off Page 313 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The Best Place To Get In A Bar Fight This Sunday
When Viking fans in New York City want to watch Vikings games, they go to a place called Bar None. When Saints fans in New York City want to watch Saints games, they go to the exact same bar. Uh-oh....

Nate Kaeding Suicide Joke Watch
Did you hear Nate Kaeding tried to commit suicide last night, but was unsuccessful because he's terrible at kicking footballs? Yes, San Diego's kicker is not a beloved man right now....unless you love terrible internet jokes. Then he's a godsend!...

AFC Playoff Open Thread: Poise. Unseasonable Warmth. Go.
Will playoff Norv Turner rear his ugly, ugly head? Will Rex Ryan declare the Jets bigger than Jesus? Discuss the unsexiest of playoff matchups in the comments. [NFL.com]...

NFC Playoff Open Thread: Romo. Favre. Ad Nauseam. Go.
On the plus side, you'll stop hearing about one of these QBs after today. On the minus side, you'll definitely continue hearing about the other. Choose your preferred natural disaster in the comments. [NFL.com]...

Jose Offerman Lives The Dream, Punches Ump
We here at Deadspin prefer it when athletes commit their assaults on the playing field. It means we get to see it all on video....

AFC Playoff Open Thread: Flaccos. Mannings. Go.
The Baltimore Ravens were my mid-season Super Bowl pick and I'm sticking to it. Even if they lose. Peyton Manning is out to prove he can go deep in the playoffs without Dungy and his reliable receiver-who-possibly-shot-some-guy. [NFL.com]...

NFC Playoff Open Thread: Buzzsaw. Fleur-De-Lys. Go.
Chris Berman boldly predicted this game would be a "shootout" with a final score of "77-75." That means everyone should take the under immediately. Biggest question of the day: "Will the 'Fuck Da Eagles' gal make an appearance? [NFL.com] [Photo-via]...

Romo-Favre Manlove Getting A Little Unbearable
Thank goodness the game's just two days away. We're dangerously close to the two just calling a press conference and fellating each other in front of the assembled media....

Ravens To Appease Football Gods With Ritual Animal Slaughter
Baltimore will display the lobsters won in a bet with Massachusetts's governor last week, as a warning to the Colts tomorrow. It's better than that time Ray Lewis sacrificed two people, and won the Super Bowl the next year. [AP]...

The 2009 St. Louis Rams: A Season Of Failure
This pretty much sums it up, doesn't it?...

The 2009 Washington Redskins: A Season Of Failure
The Washington Redskins are a franchise that has seen better days, but a decade under a tyrannical, greedy, and possibly imbalanced owner has left fans with the sinking feeling that they may never see those days again....

Even Some NFL Players Never Get Over High School
Second-round subplot that also makes convenient mid-week playoff filler: Jets wideout Jerricho Cotchery seeks to avenge himself upon Chargers QB (and former college teammate) Phillip Rivers over a high school playoff defeat. HOW DOES HE SLEEP?! [NYPost, via SSF]...

Everybody Loves Kurt Warner...Except One Former California Pizza Kitchen Employee
Kurt Warner just can't stop winning over NFL fans with his sage quarterbacking and stock boy humbleness, so even if he doesn't make it to Canton we can all agree he's an exceptional human being, right? Behold a dissenter....

According To This Man's Pus-Filled Foot, The Vikings Are The New Team Of Destiny
Just look at this man's foot. A reader, who wishes to remain anonymous, noticed the throbbing blister resembled the Vikings' helmet horn, thus guaranteeing victory. Or possible amputation due to diabetes, but let's stay positive....

Defense Wins The Weekend
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like NFL defensive units who shut down their opponents and made all the difference in first-round playoff wins. When they bothered to show up....

Hawk About To Get Paid Hawking Autographs
Having a plaque in Cooperstown is nice. The unstated-but-significant financial windfall that comes with being a hall-of-famer could be nicer....

BREAKING: Jim Mora Fired
Jay Glazer just tweeted the news a couple minutes ago. And Glazer is blissfully never wrong. I've always thought Jim Mora 2 looks like an Eskimo. That's probably a wrong assumption....

Presenting The Absolute Worst Hall Of Fame Voter (Update)
In all the foofaraw over the HOF elections, one voter stands above the rest in terms of sheer ineptitude and self-promotion. Let's ridicule them! But first, the runners up:...

Robbie Alomar Can Only Think Of One Reason He's Not In The Hall Yet
"His first phone call was to umpire John Hirschbeck, to reassure him there was no hard feelings over the spitting incident and he in no way felt Hirschbeck was responsible." Yeah, no shit the spittee's not responsible. [Stalking Steve Phillips]...

Tony La Russa Is Screwing With Baseball Writers' Heads
Self-important blowhard manager loosely speculating about pinch-hitting Mark McGwire this season vs. self-important blowhard media collective accusing him of dicking around with Mark McGwire's Hall of Fame clock: Who ya got? [NYDN]...