oh Page 328 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Crotch Punch Fulfills Every Crotch Punch's Destiny, Gets Immortalized On Videotape
Here's the video of Seton Hall's Herb Pope doing to Texas Tech's Darko Cohadarevic what a thousand youth baseball bats have done to two thousand youth-coach testicles. [YouTube, via TBL]...

Calipari On Buccigross: "He's A Jagoff"
Kentucky coach John Calipari talked with SportsCenter today. Wrapping up, he had the chance to say something to ESPN's John Buccigross. Calipari proceeds to call him a "jagoff" yet again. H/t reader Tyler for the video....

Today In Ostracizing Johnny Weir's Gayness: Stars On Ice
Stars On Ice, the touring show that lets its skaters be as creative and flamboyant as they want, has turned down Johnny Weir. GLAAD says it's because of his sexual orientation. We say it's because they can't handle the fabulousness....

Gus Johnson Is Screaming About Desperation Threes In An 8-Point Game; It Must Be March
Quick looks at all the early afternoon conference tournament action....

The One Where ESPN.Com Engages In Unnecessary Censorship Of This Little Girl
We get a massive amount of tips in our inbox each week. Some are pretty interesting, but don't get published for one reason or another....

Stories That Don't Suck: Axl Rose, Hockey Goons, Cassius Bom-Ba-Ye, Dr. Z In The USSR
Every week, I'll excerpt a handful of stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that I urge you to read for one reason or another. Send any suggestions to [email protected]....

Johnny Bench: On Drugs Or Just Old And Batty?
The Score did an interview with the former Reds catcher and, for the first minute, he appears disoriented in a way that's unbecoming of Hall Of Fame catcher, but thoroughly enjoyable for those of us who enjoy people babbling aimlessly....

Let Us Now Savor The Bitter Tears Of Michigan Fans
Current thread titles at MGoBlog's message board: "God Hates Us," "Michigan Hating God," and "At what point do I poke myself in the eye with a stick," which is about the football team. [MGoBlog, h/t BML]...

Evan Turner Shuts Up Steve Lavin With 40-Foot Buzzer Beater
Things were looking good for the Michigan basketball team. Up two, two seconds left in the game; it was in the bag. Steve Lavin said it was the perfect example of why the conference tournaments are so great....

C. Ronaldo’s Latest Attempt And 9 Great Football Adverts!
Listening to the various ad execs taking him through their latest idea must have caused something of a tightening in the Cristiano Ronaldo trousers....

AN ESPN VP Joins The Olbermann-Simmons Pillow Fight
ESPN Executive VP and Editor John Walsh snarks back at Keith Olbermann in today's SportsBusiness Daily, and suddenly the Olbermann-Simmons feud has become one of those great Greek tragedies full of incest and bloodshed and men with stately white beards....

Amber Alert In Canada After Hockey Trading Cards Vanish
If an insured shipment of hockey trading cards is shipped from Newfoundland, when will it arrive in Ontario? Trick question; the post office will steal lose it. If you have any information, you know what to do. [UPI]...

You Reveal John Daly's Personnel File, He Reveals Your Cell Phone Number
Alleged JERK Garry Smits wrote a story about John Daly's "permanent record," which did not sit well with the golfer. But since he doesn't have a fancy newspaper job to respond with, he broadcast Smits cell phone number on Twitter....

Wizards, Donuts, Knives, And Cannibalistic Fruits
Boner from Growing Pains committed suicide last week, and that left me sad. More important, it made me remember that I used to watch that show religiously, and spent a great deal of my childhood imaging that I was Mike Seaver. There was one episode where Carol brings home some new friend: a smoking ...

John Daly's PGA Personnel File Is Appropriately Thick
Daly apparently got into enough trouble over the years that his file grew to 456 pages, which is less a personnel file than it is something Tolstoy might've written if Tolstoy had hung out at Hooter's. [Jacksonville.com]...

Bridge And Terry Have Shared Many Things, But Not A Handshake
More handshake line drama! This time, Wayne Bridge waits for John Terry before yesterday's Chelsea/Man City tilt. I suppose anything less than a roundhouse kick should be considered taking the high road....

Last Night's Winner: Canadian Men On Skates
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the Canadian skatesmen, who prat fell onto the podium for short-track speedskating and held off the feisty Slovakians in hockey for a chance at gold against Amerika....

Sorry, ESPN, But Your Audience Does Not Want To Read About Florida QB's Dad's Prostate Cancer, Apparently
Granted, this was an odd story to have on the front page of ESPN, but it certainly didn't warrant the anonymous, angry hordes completely knee-capping the thing in the cruelest ways possible....

Deadspin I-Team: Is This John Clayton's Ponytail?
Reader Brad alerts us to this video, in which one can discern what appears to be the fabled and disputed ponytail of John Clayton, bobbing up and down. Look at the evidence. I-Team's verdict: ponytail. We await comment from ESPN....

Every England Left-Back Out Of World Cup, Caught In Adultery Scandal
After Ashley Cole went down with a broken ankle, all of England's hopes rested on Wayne Bridge. Would he put the personal unpleasantness aside, for queen and country? Hell no....