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Lady Goes For A Stroll Through The Kauffman Stadium Fountain
This lady scaled some wet, narrow terrain and found her way into the fountain area in Kauffman Stadium Monday night. Was she drunk? Hard to tell. She might have been hot and wanted to cool off. Maybe she just wanted to drink her teal blue (possibly alcoholic) drink in the comfort of wet denim. It's ...

Here's Chicago Booing A-Rod In His First At-Bat
We had to wait until the second inning thanks to some iffy baserunning and the human element, but Alex Rodriguez made his season debut moments ago in Chicago and it was, as expected, a shitshow. He was lustily booed in his first at-bat since Major League Baseball suspended him for 211 games....

ESPN: Japanese Little Leaguer's Favorite Singer Is "Wandai Wrection"
It's not quite Captain Sum Ting Wong, but the spelling you are looking for is "One Direction."...

Alex Rodriguez Speaks, Attempts To Mimic Human Emotion
In a statement accompanied by watery eyes and dramatic pauses, Alex Rodriguez addressed the media ahead of his first game since last October—and for the first time since MLB announced a 211-game suspension for his role in the Biogenesis scandal....

The Swimmer
A classic—John Cheever's short story, "The Swimmer":...

Remember When Joe Namath Was Accused Of Beating Up A Reporter?
This one's dedicated to one SEC quarterback under fire for his hard-partying ways, and one Jets QB struggling to balance his on-field and off-the-field activities: It could be so much worse. It could be like Joe Namath, who 46 years (and one day) ago broke training camp curfew, got hammered at a bar...

Why Your Team Sucks 2013: New Orleans Saints
Some people are fans of the New Orleans Saints. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the New Orleans Saints. This 2013 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the 2013 NFL previews so far right here....

The Best And Worst Beat Reporters In Baseball: AL West
Welcome back to The Beat-Off, our crowd-sourced effort to determine the very best and the very worst reporters in Major League Baseball. Last week, we covered the National League. Today, we turn our attention to the American League. We'll start with the AL West. ...

The Yankees Expect To Have Alex Rodriguez In The Lineup Monday
The Yankees expect to have A-Rod on Monday against the White Sox because they believe he will be suspended under the Joint Drug Agreement and not under the CBA, as MLB had previously threatened (Update: Joel Sherman is now reporting that the Yankees have been informed he will be suspended tomorrow a...

This Martial Arts Video Is An Absolute Mess
If you are a viewer of modern situational comedies, you understand the comedic value of The Extremely Awkward Situation That Gets Improbably More Awkward scene. This is like that. At one point the piece of wood he's supposed to break goes flying and hits a little girl in the face. ...

If Fitness Isn't Your Thing, Bribe Yourself Into Running
Welcome back, after a week-long vacation, to the immature grumblings about the barest minimum a person could be physically active without travelling backwards through time and space. Here's a Spotify playlist; let's get to business....

Mark Sanchez Booed At Training Camp, To Antonio Cromartie's Dismay
Believe it or not, Mark Sanchez is not quite setting the world on fire at Jets training camp. He was so bad at yesterday's practice, in fact, that he got booed by fans in attendance. But at least he still has defenders!...

Boxer Watches Knockout, Provides Play-By-Play With Sound Effects
This is great. Curtis Stevens knocked out Saul Roman last night with a devastating left hook in the first round. It was the second time he knocked Roman down. In the post-fight interview, Stevens was asked to discuss the the knockdowns and provided colorful, Michael Winslow-like analysis. ...

Cleveland Browns Let Little Kid Score Touchdown
Don't worry, though, they did it on purpose. During Saturday's Family Night practice at Cleveland training camp, the Browns arranged for a cool little moment for one five-year-old boy and his family. ...

Matt Garza Went On A Misogynistic Rant Because Of A Squeeze Play
Matt Garza often has issues throwing to first base and the Athletics—who attempted four bunts yesterday, including Coco Crisp's game-opening single and Eric Sogard's sacrifice immediately after—had an obvious plan to try to get in Garza's head. Turns out, it worked. Also turns out, Matt Garza has is...

ESPN: Alex Rodriguez Will Be Suspended Through 2014 Season On Monday
The Bud Selig wingtip that has been hovering over Alex Rodriguez for months will finally fall on Monday, ESPN's T.J. Quinn and Andrew Marchand report, in the form of a suspension that will last into and "likely through" the 2014 season....

A-Rod Is Negotiating With MLB Or Getting A 214-Game Ban. Who Knows?
Right now Alex Rodriguez is—depending on who you believe—either a dude trying to maximize his own leverage in a legal dispute with MLB and, implicitly, the New York Yankees, or a craven villain with whom the stout-hearted figures of central baseball are just plain tired of dealing. He may be engaged...

Fans Invade Pitch During Crawley-Coventry City Match
During the first half of a match between Crawley Town and Coventry City, a few fans jumped onto the field, easily outrunning security and causing a five-minute delay. The supporters were protesting Coventry City's financial woes. ...

Here's A Reminder That Missy Franklin Is 18 And Dominating Everyone
Missy Franklin took part in the swimming world championships in Barcelona today and just ruined everyone else's day. In case you forgot, she's only 18 years old....