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Bears Win Battle Of Mediocrity
"It's a great opportunity to get a field goal to win the game, but at the same time it's a total team effort," Gould said. "The offense battled back. And the coin toss went our way. The offense played well just to get the ball down in range." [Chicago Tribune]...

Mets Shore Up Their Crappy Bullpen
And Mets fans have reminded me several times that I have yet to post this news. Like Dan, who sent the email featured below. He's been deputized Deadspin Mets correspondent for this afternoon....

This Is Why Conlin Rules
Even if he hates the pamphleteers: "If the printed page dies, there is no denying that the fatal wounds have been self-inflicted. There was an elitist smugness even in the press boxes of the 1960s, when Howard Cosell was just a radio nobody hustling for interviews in clubhouses filled with sports wr...

Resistance Is Futile: Yankees Assimilate Sabathia
So thanks for getting my hopes up. CC Sabathia is currently visiting the San Francisco Bay Area — he was born in the northern Calif. hamlet of Vallejo — and speculation was that he was flirting with the idea of becoming a Giant. And when you think about it, who wouldn't want to pitch at AT&T Park? B...

Nude High School Cheerleaders Now Less Nude, Sue School
It's a good thing they didn't have cell phones when I was in high school; I'd still be there trying to graduate. You may have heard of the Bothell, WA high school cheerleaders who took naked cell phone pictures of themselves and then "accidentally" sent them to the entire school. Well, their parents...

America's Most Distracted Team Still Wins NFC East
Somehow this loss is all Antonio Pierce's fault. But even though the Giants were pushed around by the revitalized Iggles, they were still NFC East champions at the end of the day. The best highlight from yesterday's 20-14 loss from a Giants perspective was Tom Coughlin's joyous sprint down the sidel...

Pacman Destroys A Listless De La Hoya
Manny Pacquiao completely dismantled Oscar de la Hoya from the opening bell until the match was halted after eight rounds of boxing in Las Vegas. There really isn't a whole lot to say, because Oscar simply did not show up for this fight. Pacman, the undisputed pound-for-pound champion of the world,...

Vince Wilfork's Wife Has A Few Things She'd Like To Get Off Her Chest...In The Comments
As you all know, things can get a little messy in the comments section below. Cruel insults, ad hominem attacks, spineless cheap shots, etc. are pretty commonplace here and plenty of other online establishments. For most of you, this is done anonymously, behind the safety of an avatar, so you can, f...

Layla Kiffin Is Turning Into A Very Popular Woman
Remember back when www.fireronzook.com was the height of internet genius? Now we've moved on to a coach's wife. And by we I mean anonymous internet web sites. In the wake of Lane Kifffin's introductory press conference, Layla Kiffin has received an ample amount of attention. How much? On Monday aft...

NFL Suspends Six Players Under Cover Of Night
So while the rest of the sports world was preoccupied last night with sweatpants and second helpings and trading contracts (and also some things are not related to Charlie Weis) the NFL decided to hide another little nugget of fun in the 6:00 p.m. news dump. Six players—including half of the Minneso...

Colbert: It's High Time The Government Stays Out Of Our Sweatpants
If you think you've considered all angles of the Plaxico Burress story, think again. Stephen Colbert provides food for thought in this segment from Tuesday's Colbert Report, in which he asks the perfectly reasonable question, why should a consensual act between a man and his semiautomatic Glock hand...

Plaxico Burress Suspended For The Rest Of The Season
The New York Giants waited until the very end of the day to announce that Plaxico Burress will in fact be placed on the "non-football injury list." This is effectively a suspension that removes him from the Giants roster for the remainder of the regular season and the playoffs, and (unlike injured r...

Jon Stewart Reports That Sweatpants Do Not Make A Good Holster
I'm a little surprised that The Daily Show didn't break in with weekend coverage of the Plaxico Burress story; the whole thing seems cobbled by comedy elves just for Jon Stewart. Finally on Monday he was able to jump on it, and while not as good as Dash's efforts on this story, Stewart did not disap...

Newspapers Are Revelant And Helpful, Particularly If You Like Ike
On Thanksgiving morning, I picked up a copy of the Columbus (Ga.) Ledger-Enquirer, the daily paper round those parts. I did it out of habit; I was eating an English muffin and needed something to do with my other hand. Whatever your thoughts about the newspaper industry, I think we can all agree tha...

Breaking!: Plaxico Burress May Have A Sore Leg
An urgent SportsCenter update has just informed the world that Plaxico Burress showed up to work today, less than 24 hours after facing the horrors of central booking at the One Seven. The notorious skel (hey, I've seen NYPD Blue) reported to the Giants training facility this morning, per team rules...

Lane Kiffin Hiring: A Volunteer Fan's Perspective
In a move that proves he has gigantic balls of steel, UT athletic director Mike Hamilton has replaced a national championship winning coach with an all-time record of 152-52 who graduated from and played for his university with a 33 year old who went 5-15 in 1.25 seasons as the coach of the Oakland...

Plaxico Burress Update: He Still Has A Hole In His Leg
Do you remember a couple of years ago when Dick Cheney shot that guy and the basic facts of story were so utterly ridiculous that all you had to do was say "The Vice President of the United States shot a man in the face" and that counted as both a joke and a serious analysis of the situation? That's...

Boom Goes The Dynamite, As They Say
The Deadspin Morning Video Wake Up Call will return for a brief period of time through the holidays. If you have any suggested videos to fill this space, email us. Subject: Morning Video Wake Up Call....

If This Is A Fling At Racial Profiling, They're Doing It Wrong
Community leaders are in an uproar over the situation at Danville (Ill.) High School, where the basketball coach, they say, used racial profiling when he cut eight members of the varsity team recently. Here's where they lost me, however: It's an all-black team. Racial profiling attempt in Danville, ...

Citi Field and Manchester United: Your Tax Dollars At Work
The government's bailout of our collapsing financial industry continues apace—you got your check, right?—but now that these companies are playing with our money, suddenly everyone is an expert. Some are suggesting that maybe the reason these firms are in trouble is because they like to waste money a...