no Page 5182 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
John Madden Agrees To Work For NFL, Save Frank Caliendo's Career
The former broadcaster/coach, apparently bored with retirement already, has been hired as a "Special Advisor to the Commissioner." "See this right here? That's a four-game suspension for drug use. BAM!" [ProFootballWeekly]...
Nationals Manager Says Baseball Isn't "Physically Taxing"
Interim Washington manager Jim Riggleman doesn't want to hear about late-season blues wearing his team down, because baseball isn't even that hard to begin with. Especially when you play it the Washington Nationals way!...
If Ya Can't Beat Em, Dress Up Like A Lady
So the saying goes. Here's rookie fuck David Price, preparing to "work his rookie magic" in the South Bronx after last night's 4-2 loss at Yankee stadium. [ESPN]...
Starbury Addresses The Gay Jokes In True Starbury Fashion
With another video. In which he sings. And displays his painted toenails. And says, "If you think I'm gay, leave me in a room with your girl for an hour and she's gonna tell you how gay I am." [NESWsports.com]...
Arkansas Basketball: Gang Bangs And Rape LOLs On Twitter
No charges will be filed against three Arkansas basketball players accused of raping an 18-year-old girl, a matter to which one Razorback alluded earlier in the week in a LOLlingly idiotic Tweet....
Alabama Fan Is Not Pleased About That Last Call
Not only did college football return to us last weekend, it brought back a classic genre of the YouTube age—the overstimulated SEC fan boiling over with rage as they watch their team fail on TV....
Out-Of-Context Quotes Make Shawne Merriman Look Pretty Guilty
"I've been able to knock somebody out....I must have split personalities....I'm so dangerous right now I scare myself." [Playboy]...
NASCAR Jesus Would Like To Buy You A Bud
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap....
The Tale Of Melanie Oudin And The Homewrecker
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
The Drunken Jellyfish Bandit Begins His Reign Of Terror
An intoxicated Florida beachgoer was arrested after pretending to drown in order to lure in would-be rescuers, only to hurl jellyfish at them when they approached. That's the greatest sentence I've ever written. [St. Pete Times]...
Canadian NHL Teams Told To Take The Bus
In a fiendish plot no doubt engineered by Gary Bettman, a government ruling banned the six Canadian NHL teams' charter planes from flying between US cities. This is how the Great Can-Am War begins....
Look Who Can Finally Afford A Mac
Viewers were shocked and appalled to see the YES Network cameras focus on Emeritus looking like a real grown-up reporter during tonight's Yankee game. One reader described his performance as "surly." [H/T Matthew and Kevin]...
After Unanimous Backlash, Mark Whicker Responds
Though the column was published Monday night, Whicker's Jaycee Dugard column didn't strike the collective nerve of the Internet until today. I got in touch with the OC Register's sports editor, and here's what he and Whicker have to say....
Does Michael Jordan Have Any Friends Left?
Despite what he'll tell you, Jordan wouldn't have won a single title without help. Yet Jerry Krause, the man who assembled that collection of second bananae, won't be there as MJ enters the Hall of Fame. Why not?...
Mark Whicker Leaves The Yard
I do not say this lightly: What you're about to read is the single worst piece of sports journalism ever committed to the page....
Bad News Bears: Doc Has Newark's Fix
Doc Gooden has landed in Newark (and no, not to score blow). As the Newark Bears' new Senior VP/community ambassador, he'll be mentoring area kids, presumably on how not to wind up like Doc Gooden....
Lingerie Football Off To A Rousing Start
Week 1 of Lingerie "Football" kicked off with this revealing wardrobe malfunction. Enjoy. [With Leather]...
Sympathy For The Refs
More and more it's looking as if the NBA will lock out its referees and turn to scabs instead, and no one will much protest because NBA refs aren't exactly coalminers in Matewan. But this is nevertheless a bad development....
Brady Quinn Will Guide Your Browns To Victory In 2009, New Media Says
The Cleveland Plain Dealer reports that Eric Mangini has confirmed the report by Pro Football Talk via Terrell Owens' congratulatory Twitter message that Quinn will start this Sunday against the Vikings. Welcome to the new journalism. [Cleveland Plain Dealer]...
Help Wanted: Preposterous NFL Project 2009
Dear Readers: If anyone in the NYC area would like to volunteer to care for our football-playing gerbil and frog this year, please contact me. Consider it an internship. Sort of. No, this is not a joke....