nf Page 388 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Ass Team Of The Week: The Ravens Won The Ass-Off
Listen, any doo-doo team can go out there and get the shit kicked out of them by the Rams or the Chiefs. The truest expressions of buttness tend to happen when one meaty cheek meets another, combining to form one giant Voltron ass with a stink that envelopes the whole game. On Sunday the Baltimore R...
The Dolphins Politely Waited Until The Second Half To Doo-Doo Their Pants
The Miami Dolphins started the season 3-0 before they were thoroughly exposed by the Patriots in Week 4. But they’ve always played poorly in Foxboro, so there was a chance to bounce back, albeit on the road against the 3-1 Bengals. On Sunday, the Fins actually held a 17-0 lead in the third quarter—b...
Things I Lost In The Fire
My parents lost their house during the Northern California wildfires that ignited exactly a year ago. I was visiting when it happened. Mere minutes elapsed from the time a panicked sheriff’s deputy banged on our front door telling us to leave right now to the moment we drove away from my childhood h...
The Raiders Had First-And-Goal At The 1 And Didn't Give It To Marshawn Lynch
Down 20-3 to the Chargers in the third quarter Sunday, the Raiders put together a 74-yard drive and threatened to make it a two-possession game. A defensive pass interference penalty gave Oakland first-and-goal at the one-yard line. Marshawn Lynch was lined up in the backfield. Yes, this is all very...
This Hit On Brandin Cooks Was Somehow Not Flagged
The NFL appears to have completely abandoned its newly-instated helmet rule that caused loads of controversy in the first couple weeks of the preseason. No penalties were called on Tedric Thompson after he nearly took Brandin Cooks head clean off of his body late in the second quarter of Rams-Seahaw...
Linval Joseph Scores Ultimate Fat Man Touchdown
Fat man touchdowns are one of the few remaining things about football that can bring me pure, unadulterated joy in a moment’s notice. Vikings defensive tackle Linval Joseph is the latest large lad to bring me such happiness. On a 1st-and-10 passing play, Stephen Weatherly was able to strip-sack Cars...
How The Hell Did Iowa Pull This Off?
Iowa head coach Kirk Ferentz’s alter-ego “New Kirk” made a scintillating return to the football field on Saturday just over halfway through the second quarter during a fourth-and-goal opportunity for his Hawkeyes. The play call was a bizarre formation that lead to Iowa doubling its lead over Minneso...
Today I Declare To You That The Following Wideouts Are Dogshit<em></em>
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....
Fame And Fantasy In The Heavyweight Battle Of The Atlantic
A note before starting: Much of this was written before the Saturday, Sept. 22nd heavyweight title fight between Anthony Joshua and Alexander Povetkin held at Wembley Stadium in London, hence the two parts to the piece—before Wembley, and then upon arrival and afterwards. There is a lot of specula...
Patrick Mahomes At All Times Sounds Like He Just Ate A Big Bowl Of Chili
Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes has spent the first four weeks of the NFL season playing consciousness-expanding football—scrambling, improvisational, hyper-charismatic stuff. Four games make for a small sample, but if it is at all representative of the underlying talent, Mahomes will be doing bi...
Aaron Rodgers Is Taking Shots At Mike McCarthy Again
That thing is happening again, where everyone is wondering if there’s some serious internal discord plaguing the Green Bay Packers. Eyebrows were raised when after Green Bay’s 22-0 victory over Buffalo, a game in which the Packers did not play as well as the score indicates, quarterback Aaron Rodger...
Georgia Dismisses Student From Baseball Team For Allegedly Shouting Racist Slurs At Quarterback Justin Fields
The Georgia Bulldogs baseball team has reportedly dismissed first baseman Adam Sasser over racial slurs he allegedly shouted from the stands at Georgia quarterback Justin Fields during Saturday’s home win over Tennessee....
Ass Team Of The Week: Do Not Ever Feel That You Must Respect The Dolphins
This is my favorite part of the NFL season, in part because I get a certain thrill out of watching teams that roar off to surprisingly hot starts being put ruthlessly back into their places. I feel like I’ve lived through seven or eight NFL seasons that began with, like, the Buffalo Bills going 3-0,...
Jaguars Junction: Week Four
JACKSONVILLE, FLORIDA—Jacksonville, Florida, “the city by the sea,” was the setting yesterday, for the big game. ...
Clemson Quarterback Trevor Lawrence Leaves Game After Hit To The Head
In the second quarter of his first start of the season, freshman quarterback Trevor Lawrence left Saturday’s game against Syracuse after taking a shoulder to the head while scrambling for some yardage....
How Patrick Chung's Concussion Fell Through The Cracks
The NFL and the NFLPA on Thursday concluded their joint investigation of Patriots safety Patrick Chung’s concussion. The inquiry found that there were no protocol violations even though Chung was initially not tested for a brain injury after being sent off the field by a game official. This appears ...
Global Warming Is In Your Sports Now
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....
Eric Reid Finally Signed By Carolina Panthers<em></em>
Former 49ers safety Eric Reid has been an outspoken advocate for Colin Kaepernick, and previously joined Kaepernick in his protest against police brutality and systemic racism. Reid went into the offseason as a free agent, and despite being just 26 years old, the former Pro Bowler could not land a j...
This Enormous Texan Stumbled Into Basketball, And Now He's Stumbled Into Australian Rules Football Stardom
Mason Cox has a history of getting lured into sports he did not actually play. Organized basketball found him first. At Marcus High School in Texas, he stuck to solely to soccer, a decision that looked slightly stranger after he grew six inches between his junior and senior years and found himself a...