nf Page 1269 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

What Is A Lap Dance? You Know, In An Existential Sense, Aren't We All Just God's Lap Dancers?
So the Vikings sex boat trial in Minnesota is going on, like, right now. Well, kind of; former quarterback Daunte Culpepper and fullback Moe Williams are trying to talk a judge into dismissing charges against them. The two players were charged, pretty much, with receiving lap dances, which has spu...

New Mexico's Woes Continue
Bad Jocks has been all over this story, and they've got their confirmation from the NFL Draft Almanac: Apparently Marcus "New Mexico" Vick scored a lowly 11 on his Wonderlic test at the NFL combine last month. That's slightly better than Vince Young's badly graded score, but somehow still lower th...

Get Your T.O. Slice Of Funk
The official Terrell Owens Web site has been playing an odd game of hide-and-seek with its T.O. Cowboys rap. One minute it's on the site, the next minute it's off. We don't know what its deal is....

The Dangerous Rebel With The Fresh Pine Scent
The Ron Artest of sports mascots? Clearly it's the Stanford Tree, in trouble yet again after another shameful display at a basketball game. You may recall back in February, when the Tree was ejected from a men's basketball game between Stanford and Cal for being drunk. (He/she/it registered a Brea...

Tracking The Barry Bonds "Revelations"
We know we've touched on this already, but after several conversations about it this weekend, we're still fired up about it, so we're bringing it up again....

One Last Draft Handshake For Tagliabue
As had been expected, NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue announced his retirement this afternoon, effective this July. Tagliabue has been on the job for 15 years, and, while not exactly having the mob boss persona of David Stern or the dopey, semi-clueless car salesman vibe of Bud Selig, has still be...

They Grow Their Quarterbacks Big Down There
We know that everyone is excited about Vanderbilt quarterback Jay Cutler, whom some project being drafted ahead of Texas' Vince Young and possibly even USC's Matt Leinart....

Terrell Owens Can Rap Quicker Than You
In recent months, we have done everything in our power to institute a moratorium on Terrell Owens-related news, if just so that, if we were hit by a bus tomorrow, we would be able to talk to our maker with our pure heart, free of egregious sin....

Billy Packer, Meet the MVC
The Missouri Valley Conference put their 2nd team into the Sweet 16 this afternoon when Bradley beat Pitt. Maybe now, as long as they're not on opposite of Duke, Billy Packer can find time to sit down and watch them....

You WILL Respect The Valley
As more than a few of you have noticed, the Missouri Valley Conference represtend itself quite well yesterday. And I'll be honest with you... as I watched on Thursday and Friday, any time Northern Iowa, Wichita State or Bradley made a play, I was picturing Billy Packer shaking his head in disgust ...

Cowboys Finally Find A Suitable Replacement For Michael Irvin
As was mentioned briefly here yesterday, The Dallas Morning News is reporting that Terrell Owens has reached an agreement in principle with the Dallas Cowboys. A formal announcement is expected within a few days....

Home Run No. 715 — Welcome to Thunderdome
It's out there somewhere, tucked into a box with several of its brethren, sitting in an equipment room somewhere in a National League City — just chilling. It's the baseball that will eventually be hit by Barry Bonds to pass Babe Ruth's career home run mark, and shouldn't we stop for a moment to i...

NCAA Pants Party: Pittsburgh Vs. Kent State
Pittsburgh Panthers (24-7) vs. Kent State Golden Flashes (25-8). When: Friday, 7:10 p.m. Where: Auburn Hills, Mich....

Culpepper To Spend Plenty Of Time Near Water
The Orlando Sentinel and FOX Sports are reporting that the trade is official: Daunte Culpepper has been traded to the Miami Dolphins....

ESPN's Barry Bonds "Scoop"
Remember last week, when we were pointing out that ESPN seemed to be underplaying the Barry Bonds steroid revelations? Some of you thought ESPN was protecting Barry because their upcoming reality show with him, while others defended the network, saying that it was merely reflecting the opinion, "Hey...

It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday
It is tragic when the grandest of epics end with a whimper, but, alas, when we are blessed with the sublime, it is best not to madden one's self with laments of an ultimately unsatisfying climax....

Edgerrin James Signs Up For 4-12
The Arizona Cardinals - or as I'm mandated to call them, the Buzzsaw - have signed Edgerrin James to a four-year deal. Financial details aren't available, but I'm guessing it takes a hell of a lot of money to get a marquee player to sign in Arizona. It's the biggest splash the Cardinals have made...

LeCharles Bentley Is Pretty In Brown
Day one of the NFL's free agent season was fairly quiet with none of the really big names finding new homes. The Cleveland Browns have made the biggest splash so far, singing offensive linemen LeCharles Bentley, Kevin Shaffer, and wide receiver Joe Jerevicius....

Chargers Doing Their Part To Help Saints Recover
A heads-up tipster sent in this picture of a sign posted in front of the Chargers' practice and main office. You'll note that the spelling is a little off, but I think the individual (hopefully child) has his/her heart in the right place. Regardless, it might not be a bad idea for the Chargers to ...

Mexican Beans Sold Separately
Fantastic find from The Wade Blogs: Currently up for auction is a wristband worn by Barry Bonds in 1987 for the Pirates that says "Say No To Drugs."...