ness Page 65 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
NFL Admits It Fucked Up With Pajama Uniforms That Ruined Game For Colorblind Fans
The absurd “color rush” uniforms worn by the Jets and Bills last night were bad enough if you could see them. They were worse for the millions of viewers who couldn’t. The NFL says: oops....
Guinness Is Struggling, And This Gimmicky New IPA Won't Save It
If you came of drinking age in a certain era, Guinness Draught was quite likely the first good beer you ever had. As recently as a decade ago, it was common to walk into a middle-of-the-road American bar and be confronted with a tap list featuring Shit, Shit Light, Shit Ice, Lemon-Lime Shit, Cider S...
Stupid Nike Uniforms Wreaking Havoc On Colorblind NFL Fans
Nike introduced some stupid new uniforms for tonight’s Bills-Jets game, and the color-on-color combination is especially bad for people with colorblindness, who are taking to Twitter to let the NFL know their displeasure....
The Ballet Barre Workout That Burns, Oh God, It Burns
So New York magazine reported back in September that no one is really doing pilates anymore, which makes sense: It’s not exactly the only fitness-niche game in town. Not by a long shot. I’ve personally tried many of them, from spin to Zumba to hot yoga; today, please welcome to the stage, Pure Barre...
The Titans Have Fired Ken Whisenhunt, Who Was Doing A Very Bad Job
The Tennessee Titans announced this morning that head coach Ken Whisenhunt has been fired, and will be replaced on an interim basis by assistant coach Mike Mularkey....
The NFL Fined Two Players For Honoring Their Dead Mothers
The NFL has fined a player for a really stupid reason. Well, we have to be more specific than that: The NFL has fined a player for publicly supporting a good cause that the league also unequivocally supports. Okay, that still doesn’t narrow it down enough: The NFL has fined Steelers defensive back W...
Marcus Mariota Has Sprained MCL After Late And Low Hit
Titans rookie QB Marcus Mariota could miss some time with a sprained knee ligament, injured on Sunday on the type of hit the NFL changes its rules specifically to prevent. Or, as both Mariota’s coach and teammate termed it, “bullshit football.”...
How To Survive The Zombie Apocalypse (And Other Disasters)
Virus outbreaks are popping up across the country, authorities are scrambling, the news is bleak, and you have no idea what’s going on. There are panicked rumors that zombies are behind the chaos and multiplying at a rapid pace, taking over one neighborhood at a time. Sirens are blaring across the c...
How To Get In Shape
Feeling sluggish? Doughy? Increasingly short-winded? Well, my flabby friend, it’s time for you to stop putting off the inevitable and get back in shape. You’re not trying to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger in 1980, but with time and commitment, you can at least get yourself looking and feeling bette...
Stephen A. Smith, Useful Idiot, Connects Weed To The Collapse Of Civilization
Stephen A. Smith, the painfully articulate, misogynistic, Floyd-fluffing TMT roadie, is still employed by ESPN, which means he showed up to work today to say fun, dumb shit very loudly to and with Skip Bayless on First Take. Today’s topic: drugs!...
Marcus Mariota Looked Fantastic
The second-worst team in football last season was blessed to open their campaign against the worst team in football. Both of them had shiny new quarterbacks, and are a year removed from flimsy, bottom-three defenses. That’s where the similarities stopped. Titans quarterback Marcus Mariota stomped on...
Hot-Mic Ref To Irate Coach: "Get In The Fuckin' Huddle!"
Referee Ken “Wrong-Way” Williamson has HAD it with Dino Babers, so much so that he had this to say to the BGSU head coach following a penalty against the Falcons:...
Are The Red Sox Confiscating Signs Supporting Don Orsillo Or Not?
Earlier tonight, the Boston Globe’s Dan Shaughnessy reported that the Red Sox were doing all they could to quell dissent over their unpopular decision to drop NESN play-by-play man Don Orsillo after the season (emphasis mine):...
Classic Man: "True North Lies On The Horizon Directly Below The North Star"
Frequently in this space, we will consult a different entry in the 1987 book The Modern Man’s Guide to Life to see how the advice therein has aged. On Monday, we discussed surreptitiously riding the rails; today, we address a few ways to orient yourself in the wild....
Dutee Chand's Victory is Not A Victory For Fairness
The Court of Arbitration for Sports, the final word on disputes in Olympic sports, threw out the baby with the bathwater. I’m talking about the recent CAS decision to allow Indian sprinter Dutee Chand (above) to compete again. Chand was banned from competition last year because she is hyperandrogeni...
Extreme Humidity Is Turning My Home Into Gorgonzola
Jolie Kerr is a cleaning expert and advice columnist. She’ll be here every week helping to answer your filthiest questions. Are you dirty? Check the Squalor Archive for assistance. Are you still dirty? Email her....
Dem's Fightin' Words
Thanks to Peteski for hipping me to these dope pictures of base brawls by the most talented Harrison Freeman over at Juxtapoz Magazine. ...
The Leery Beginner's Guide To Yoga
I’ve never been more terrified about farting accidentally than I was before my first yoga class. It didn’t matter that I had been doing yoga in the comfort of my apartment for five (mostly) flatulence free months. The thing that I was most worried about when I walked into the modest yoga studio in m...
Rich People Are Using Cryotherapy To Freeze Themselves Skinny
If I told you you could stand in a tube of cold air for a few minutes to lose weight and be in the best shape of your life would you do it? Are you a rich dummy? Did you answer “yes” to both of the previous questions? Then allow me to introduce you to cryotherapy, a new sci-fi method of freezing off...