oh Page 326 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Stories That Don't Suck: The Kentucky Derby Is Faulkneresque, Heartbreaking And, As Always, Decadent And Depraved
Every week, Tommy will excerpt a handful of stories - old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime - that he urges you to read for one reason or another. Today, I'm filling in. Still, send suggestions: [email protected]....

Now Here's A Reds Funk Song To Make Their Fan Base Recoil In Shame
Readers Seth & Jen watched that wonderful Notre Dame promo and thought they recognized those Midwestern-sports-funk stylings from the video you see here, a celebration of Reds fandom....

Touchdown Jesus Wept: Notre Dame's Promo Video Is Funky, Awful
Notre Dame, a small Bible school with one of sports' more offensive nicknames, has decided to promote its athletic program by channeling Parliament-Funkadelic. The echoes just woke up and would like Notre Dame to please keep that awful racket down. [MSF]...

Santonio Holmes, Not Pittsburgh's Problem Anymore
Holmes was removed from an airplane in Pittsburgh last night for refusing to turn off his iPod upon landing. It doesn't bode well when your new acquisition doesn't wait until his suspension begins to get in trouble again. [WPXI]...

The Marquis Teague Scholarship-Revocation-Countdown Begins Now
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day...

Listen In As Chris Cooley Gets Pulled Over While On The Phone With Radio Show
Cooley, while talking with DC's Sports Junkies on WJFK-FM, was pulled over by a cop this morning for going too wide around a corner. Pro athletes: They're just like us! (Only they manage to wriggle out of their moving violations.) [WashPost; audio]...

Bobby V Comes Out Of The Closet As Someone Who Doesn't Quite Understand The Closet Metaphor
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day...

Marginally Talented Yet Newsworthy Players Find A Home In Tennessee
The Titans spent a late draft pick on Myron Rolle, then signed LeGarrette Blount and Stafon Johnson. Forget Hard Knocks; have they done a Real World: Nashville yet? [Titans Online]...

BC Hockey Players Somehow Manage To Crash A Trolley
College students drink like no other humans. Hockey players drink like no other athletes. And Boston College's NCAA-winning hockey team? Well, they must drink like champions, because they had a fender bender with mass transit....

Charles Barkley Just Up And Calls Everyone "Assholes"
After a question of curious taste, Barkley is rendered speechless — no mean feat. Well, he does manage to get out one notable word....

LeBron Puts James Johnson On A Poster
LeBron gives us a thunderous dunk over the hapless Johnson, followed by a scream that's television gold. We now return you to your regularly-scheduled, non-LeBron posting....

Strikeforce Post-Bout Brawl Is Childish, Exciting
Jake Shields was confronted during a post-fight interview by Jason "Mayhem" Miller demanding a rematch (Shields beat him in November). Because MMA wants to be the new boxing, their entourages got into it. Bonus: Gus Johnson gets righteous!...

Scott Stapp Ruins America
Scott Stapp, not content with making you hate music, God, and baseball, has decided to ruin America for everyone, too. Here he is, doing unspeakable things to our country's national anthem....

<i>Chicago Tribune</i> Writer Sits On Fighting Bulls Scoop, <i>Sun-Times</i> Has No Problem With That
TNT's Craig Sager reported that Chicago Tribune writer K.C. Johnson knew about the John Paxson-Vinny Del Negro dustup weeks ago, but kept quiet "out of respect" for the coach. Obviously, this makes Craig Sager an unprincipled hack....

Scott Stapp Ruins Baseball
Here's Stapp, known to you as lead singer for the band that made you hate both music and God, howling a song called "Marlins Will Soar." Sample lyric: "Let's play ball, it's gameday. We want strikeouts, base hits, double plays." [Stapp's Blog]...

Last Night's Winner: The Chicago Way
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the dueling old point guards, who finally gave folks a reason to care about the Bulls. Just in time for them to get fired....

Add Providence To The Institutional Control Watchlist
Two Friars players were arrested early today for assaulting a fellow student. Why? Oh, the usual reasons. They were looking for someone to beat up, and he was the first person they came across....

The Rangers Are Oh So Alone....
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Santonio Holmes Probably Going To Sit A Few Out
Santonio Holmes is facing a suspension for violating the NFL's substance abuse policy. As the exact reason for the suspension is not yet known, wildly unfounded speculation is welcome below. [PFT]...

Watch The Houston Rockets Murder Music
Luis Scola, Chase Budinger and Shane Battier take the stage for Battier's karaoke fundraiser. I'd offer something funnier than "people donated money to get them to stop singing," but I'm busy trying to stanch my ear bleeding. [Click2Houston, via Traina]...