off Page 323 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Your NHL Playoffs Are Ready
The matchups and schedule are set for the first round of the NHL playoffs. I hope your Versus subscription is up to date! [Puck Daddy]...
NBA, NHL Out Of Playoff Spots
This weekend could have been a furious playoff dash to cap off both the pro basketball and hockey seasons, but all the playoffs spots were wrapped up last night, so never mind all that....
Down In Front, Regis! Celebrity Fans And Why We Hate Them
It's Waxing Off, the Internet feature that was planted in the ground by God to test our faith. This week's topic: The scourge of celebrity sports fans....
Time Running Out To Bid On Bernie Madoff's Mets Tickets
Bernie Madoff's Opening Day Mets tickets are now on sale. Don't worry; nine innings with the San Diego Padres will only seem like a prison sentence....
Skip Off The Pond, On To The Green, Nothing But Cup....
I wish there were a way to calculate the odds of anyone ever making this shot again. [Dogs Chasing Cars]...
Adorable Michael Jordan Thinks He Can Still Play
Yesterday, I implied that Michael Jordan's reaction to his Hall Of Fame induction might be indifference or dismissal of such a trifle, but it was even worse than I imagined. The guy is actually insulted!...
Former Chicago Bull Receives Minor Accolade
The Basketball Hall of Fame announced its 2009 class today, which means that Michael Jordan is finally getting some kind of recognition for his basketball career....
The Hoff Can't Get Enough Dwyane Wade
Prime 112 in Miami closed for Alonzo Mourning's private retirement party on Monday, but that doesn't stop David Hasselhoff from showing up, asking to hug Alonzo and Dwyane Wade. [Miami Herald]...
'Favre Just Dropped An F5,' And Other Observations On Jock-Female Relations
It's time for Waxing Off, the only Internet feature which can tell the time in the U.S., London and Prague. Today's topic; why the rules for dating women seem to be different for top athletes....
Getting To The Bottom Of The Lingerie Football League
It's time for Waxing Off, the only Internet feature to turn down federal stimulus bailout money. This week's topic: The scourge of the Lingerie Football League....
The Video Of Ryan Moats Getting Pulled Over Is Intense And Troubling
It's a shame to get to this so late in the day, but this is pretty startling video of Ryan Moats' unfortunate run-in with the Dallas police department while rushing to his mother-in-law's bedside....
A's, White Sox Honor Slain Oakland Policemen On Sunday
Ozzie Guillen: "It's a hard day for the Bay Area. If it's police or fireman or military and you take their life away because they're protecting our country, it's a sad thing." [San Francisco Chronicle]...
On Women's Basketball, Other Girls' Breast Sizes And The Mercury Cheerleaders
It's Waxing Off, the only weekly feature with a built-in GPS. This week's topic: Women's basketball, and why some actual women don't even seem to like it....
ESPN Poll: Bring Back The A-11 Offense, You Jerks
The NFHS rules committee that banned the A-11 offense in January is out of touch with the typical football fan, and probably evil, according to a recent ESPN poll....
Your NCAA Office Pool Is Illegal, And You Are Headed To Federal Prison
Washington State Gambling Spokeswoman Amy Hunter says that any March Madness bracket pools over $1 are a crime. I wonder how she feels about all the Indian casinos in that state? [Sports Radio Interviews]...
Mr. Armstrong Expresses Displeasure With The French In 130 Characters Or Less (With Update)
Perhaps no athlete has used Twitter to his advantage more than Lance Armstrong; his Twitter Army found his stolen bike, after all. Now, our hero Twitters his outrage at those who stole some his hair....
Florida Kid Uses YouTube For Good, Not Evil
It's a cold world out there in these hard economic times, especially in the world of hockey. But meet Ben Gullett, who whipped up a unique scheme to help find his dad a new job....
When Lost In The Georgia Dome, Consult Your Nearest Cheerleader
Tyler Hansbrough went from victory to fail within seconds this afternoon, as he avoided being called for a critical foul in a last-second win over Virginia Tech, but then got lost leaving the court....
Curse Of The Colonel Update: Now PETA's Involved
Of course they are. The animal rights organization has sent an impassioned letter to the Chicago Cubs, advising them not to accept a Japanese baseball team's offer of a curse-breaking Kentucky Fried Chicken statue....
A Ladies' Primer On Bitter, Drunken March Madness Regret
It's Waxing Off, the feature that guarantees delivery in less than 30 minutes, or it's free. Today's topic: The NCAA Basketball Pool and the Brackets of Doom....