night Page 246 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

To Watch Tonight
Jesus is guest-hosting Are You Smarter Than A Fifth-Grader this week! ... • MLB: Los Angeles Dodgers at Chicago Cubs (8 p.m., ET). I plan to switch back and forth between the two broadcasts on every pitch. [ESPN2 and WGN] • NBA: Eastern Conference finals, Game 5, Detroit at Boston (8:30 p.m., ET). B...

About Last Night
What you missed while being assaulted with Moon Pies ... • NBA: Lakers take 3-1 series lead over Spurs, situating themselves perfectly for monumental collapse. • MLB: Let there be light! Santana delivers, as Mets crawl back from the brink of despair, beat Marlins 5-3. • Despite Will's sudden departu...

To Watch Tonight
Honey, I Blew Up The Kid ... • MLB: Los Angeles Dodgers vs. Chicago Cubs (7 p.m., ET). Joe Torre in the ivy-covered confines. Seems weird ... [ESPN] • WNBA: Indiana Fever vs. Connecticut Sun (7 p.m., ET). What if you're a fan of both? I have Sun Fever, and can't decide! [ESPN2] • NBA playoffs: Weste...

Worst. Spider-Man Sequel. Ever.
I've always thought that this was an urban myth, but no, apparently it really exists. A couple of observations about this old Electric Company TV classic episode of Spidey Super Stories: 1. Why is Spider-Man relegated to the Shea Stadium bleachers? He doesn't at least rate a box seat like Seinfeld? ...

About Last Night
What you missed during your annual headlong pursuit of rolling cheese ... • NBA: Pistons roll the McDyess, even series with Celtics 2-all. • NHL: The Osgood File ... Red Wings trample Flightless Sea Fowl, 3-0. • MLB: Walk-off walk ends 12-inning scoreless duel to win it for Angels; a result which, s...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch while remodeling Bubble Man's dorm room... • 5 p.m. — NASCAR: Coca-Cola 600, Concord, North Carolina. In a blind race test, what's more exciting: this race or the Pepsi 400? [FOX] • 7 p.m. — NCAA softball: Georgia at UCLA. There's no crying in softball, but there's no by-laws applicabl...

About Last Night...
What you missed re-creating the chase scene from Space Mutiny... • NBA: Yeah, well, Boston still hasn't won two road games yet. • NHL: Son of Samuel goes on massive scoring spree, dozens wounded, Red Wings at large with 4-0 win. • MLB: Cubs won the first eight innings. Problem is, the dang thing wen...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch while shopping around for once-in-a-lifetime deals on infants... • 7:30 p.m. — NASCAR: Nationwide Series, Conquest Auto Parts 300, Concord, N.C. Watch your favorite drivers in different numbered cars wail on lesser drivers! [ESPN2] • 8:00 p.m. — NCAA softball: Georgia at UCLA. The fact...

About Last Night
What you missed while watching the most realistic portrayal of Helen Keller ever…...

About Last Night
What you missed while wrestling a deer in a hair salon ... • NBA, MLB: Pistons and Tigers both win on the same day? What?? • NHL: Tony Granato is back as coach of the Avalanche, begging the question, why did he leave in the first place? • NASCAR: Kyle Busch earns pole for Coca-Cola 600, has interact...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch after a day at the penis museum ... • Golf: LPGA, Corning (N.Y.) Classic, first round, (6:30 p.m. ET; same-day tape). So who do you think is hotter; Danielle Ammaccapane or Dina Ammaccapane? [The Golf Channel] • NBA: Eastern Conference finals, Game 2, Detroit at Boston (8:30 p.m., ET)....

About Last Night
What you missed while incorrectly calling "shotgun" ... • NBA: Spurs blow 20-point lead in Game 1 loss to Lakers, also lose car keys and wallet. • MLB: Everything's coming up Red Sox ... Bartolo Colon is back, and pitching well. Boston 6, Kansas City 3. • Soccer: I don't know a lot about soccer, but...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you enjoy your $30 TV dinner ... • Boxing: Lightweights, Edner Cherry vs. Stevie Johnston; lightweights, Freddie Norwood vs. Johnnie Edwards, at Camp Lejeune, N.C. (9 p.m., ET). What? Isn't this a Marine Corps base? [ESPN2] • MLB: New York Mets at Atlanta (7 p.m., ET). Big Mets' res...

About Last Night
What you missed after being arrested for having Wii in your pants ... • NBA: Celtics stubbornly refuse to give up plan to win all home games, lose all on the road. Boston 88, Detroit 79. • NFL: No salary cap in 2010? What could possibly go wrong? • MLB: Now that Lacckkkkey's, back in toowwwwnnn ... ...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch after you drop off the kids at the bar ... • MLB: Chicago Cubs at Houston (8 p.m., ET). Don't be afraid to show your Cubness. [WGN] • NBA: Draft lottery, at Secaucus, N.J. (8 p.m., ET); Eastern Conference finals, Game 1, Detroit at Boston (8:30 p.m., ET). Your fate, decided by ping pon...

About Last Night
What you missed while observing just another typical day in Arkansas ... • NBA: Tears on Bourbon Street as Spurs dump Hornets, 91-82, in Game 7, to earn date with Lakers. • NHL: Red Wings beat Stars 4-1 to advance to finals. Um, hey ... where's the riot? • MLB: Albert Pujols clouts two homers, puts ...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you wind down from your wild Victoria Day festivities ... • Arena Football League: Los Angeles at Chicago (8 p.m., ET). Those who are about to die, salute you! [ESPN2] • MLB: Chicago Cubs at Houston (7 p.m., ET). Theodore Roosevelt Lilly attempts to take San Juan Hill. [ESPN] • NBA:...

It's Possible Some Bay-To-Breakers Participants May Be Gay
The main reason I no longer attend the San Francisco Bay to Breakers Race; someone has turned the freak dial way too high. Although, I should point out that the group pictured here actually ended up winning the race, beating a Kenyan runner by 22 seconds (may not be true). And while this photo may b...

About Last Night
What you missed while watching the topless news ... • NBA: The crowd down at Cheers are still celebrating this one ... except for Norm, who's in the crapper. Celtics 97, Cavaliers 92. • NHL: Bow before our flightless, herring-breathed overlords. Penguins 6, Flyers 0. • Auto racing: I misunderstood ....

To Watch Tonight
What to watch while warming up the grill for a cheese race... • MLB: New York Yankees vs. New York Mets. Yep, plenty of erections in Bristol tonight. [ESPN] • Movie: Knocked Up. That's way too many chairs for one room. [HBO] • Sports Movie: Bang the Drum Slowly. Shouldn't there be a Hornets game ton...