nfl Page 1018 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The NFL Says Goodbye To Its Boner Pills
In a tragic day for that assuredly small crossover of "sports fans" and "people who take pills in order to get erections," the NFL has decided to discontinue its relationship with erectile dysfunction drugs, citing "growing concerns about increasingly risqu creative in the category." (We think tha...
Playoff Predictions Roundup: We Suck
As we giggle over this photo of Jeremy Shockey — honestly, all this picture needs is that sad "Peanuts" music playing in the background, like on that episode of "Arrested Development" — we thought we'd look at our panel of "experts" did in their wild-card weekend picks. Needless to say, when we sa...
NFL Playoff Roundup: Riiiiipppppp!
• Honestly, we know this was covered all weekend, but man, that Carson Palmer thing was the worst playoff moment we can remember. We think Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals have it tough; Bengals fans finally get in the playoffs, and two plays in, their Pro Bowl QB tears an ACL and MCL. (Quest...
Steelers vs. Bengals - 4th Quarter
• James Farrior comes up with an interception of Jon Kitna. And it's not the interception itself that's ending this game, but the tidal wave of momentum that appears to be on the Steelers side....
Steelers vs. Bengals - 3rd Quarter
• Bonnie Bernstein lets us know that Carson Palmer has a torn ACL, and the Bengals hope he'll be ready for training camp next year. Ouch. What a very Bengal thing to happen. You have my sympathy, Bengals fans....
Steelers vs. Bengals - 2nd Quarter
• The Steelers answer and grab a little bit of the momentum back with a touchdown via a Ben Roethlisberger to Willie Parker screen pass. 10-7 Bengals....
Steelers vs. Bengals - 1st Quarter
• Chad Johnson spent his time before the game hanging out in the parking lot with Bengals tailgaters. Hopefully, he's sober....
Panthers vs. Giants - 4th Quarter
• If Ken Lucas and Marlon McCree played for the Giants, Eli Manning would be on fire. Unfortunately for Eli, however, they are Panthers. McCree did do the Giants a favor, though, and run about 20 yards backwards after the interception. But that probably just means DeShaun Foster has more yardage ...
Panthers vs. Giants - 3rd Quarter
• The Giants brought out Lawrence Taylor to be honored at halftime. This could provide some inspiration for the G-Men. Particularly if LT brought his pipe with him....
Panthers vs. Giants - 2nd Quarter
• After Carolina continued to gash the Giants up the middle with the run, Steve Smith got open over the middle for a touchdown. 7-0 Carolina. He followed it up with a snow angel in the endzone, and the any signifigance or entertainment value is lost on me....
Panthers vs. Giants - 1st Quarter
• The first half of the first quarter is timid and uneventful, but Carolina's settled into a little bit of a groove, moving the ball with relative ease. DeShaun Foster is gashing them a little bit, and Steve Smith is picking up yards on little bubble screens....
Redskins vs. Bucs - 4th quarter
• Mike Patrick just said the words, "An exciting muff."...
Redskins vs. Bucs - 3rd quarter
• That's how you get back into a game. First, the Bucs force a 3-and-out with a sack on third down, then a nice punt return, then a very slick offensive drive capped by a Simms TD on a bootleg. That's quality work you did at halftime, Jon Gruden. 17-10 Redskins....
Redskins vs. Bucs - 2nd quarter
• The Redskins front 7 is playing very well, keeping Cadillac Williams in check. In essence, they're putting the game into the hands of Chris Simms. • Tampa Bay gets on the board with a Matt Bryant FG, making the score 14-3 Redskins. This leads to the positively infuriating "Score, Commercial, Kic...
Redskins vs. Bucs - 1st quarter
• Anthony Becht and LaVar Arrington seem to have different levels of respect for the recent accomplishments of their alma maters. Becht announced himself as being from "The 2006 Sugar Bowl Champion West Virginia Mountaineers," while Arrington said he was from "North Hills High." • Chris Hovan has ...
Playoff Pants Party: Steelers Vs. Bengals
For some reason, we're more excited about this playoff game than any of the others, though we know we're in the minority. We think it's because the NFL world is always happier and more in balance when you see teams like the Bengals — or the Texans, or the Lions, or (lo!) the Buzzsaw — make the playo...
Picking Up Where Chad Left Off
Since Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson has been so unfairly muffled all week, taking about 93 percent of the fun out of that Steelers-Bengals game, it has been up to fans to pick up his slack. One fan has come up with a great scenario....
Playoff Pants Party: Panthers Vs. Giants
We think Tom Coughlin freaks us out a little bit. In our nightmares, when we've done something vaguely wrong that we don't understand but know that it was terrible, Coughlin's the type of guy who shows up in our dreams, screaming at us, like the drill sergeant gym teacher in "Beavis & Butthead." ...
Playoff Pants Party: Jaguars Vs. Patriots
This is the late game tomorrow night, which means, if you plan your day correctly, you should be properly hammered enough by halftime to confuse that dude in the corner with some ex-girlfriend who did you wrong. (Or, for female and non-traditional male readers, uh ... OK, we're not sure what the ...
Coach Janky Spanky: Cliffs Notes Version
We know this has already been covered here, but, honestly, we're still so blown away by Clinton Portis' performance as "Coach Janky Spanky" yesterday that we feel obliged to point out the highlights for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of watching it yet. Here's a cheat sheet....