nf Page 1116 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Would You Let Ricky Williams Massage Your Head?
Ricky Williams is no longer searching for enlightenment in the bottom of a water bong. Oh, he still wants enlightenment, but now he's looking for it in a second career as a holistic healer....
Does ESPN's "Do Not Report" Policy Make Any Sense?
Still not a peep from ESPN on Ben Roethlisberger's legal troubles—and once again no Blog Buzz on SportsCenter—so as long as Big Ben keeps his mouth shut they're standing behind their decision to not stand behind this story....
And Here's The Front Page Of Tomorrow's <em>New York Post</em>
Amazingly, Busted Coverage's ridiculous giant penis-wielding bachelorette story was completely true. This photo tells the tale: the daring lass staring down the determined Tahoe sheriff as Michael Jordan cautiously avoids a messy inflatable dong confrontation. Yay America....
What Exactly Is Ben Roethlisberger Accused Of Anyway?
Now that the people who care have had time to survey and digest the complaint against Pittsburgh's Ben Roethlisberger, a clearer picture has emerged about the accuser and her allegations and it's not pretty. Here's an attempt to summarize:...
ESPN Breaks Its Silence On Ben Roethlisberger
Fantasy Alert: Big Ben is listed as probable for Week 1 (knee, sexual assault lawsuit.) Adjust your rosters accordingly. [ESPN]...
Michael Vick's Next Magical Kingdom
Once upon a time, in a land not-so-far away, he spent 21 months in prison. Now, he might train for an NFL return at Disney's Wide World of Sports. In Disney World! Everyone's about to live happily ever after. [Sentinel]...
Okay, Perhaps Kellen Winslow Is A Soldier
We've all mocked Kellen Winslow in the past for grossly overestimating his own bravery. But perhaps it's time to reconsider, given that last year, he had his testicles sliced open....
Mike Shanahan Shuts His Mouth, Knows His Role
Mike Shanahan will be the highest paid coach in the NFL this season, provided he doesn't actually coach anybody. Or talk to anybody. Yes, getting fired from a high-paying job is great work if you can get it....
Ben Roethlisberger Accused Of Sexual Assault
WTAE-Pittsburgh reports that a Nevada casino employee has filed a civil lawsuit against Steeler quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, accusing him of sexual assault. His attorney denies the charge. More tomorrow, obviously, when Feel Good Story Week continues. [WTAE-TV; PFT]...
Lawrence Taylor Is Easing Into NFL Elder Statesman Role Quite Nicely
"A lot of the guys will sit there and live football. Every Sunday they're glued to the t.v. watching football. I don't watch football. I'd rather watch two people fuck" [Sports Radio Interviews]...
Giant Inflatable Penis Owner Explains Herself, Giant Inflatable Penis
Many will remember this year's American Century Championship for Tony Romo's valiant efforts and Rick Rhoden's continued dominance of the tournament, but the big, bright shining star of Saturday's action was a six-foot dong peeking over Michael Jordan's shoulder....
Michael Vick Is Free!
The ankle bracelet is off, folks! Having served his debt to society—give or take a few years of probation—Michael Vick is officially a free man. As long as your definition of "free" does not include playing football professionally....
Now We'll Take You Seriously, Lady Soccer
With the top 3 goalies injured or away on national team duty, WPS's Washington Freedom taps coach to play goalie. They win by shutout, of course. [WaPo]...
And Now Let's End The Day With Michael Jordan And A Giant Inflatable Penis
I hope this post does not objectify Michael Jordan. The man can't help it if he's sexy. He just saunters his fine-ass around the golf course and people have normal, healthy reactions in his presence. Some people just go overboard....
In Which We Attempt To Translate British Journalism
If the English language isn't yet universal, then the verse of sports should be. I've never understood, then, why it is that I can't comprehend a word of 19th-century British newspapers....
Jeremy Mayfield Goes To War Against NASCAR And His "Whore" Stepmom
As noted last night, NASCAR says that Jeremy Mayfield failed another drug test, but he has fired back with even more outrageous countercharges—like implying NASCAR's chairman is on drugs and flat-out accusing his stepmother of murdering his father....
Minnesota Media Treating Favre's (Pending? Inevitable?) Arrival With Restraint
The Minneapolis Star-Tribune isn't missing out on an opportunity to set purple hearts aflutter, so they've decided the best way to satisfy their wild-eyed readers infected with Favre Fever is to dedicate an entire section to him....
Jeff Garlin: “This Is The Longest Rape Has Ever Been A Topic For Anything I’ve Ever Discussed”
This week's Deadcast guest is "Curb Your Enthusiasm" co-star and producer Jeff Garlin (Listen here, iTunes here, buy Jeff's standup DVD here). We talk rape! Far more than Jeff prefers!...
Is That A Threat, Detroit?
The Lions ill-advisedly offer to let their fans relive 0-16, anytime they want. Gee, thanks. [H/T: Reader Tim]...
Back And To The Far Right: A Different View Of Obama's First Pitch
The National Review's Andy McCarthy summons the ghost of Jim Garrison. You know you're in for a treat when the bizarre claim that "the sports press is among the media's leftiest precincts" is the sanest thing in here. [NRO]...