ns Page 2296 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Terps As Controversial In Congress As Health Care
The House debates, for far too long, a resolution congratulating Maryland "on an outstanding season." The vote was just as contentious, but at least spared us a Dick Vitale filibuster. [WaPo]...

Jim Lampley-Metallica Mashup The Logical Continuation Of Meme
DJ Raw B has mashed up Jim Lampley's stirring Pacquiao-Clottey commentary with Metallica's "Master of Puppets" for us all to enjoy. Thanks DJ Raw B. [ZShare]...

Let's Listen In As The Crazy People Talk About Obama's NCAA Bracket
"'From each according to his ability, to each according to his need.' If that is your mantra, why would you watch college basketball. ... Obama should only watch sports where they do not keep score. Socialists are hipocrits." [Free Republic]...

Last Night's Winner: Sports Shouters
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like sports shouters, whose soapboxes were raised an extra couple inches thanks to Tiger Woods' triumphantly selfish return to Augusta....

Cockpunch Night In The NIT
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Barry Bonds Fan Club Getting A Little Jealous Of McGwire Acceptance
As baseball's prodigal son returns to the St. Louis bench, some in San Francisco are wondering why their own disgraced steroid user wouldn't be welcomed back with open arms....

DePaul Coach Search Reaches New Low
DePaul, basketball head coachless since January 11, has posted the opening on the university's careers website. Can you say, "Quentin Richardson is not walking through that door?" You're qualified. [Tremendous Upside Potential]...

Tiger Woods Returning For Masters
"The Masters is where I won my first major and I view this tournament with great respect. After a long and necessary time away from the game, I feel like I'm ready to start my season at Augusta."[ESPN]...

America's Feeblest Legal Minds Weigh In On Erin Andrews
Somewhat curiously, ESPN.com has put the sentencing of Erin Andrews's stalker on the front page. Even more curiously, they've left commenting open. Seriously, go now. It's worse than YouTube in there. [ESPN.com]...

The Best In NCAA Conspiracy Theories
The NCAA Selection Committee is a shadowy backroom cabal, operating with minimal transparency and zero oversight. But do they really rig the brackets? We look at five of the most plausible theories, and rank them on their merits....

Terrified Children Still Being Thrown, Taunted By Angry Sheep
It's been a while since we've had a quality bustin' incident featured here, but thankfully the heartless marketing team of the Colorado Mammoth's professional lacrosse organization recently let the mighty sheep embarrass some over-matched tots during halftime. Mutton victorious....

Potential Train Wreck Alert: Mike Tyson Gets Reality Show
Mike Tyson is coming to Animal Planet. Tentatively titled Take on Tyson, the show will "pit Tyson and his birds against the best racing-pigeon owners in New York." Can it possibly top this? [NY Post]...

Calipari On Buccigross: "He's A Jagoff"
Kentucky coach John Calipari talked with SportsCenter today. Wrapping up, he had the chance to say something to ESPN's John Buccigross. Calipari proceeds to call him a "jagoff" yet again. H/t reader Tyler for the video....

Onions, Both Peeled And Grabbed, Win The Weekend
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the guy from the NCAA selection committee who peeled his metaphorical onions, and this happy Buccaneer from East Tennessee State, who merely gripped his....

One Of Ben Roethlisberger's "Bitches" Speaks Up
Ben Roethlisberger's still getting hassled over that innocent Thursday night of bar hopping in Milledgeville, Ga. and now there are more people willing to say damning things about him since he's apparently not very nice to everyone....

Gus Johnson Is Screaming About Desperation Threes In An 8-Point Game; It Must Be March
Quick looks at all the early afternoon conference tournament action....

Stories That Don't Suck: Axl Rose, Hockey Goons, Cassius Bom-Ba-Ye, Dr. Z In The USSR
Every week, I'll excerpt a handful of stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that I urge you to read for one reason or another. Send any suggestions to [email protected]....

Chad Ochocinco Unleashes Twitter Fury Upon Unsuspecting ESPN Personalities
As a person familiar with both ridiculous Twitter sissy fights and ESPN nuking, I find #85's 140-character anger towards certain WWL personalities who "showed negativity" amusing. [OGOchoCinco]...

Yup, That's Some Blackface At A Hockey Game
Got a highly touted prospect in the minors, and you want to show the world you're a fan? You could wear his jersey. Or, if you're in Quebec, you could break out the shoe polish and afro wigs....

Nerds, Catholics And State Schools Vie For Meaningless Honorific
Here's a pretty fascinating look at which programs can lay claim to being the "winningest" of all time. Rich Rodriguez has a good shot at literally ruining UM's legacy. [Detroit Free Press]...