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Newcastle Lucks Into Unbelievably Dumb Golazo
Sometimes you bang in a golazo by spinning through a box full of defenders and hitting the ball perfectly. Other times you just sort of stand there and let the ball hit you and it goes in anyway. Soccer is dumb like that. Case in point: this goal from Newcastle....

David Wright Is Injured Again, Will Likely Miss Opening Day
David Wright was sent back to New York from the Mets’ spring training camp in Florida today with yet another injury, this time a shoulder impingement that will keep him from throwing for a good amount of time....

Mark Ingram Says He Was Barred From London Club For Being "Too Urban"
The New Orleans Saints are currently in England on a press tour meant to drum up enthusiasm for upcoming NFL games that will be played in London. Running back Mark Ingram has been tweeting a lot during the trip, and for the most part he seems to be enjoying himself, save for the night when he claims...

Let's Check In On Phil Jackson's Big Offseason Moves
Phil Jackson, a guy who probably owns a lot of books he’s never even opened, has not been having a very good year. Most of his troubles have come in the form of off-court shenanigans, but let’s not forget that the Knicks’ on-court product has also blown up in his face this season....

Gronk Tries To Get 69 Out Of "Monster Girl," Fails
Rob Gronkowski is, for whatever reason, on Fox’s Daytona 500 coverage today, and he’s doing roughly what you’d expect him to be doing. Here he’s talking to a young woman identified as a “Monster girl,” and not quite getting the answer he was going for....

Aaron Judge Gives Us Our First Massive Dong Of 2017
Yankees prospect Aaron Judge welcomed us to spring by absolutely crushing a pitch off the scoreboard in Tampa. Thank you, baseball, for making us feel alive again....

Now Let Us Heap Scorn Upon The NBA Trade Deadline Fuck-Ups
So the NBA trade deadline was a big dud, again. It featured one blockbuster deal—the New Orleans Pelicans just straight-up robbing the Sacramento Kings for DeMarcus Cousins—and then a handful of minor deals, none of which seem likely to shake up the standings all that much. That’s butt....

Rex And Rob Ryan Are Jobless And Ready For Exhibition Baseball
Rex and Rob Ryan might have gotten tossed to the curb by the Buffalo Bills this past season, but even in unemployment, they appear to be living well. The coaching brothers showed up at today’s Phillies-Yankees exhibition game in Tampa. Rex even wore a wacky shirt:...

The Pelicans Are Playing With House Money
The DeMarcus Cousins era did not get off to the best start in New Orleans last night, as the Pelicans were blown out by the Rockets 129-99. No need to panic in New Orleans, though, because the Pelicans still have plenty of time to figure out how Anthony Davis and Cousins can fit together, and if eve...

Anthony Beauvillier Gets Pranked, Scores, Makes Father Weep With Joy<em></em>
Islanders rookie Anthony Beauvillier returned to Quebec for the first time in his young NHL career and had a real roller coaster of a night. His teammates lovingly pranked him right before warm ups and he took the ice alone. Beauvillier then followed up the lil’ prank by scoring in the first period....

Softball Player's Headfirst Slide Does Not Go As Planned
Carson-Newman hosted Erskine for a Division II softball double-header Tuesday afternoon. The series provided plenty of runs and little tension, as the hometown Eagles took the first game 10-2 and lost the second 8-2, ending a nine-game winning streak for Carson-Newman....

Charles Oakley To Attend His First Post-Arrest Knicks Game In Cleveland Tonight
Dan Gilbert is a piece of shit—a slave master mentality-having grifter with skin as thick as tracing paper. That said, let’s laugh at this funny thing he’s doing by reportedly inviting Charles Oakley to tonight’s Cavaliers-Knicks game....

Aaron Hernandez's Attorneys Might Argue That Weed Made Him Violent
Opening arguments in the second Aaron Hernandez homicide trial begin next week and ahead of the start of the trial, his attorneys have filed a list of witnesses they might call or mention during the trial....

Premier League Ref: Arsène Wenger Told Me To "Fuck Off"
About a month ago, Arsène Wenger got himself a four-match touchline ban for his behavior in a league game between Arsenal and Burnley. We all knew part of the ban was because Wenger pushed the fourth official after being sent to the stands by the head referee, but we didn’t know what exactly he said...

Bring Me The Dang Trades
Where are the friggin’ trades? That is what the hell I want to know. Show me the trades....

No, We Definitely Do Want To Take Billionaires' Money
Can you imagine telling an inequality-wracked world that we might not want to take away a billionaire’s money? Absurd. And poorly argued! ...

Mike Piazza Shits On St. Louis And Major League Soccer At The Same Time, Achieves Glory
Mike Piazza, Hall of Famer and the best-hitting catcher in major-league history, is having a fine time in Italy these days. Much of it has to do with Reggiana, the third-tier soccer club in which he purchased a majority stake last year, and the New York Times’s Andrew Keh wrote a wonderful story abo...

Is Carmelo Worth A Shit?<em></em>
The NBA trade deadline is Thursday, and the biggest name who could potentially get moved is Carmelo Anthony. Anthony hates Phil Jackson (as any rational person now does) and has been subject to trade rumors all season—from supposedly going to the Cavaliers a month ago to supposedly going to the Celt...

NBA Teams Reportedly Want To Trade For Derrick Rose, But Why?
Here are two sets of Derrick Rose numbers....

Who Else Could Have Made A Play For DeMarcus Cousins?
As you surely know by now, last night the Sacramento Kings traded DeMarcus Cousins (and Omri Casspi) to the New Orleans Pelicans for rookie Buddy Hield, veterans Tyreke Evans and Langston Galloway, a protected 2017 first-round draft choice, and a 2017 second-round pick. Now that we know what type of...