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Don't Have Kids? Don't Go To The Pumpkin Patch.
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we're covering the NFL, stoner poop stories, old-man voices, and more....
Royals Win On Wild Sprint-Off
Jarrod Dyson is fond of the maxim, "that's what speed do," which is an easy thing to say when you're as fast as Jarrod Dyson. But last night's thrilling come-from-behind win, in which two pinch-runners had their ways with the basepaths? That's what speed do....
The Two Worst Icons In Gmail
Gmail is good. I like Gmail. But I fuck up and archive an email by mistake at least once a day, because for whatever reason, some loaded diaper in Mountain View decided to use the same icon, twice, for EXACTLY OPPOSITE FUNCTIONS. ...
Snoop Dogg On Steelers OC Todd Haley: "Fire That Motherfucker"
Snoop Dogg, never one to be shy about his sports takes, has set his sights on Pittsburgh Steelers offensive coordinator Todd "The Todd" Haley. The Steelers lost to the Eagles tonight 31-21 and Snoop was not having any of it. He went on a motherfucking tirade about Haley and posted it to Instagram....
Roddy White Finally Made Good On That Twitter Bet
Back in March, Falcons wide receiver Roddy White got on Twitter and made a foolish bet with a guy named Brian Hoyt on the Duke-Mercer game. White told Hoyt that he'd give him Falcons season tickets if Mercer beat Duke. Of course, Mercer went on to win. Oops....
Cubs Catcher Is Winning Pitcher, Scores Winning Run In 16-Inning Game
I do not envy the hardy fans who watched all 6:27 of the game between the 43-63 Rockies and the 44-61 Cubs, including 12 straight scoreless innings. But those who did stick it out saw something rare: Chicago catcher John Baker pitched a scoreless top of the 16th, and became the winning pitcher whe...
Derek Jeter And Todd Frazier, Together Again After 16 Years
My jerk coworkers won't understand, but Derek Jeter does represent something to Yankee fans of a certain age. Like me! Over the course of his career, baseball players went from grown men I admired to people who are now younger than me. These two pictures, of Jeter posing with Reds 3B Todd Frazier 16...
Rugby Team Cuts Player For Photo Of Him Pissing Into His Own Mouth
An Australian rugby league team released one of its players today after a photo surfaced that appears to show him pissing into his own mouth....
<em>Good Day New York</em> Anchor Gets Horny Over His Female Colleague's Body
The folks at Good Day New York sent a correspondent out out to the newly renovated Action Park in New Jersey yesterday. It was an assignment that made for some fun on-the-scene reporting from Anna Gilligan. It also presented a good opportunity for Greg Kelly to do some heavy-breathed creepin' on his...
Odd Future's Second Act: On <em>Loiter Squad</em> And The Art Of Trolling
The hostile-prankster side of Odd Future came roaring back to the fore last month after an unprecedented streak of good behavior (or at least standard promoting-our-new-albums behavior). The Cali skate-rap crew raised eyebrows and/or hackles throughout their press rounds for season three of their Ad...
Heartbroken Dude Attacks Ex-Girlfriend And Ex-Best Friend Via T-Shirts
When your girlfriend hooks up with your best friend, living well is the best revenge, but the second-best revenge is selling $13 sky-blue T-shirts emblazoned with "Fuck You Todd & Jessica!" as the pretense for an all-caps rant in which you lambaste Jessica as a "CHERUBIC CONCUBINE TWAT LORD" and inf...
Sheepherding Dog Is Very Bad At Herding Sheep, Still Very Cute
Meet Dexter. He's out here trying to herd these sheep, but he can't quite figure out the best way to get the job done. The sheep are just over here like, "What's going on with my man Dexter? Is he OK?"...
Rays Broadcaster Todd Kalas Chokes Up While Reporting Don Zimmer's Death
The passing of MLB lifer Don Zimmer was announced in the middle of numerous baseball games, but the report by Rays broadcaster Todd Kalas stuck out in particular for being so damn sad....
In Praise Of <em>Veep's</em> Gary, A Truly Lovable TV Oddball At Last
There’s a familiar archetype found in many of the past decade’s most critically acclaimed comedies: the oddball. Dwight Schrute occupied this space on The Office, Kenneth was 30 Rock’s version, and Buster Bluth very much defined the role on Arrested Development. The latter was expertly played by Ton...
Kiper Vs. McShay Vs. Mayock Death Match: Who's The Best Mock Drafter?
With the NFL Draft pundits rolling out their final mock drafts this week, which one should you pay the most attention to?...
Players Boycott Return Of Coach Fired For False Child Porn Charges
The story of Todd Hoffner, the former Minnesota State-Mankato football coach who was fired after being falsely accused of possessing child pornography in 2012, took a strange and sad turn today as he attempted to reclaim his old job—and players refused to practice for him....
University Hires, Fires SID After Failing To Google Him
Yesterday afternoon, the University of Great Falls (Mont.) hired and fired a new sports information director in the span of two hours., after it was reported that he has a past criminal conviction. The background check UGF ran on Todd Brittingham did not reveal his criminal history. The university c...
Roddy White Promised A Fan Season Tickets If Duke Lost. Uh, Roddy?
Roddy White had Duke going all the way in this year's NCAA Tournament. Dylan Hoyt begged to differ. White tweeted something he probably regrets....