no Page 5023 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Autistic Teen Has Perfect Bracket, Cannot Profit (UPDATE)
Alex Herrmann, 17, has a perfect bracket going at CBSSports.com's Bracket Manager. The odds of this are one in 13,460,000. Get that kid a fake ID and a trip to a riverboat casino. UPDATE: The kid's bracket, below....

Dead Wrestler Of The Week: André The Giant
Every week, the Masked Man, Deadspin's pro wrestling correspondent, honors the sport's fallen and examines their legacies — famous and obscure alike. Today: André the Giant, who died of a heart attack in 1993. He was 46....

Vote for the Ugliest American from St. Pat's Day
The candidates aren't ugly, per se—they're more like lovably enthusiastic. But damn are they green. Send the number of your favorite Ugly American to [email protected] (subject: "Ugly Vote") by noon EST tomorrow. Winner gets a $300 AMEX gift card. [Rules] Gallery below!...

How To Tap A Fucking Keg
We asked Awl contributor Abe Sauer to write a profanity-filled, Spring Break-themed servicey piece, one that could be useful for both dopey sun-poisoned college kids and backyard BBQ enthusiasts. The Awl agreed to let us borrow its occasional series. Enjoy....

Baby (Joe) Mauer Gets No Trade Clause From Seattle Family
In the grand tradition of parents naming their kids after sports heroes they can't possibly live up to—and then dressing them up in silly costumes—we proudly present Baby Joe Mauer....

"It Wasn't Death. It Was The Ghost Of Dale Earnhardt, And He Was Smoking A Marlboro Red."
SBNation's Spencer Hall, America's Tackling Dummy, raced six terrifying laps at Talladega and realized the competitors who do this for a living are "Completely. Barking. Mad." Carve out some time to read it all. You won't be disappointed. [SBNation]...

Is The NBA Ready For Another Insane Billionaire Owner?
Mark Cuban has cornered the market on "playfully eccentric tech nerd sports owner," but he is in serious trouble if the Golden State Warriors fall into the hands of Larry Ellison. This guy practically invented the arrogant, kooky billionaire....

Kurt Warner Joins The Ranks Of White People Walking It Out
A sun-hatted Kurt Warner made an appearance at a charity flag football event and, like Buzz Williams before him, decided to dance to a song no one has liked for several years. Unlike Buzz, he's actually not bad. [Slanch Report]...

Toronto Blue Jays: The End Of Clarence
Will Leitch will be previewing/musing on every baseball team each weekday until the start of the season. You can pre-order his book and follow him on Twitter. Today: The Toronto Blue Jays....

Classic Tony Romo Interview Becomes Student Broadcaster's Nightmare
A young broadcasting student at Eastern Illinois University scored a major get with alumnus Tony Romo, but I guess student activities fees don't cover dedicated phone lines for interviews. "Tony, can you hear me?" [YouTube; skip ahead for dramatic conclusion.]...

Last Night's Winner: Dance! Dance! DANCE!
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like ballroom dance enthusiasts who suddenly found a lot of weirdos hanging around them last night. Why are all these pasty dorks cheering the Vienna Waltz?...

So The Fingers Don't Mean 'We're #1?'
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Kentucky's Future Lawyers Blow Off Class For Game, Get Called Out By Angry Dean
Northern Kentucky Law School held a mandatory "professionalism" lecture Thursday night, at the same time as UK's opening round game. The result: maybe not a lesson in professionalism, but certainly one in irony....

Johnny Damon Puts A Ring On It
Freed from the Yankee yoke, Damon says he's finally allowed to display his Red Sox championship ring. Also, his caveman beard and stripper wife. [NY Post]...

A Tale Of Two Zebras: Hockey Refs Turn Informant, Victim
Hockey referees are a fickle creature: sometimes they tell you how to beat the goalie, sometimes you get arrested for checking them into the boards. This weekend saw both....

Radiohead The Horse Finds Critical Success, Popular Acclaim To Follow
A horse named Radiohead is considered one of the most promising 3-year-olds in the country. And no wonder: he's fitter, happier, more productive. [Steady Burn, image via RollingStone.com]...

Live Blogging People Dancing With What Some Consider To Be Stars
See this lady? She's involved somehow in tonight's season premiere of DWTS (pronounced "duh-witz"), along with 10 other celebrities....

Milton Bradley, Nothing If Not Consistent
The newest Mariner is very sorry for his two consecutive Spring Training ejections. Just kidding! He says he'll never change, and that the umpires are out to get him. [Seattle Times]...

Mark Ingram's Money-Laundering Father Gets Extended Sentence For Watching Sugar Bowl
Mark Ingram, father of Heisman Trophy winner Mark Ingram, will serve an extra 27 months in federal "[Office Space quote]" prison after jumping bail to watch Alabama's 2009 Sugar Bowl loss to Utah....

Pat Jordan Submits His Spring Break Essays To Us Via Fax
...And the first installment will run tomorrow Wednesday. Mr. Jordan cargo van-slummed it in Daytona Beach for us last week to complete this assignment, so pass it along to friends and colleagues because he'll never do this for us again....