of Page 283 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Houston Texans Are Pure Frauds, No Matter Who's Playing Quarterback
Two interminable streaks were on the line today in Houston: the Texans’ unbroken history of playoff humiliations, and Deshaun Watson not having lost a game by more than one score since high school. The fragrance of ass that exudes from the Texans and Bill O’Brien was more powerful by far, as the Col...
This Is The Only Way The Texans Can Stop The Colts From Scoring
The Colts have a 21-0 lead and a ridiculous 20 first downs at halftime against the Texans, and it would likely be 35-0 if not for two plays. ...
Week 17 Is A Great Week To Watch Quarterbacks Catch Touchdowns
The early games on Week 17 Sunday are not that interesting. Everything with some drama was flexed to 4 p.m., so fans are left watching a bunch of blowouts and meaningless games....
Alabama Did What Alabama Does To Oklahoma
In Saturday’s first 17 minutes of game time, Alabama reeled off 28 straight points to knock down Oklahoma before anyone at the Orange Bowl had a chance to buy a second beer. That early lead proved to be the cushion Alabama needed to coast to an easy, if not entirely calm, victory in Miami. The final...
Clemson Reminded Us That Notre Dame Is A Fraud
Who didn’t see this coming? For what’s felt like the entire college football season, Notre Dame had the air of championship pretenders, despite running the table through their hand-picked schedule. In Saturday’s first College Football Playoff semi-final, Clemson put any doubt about that assumption t...
The Cotton Bowl Pregame Eagle Went Rogue All Over JerryWorld
Prior to the Cotton Bowl college football semifinal between prepared No. 3 Notre Dame and No. 2 Clemson, one intrepid bird of prey decided to take a flying tour throughout the 100,000-seat monument to Jerry Jones’ overcompensation:...
Nevada Coach Jay Norvell Hath Donned The Blue Shirt Of Inspiration
In general, football head coaches are pretty much the dullest, weirdest, most wooden-brained group of men on earth, just a bunch of sweaty cosplaying doofuses blindly guessing at how to do their ridiculous job and what it even means to be good at that job, which probably isn’t really one job at all ...
Referee Meltdown In Celtics-Rockets Surprisingly Has Nothing To Do With James Harden's Footwork
The Rockets ran away from the Celtics Thursday night, in a game that was marred in both halves by some especially spotty and sensitive refereeing by the officiating crew. The officials handed out six technical fouls—three against each team—and at least a couple of them appeared to be the result of r...
You Can Only Grieve So Much<em></em>
Will Leitch, contributing editor at New York magazine, national correspondent for MLB.com, film critic for Grierson & Leitch, host of Sports Illustrated’s “The Will Leitch Show” and founder of Deadspin, is doing his yearly fill-in for Drew Magary on today’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo...
NBA Officials Ruined Two Great Posters With Two Soft Techs
Jaylen Brown and Lauri Markkanen each had an incredible posterizing dunk in their games on Friday night. Each player looked at their respective victims and gave a slight flex in victory over their athletic accomplishment. Shortly after, each player was assessed a technical foul for their “unsportsma...
This Year's Baseball Hall Of Famers Are Nearly Sure Things
The most important man in baseball every December is Ryan Thibodaux. Thibodaux runs the Baseball Hall of Fame Vote Tracker, which does exactly what it promises: it keeps a running tally of BBWAA members’ ballots, allowing you (and also, crucially, people who are actually good with statistics) to get...
College Hoops' Most Brutal Losing Streak Is Over
The streak wasn’t mentioned much. Sure, everyone wearing a purple Eutectics hoodie on campus knew that the St. Louis College of Pharmacy men’s basketball team hadn’t won a game in four years—that sort of ineptitude earns a modicum of notoriety—but future pharmacists don’t generally spend upwards of ...
I Can't Stop Thinking About Jim Nantz Calling Tom Brady "Mr. Cool"
Jim Nantz is too fundamentally bland as a human for a conflict of interest to be concerning, but what fresh hell was this? During Sunday’s Patriots-Steelers game, the CBS broadcaster betrayed his WASPy exterior with an ejaculated moment of unrestrained happiness for his good chum Tom Brady. “Mr. Coo...
The New MLS Playoff Format Is A Disaster In Waiting
In its effort to continue to tweak every single thing imaginable, MLS announced on Monday that there will be a new playoff format starting in 2019. The league is doing away with the European-influenced two-legged playoffs in favor of a single-elimination tournament, akin to March Madness....
Jared Goff Is Really Struggling<em></em>
There is plenty to discuss about Jared Goff and the suddenly mortal Los Angeles Rams, but Goff’s panicked third-quarter interception was so inexplicable that it’d be a disservice to push it any further down this post, so:...
Audacious Clown Tries To Win Back $100 In Daily Fantasy Losses, By Going To Court Twice
On April 1, 2016, Colin Dew-Becker joined degenerates nationwide in a nightly ritual: blowing money on daily fantasy sports. He lost $100 on a wager, plus $9 in fees, in an NBA head-to-head contest on FanDuel. In point of fact, Dew-Becker was positively smoked, losing by a score of 221.1 points to 9...
As Ring Of Honor Closes The Book On 2018, A New Startup Wrestling Promotion Looms
Ring of Honor’s year-end pay-per-view event, Final Battle, will air live on Friday night from the Hammerstein Ballroom at the Manhattan Center in New York City. It’s become one of the biggest events in independent wrestling, but there’s more intrigue around it than usual this year, as it looks likel...
The Baseball Hall Of Fame Is Now In The Remembering Some Guys Business
Beyond the obvious broad comedy inherent in the words fuming baseball purists, one of the more amusing aspects of Harold Baines’s otherwise inexplicable selection to the Baseball Hall of Fame this week has been the sheer volume of discourse devoted to Harold Fucking Baines across various platforms. ...
Report: "Narcissistic Sociopath" D.J. Durkin Is A Consultant At Alabama Now
D.J. Durkin was finally fired by the University of Maryland in October after a player died on his watch, an investigative report found a “toxic” culture in the football program, much of the rest of his team threatened revolt, the university president resigned, and the state’s governor took him to ta...
Baseball's Hall Of Fame Was Busted Long Before Harold Baines Got In
It was terribly unfair of the “Today’s Game Era Committee” of the Baseball Hall of Fame to put Harold Baines in this position. When they elected Baines to the Hall on Dec. 9, the TGEC did him an honor, but also made him the foremost case study for the knowledge gap between those who control the Hall...