night Page 342 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
About Last Night ...
What You Missed While Watching The Office Ladies Attack The Copy Machine Repairman ... · Clemens Roughed Up In Loss. We tell you, that guy's too old to pitch. · Phils, Nats Split Huge Doubleheader. Sharing is good, you guys. Don't get greedy. · Bears, Benson Still Far Apart On Contract. The good new...
To Watch Tonight ...
What To Watch While Secretely Believing Your iPod Is Trying To Kill You · Arizona Diamondbacks at St. Louis Cardinals. Tomorrow night, we will be at Busch Stadium. Tonight, we'll be putting together shelves. Tomorrow wins. · New Orleans Saints at New England Patriots. When ESPN Classic repeats this ...
About Last Night ...
What You Missed While "Reorganizing Your Sock Drawer," If you Know What We Mean (Which We Don't)... · Phillies tie for wild-card lead. Ryan Howard immediately organizes holdout. · Padres storm to under .500 division lead. The pennant will be a white flag. · Mourning Returns To Heat. Funny; we have a...
To Watch Tonight ...
What To Watch While Trying To Dislodge Your Remote From The Dog ... · 2005 World Series of Poker: Watch that river flop! OK, we have no idea what that means. · Little League Softball: Pssst: The kid with the beard is juicing. · Collegetowns: Life In College Football: Yeah, they're just looking for s...
About Last Night ...
What You Missed While Pretending Not To Watch "Cathouse" In Slow Motion ... · Giants' Randy Winn hits for cycle. Giants wake up in fourth inning, see that Bonds is still hurt, go back to sleep. · Michael Finley released by Dallas. "Mr. Finley, a 'Shack' is on the phone again. Yes, I'll take another ...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch after those four foolish words: "I'm going all in." ... · Where players are still using the juice — usually grape: Little League Southwest Regional final. · Lions at Jets: Mike Heimerdinger unveils new offense, Chad Pennington ruins it. · Light welterweight slap and tickle: Donald Cama...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch as groundhogs destroy your home's foundation ... · ESPN football: Chargers at Packers. Drew Brees, a jug of wine and thou. · Those incredible homers over at TBS present San Francisco Giants at Atlanta Braves. · WNBA: Minnesota Lynx at Detroit Shock. When they were naming this team, we ...
Baseball Tonight Hijinks
We've become pretty addicted to Fire Joe Morgan, a hideously designed but riotously funny daily rip on ESPN's baseball coverage. Today's rant is on something we noticed as well: The awful, brain-dead banter about the AL Cy Young between analysts John Kruk and Harold Reynolds and anchor Karl Ravec...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while trapped in a Russian sub ... · Tony Stewart: wins Indy Allstate 400. You: Can't even get parents to loan you the car. · When Cardinals' David Eckstein (5-foot-7, 165) is hitting walkoff grand slams, you know steroids are out of control. · The most interesting thing to happen in...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while below decks planning the mutiny ... · Alan Greenspan brought in to explain NBA's confusing 13-player mega deal. · A's win sixth straight, but sad to discover they're still based in Oakland. · News from dad down at the pub: Liverpool triumphs in Champions Cup....
About Last Night ...
What you missed due to that wrong turn onto the missile range ... · It's like taking away Popeye's spinach: non-chemically enhanced Orioles lose again. · T.O. takes a break from being the world's biggest shitheel to attend Eagles camp?. · A's win fifth straight, come within one game of first. We for...
About Last Night ...
What you missed when Tom Arnold showed up, drunk, wanting to talk about his love life ... · Red Sox to Ramirez: "Oh, how can we stay mad at you?" · Vijay wins Buick Open, declares himself "King of Everything." · Giambi's two totally natural, non-chemically enhanced homers lead Yankees (wink, wink)....
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch as the tattoo removal guy lasers her name from your arm, and, finally, your heart ... · Tigers at Athletics. Detroit's Sean Douglass, pride of the Toledo Mud Hens, tries to go 4-0. · Weetabix Cereal Women's British Open. Servings per container: 1. Calories: 0. · Pugilism: Lubwana vs. T...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while trying to convince Larry Brown to coach your son's 5th grade basketball team ... · Let's mistakenly play two: Blue Jays beat Angels in 18th inning. · Using a branch for a club and a small rock for a ball, Tiger still only seven strokes back at Buick Open. · Braves sweep Nationa...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch as E.T. fends for himself in his flight from authorities ... · Mets at Astros. Houston fans give a warm welcome to former Astro Carlos Beltran, who ... hey! Who threw that brick? · Soccer or football? Winner of D.C. United vs. Chelsea gets to name it once and for all. · How Nick Watney...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while attending to your duties as Pope ... · Our long national nightmare is over: Knicks, Brown finally tie the knot. · Yankees stopped by Santana (not the band). · We are filled with shame: < ahref="http://www.suntimes.com/output/fire/cst-spt-fire28.html">AC Milan beats MLS Chicago ...
To Watch Tonight ...
The burglar stole everything except your crappy TV. Thank the Lord. ... · Hey, maybe the Padres will make Phil Nevin catch again! That would be funny. · What are we going to do tonight? I have six words for you my friend: Frontier League Baseball All-Star Game. · Now that the dancing show is over, p...
About Last Night ...
What you missed when the Pillsbury Dough Boy had you arrested for inappropriate poking · Maddux: Gets 3,000th strikeout. You: Eat 30,000th Chicken McNugget. · Phelps wins 200 free at World Swim Championships despite that meddlesome Aquaman. · Sosa mistakenly uses non-corked bat, ties Frank Robinson ...
To Watch Tonight ...
What To Watch Until Squirrels Eat Through The Cable ... Twins at Yankees: N.Y. needs to finish ahead of Red Sox, if for no other reason than to stop a Fever Pitch sequel Boxing: Ren Gonz lez vs. Samuel Hern ndez. Bantamweights — they're so cute at that age. WNBA: LA Sparks vs. Phoenix Mercury. Feel ...
About Last Night ...
You awoke on the front lawn with a dog licking your face and various unexplainable tattoos. We'll bring you up to speed. · OK, that idea the Red Sox had about putting Schilling in the bullpen? Not so good. · Monday Night Golf: Tiger, Daly lose to two guys who just wandered in from a nearby bar. · Al...