oh Page 342 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Lest We Forget, More Than One Career Ended On Thursday
The retirement of John Madden, sadly, means his chief imitator is also surely consigned to the scrap heap. And so, fare thee well: Thou never shalt hear Frank Caliendo any more....
John Madden Retiring
Darren Rovell of CNBC just dropped it. It's time for the Cris Collinsworth era to begin. [NBCSports]...
Enjoy A Free Veggie Burger With John Salley
Former NBA player John Salley is giving out free veggie burgers today at Chicago's Soul Vegetarian East restaurant, although I called over there and no one seems to know anything about it. [The PETA Files]...
Florida High School Pitcher Loves No-Hitters, Beef O'Brady's
Either Patrick Schuster is really good, or the high school teams in the Tampa-St. Pete area totally suck. At any rate, the Mitchell High hurler now has three consecutive no-hitters....
Reed Johnson Does Not Believe In Goat Stories
Even though another goat was found hanging from the arm of Harry Caray, right fielder Reed Johnson still manages to make the ladies swoon with his wall-climbing abilities. [Total Sports]...
Don't Call It A Comeback...No Really, Don't
John Daly quit drinking (again) and got lapband surgery. All that you know is at an end. Did I mention he's at Augusta, selling his worldly possessions out of an RV? Of course he is....
Your Team Is A Fan Of Being On Probation
Please don't take any "What cast member of 'Saved By The Bell' is your 4-star basketball recruit?" quizzes on Facebook, unless you want your program to get slapped with an NCAA violation for being dumb....
Nothing Says Quality Like John Daly Merchandise Purchased From A Bus
John Daly may not be allowed to play in The Masters, but that doesn't mean he can't still profit. May he interest you in some slacks?...
Tank Johnson Is Obviously Confident That He's A Changed Man
The former Bear/Cowboy/convict has just signed a one year deal with...the Cincinnati Bengals. [ESPN]...
OK You Pissants, Make Way For Randy Johnson
There's been little wailing and no gnashing of teeth in the Bay Area over Tim Lincecum's underwhelming '09 debut on Tuesday. That's because A. The Giants won, and B. Their headliner is actually starting tonight....
I'm Beginning To Suspect That Canadians Drink Too Much Beer
If you were wondering why the Blue Jays drew only 16,790 against the Tigers on Tuesday, this may have something to do with it: The Rogers Centre banned alcohol for that game....
John Calipari Continues His Dismantling Of Memphis
It was bad enough when John Calipari's daughter decided to follow her dad to the University of Kentucky, but it looks like Memphis isn't going to get to keep any of his players either....
Jack Elway Will Never Be Like You, Dad!
He had the genes, the Aryan good looks, and the resources to become a top-flight college quarterback. If only someone had checked to see if John Elway's son ever cared about football in the first place....
Johan Santana Has A Very Good Memory
Sorry to get all "Meet the Mets" on you today, but I noticed something bizarre during today's pregame that must be discussed—Johan Santana apparently has an individual handshake ritual for every player on his team....
The Calipari Daughters Should Probably Get Off Of Facebook Immediately
Although the piles of money and ego-stroking are enormous when you join a big-time program like the University of Kentucky, there are downsides. You know, like a burgeoning online interest in your young daughters....
Red Sox Owner John Henry Doing What Old, Rich Men Do — Marrying A 30-Year-Old Lass
John Henry's status as one of the architects of the Red Sox revival period has paid off handsomely for his wallet and his love life, as he's set to wed 30-year-old Linda Pizzuti....
John McCain To Save Jack Johnson's Honor
Former heavyweight champion Jack Johnson spent a year in jail for having sex with a white woman—who was also his wife—but a pardon sixty years after his death should make up for all that....
Look At That: John Calipari Is At Kentucky
John Calipari is the new coach of the Kentucky Wildcats and he's going right to work. Step One: Managing expectations....
All Your Hopes And Fears Will Be Revealed Once You Open ... "The Door"
The Door is blowing up! It has devotees, worshipers, even its own Facebook fan group. The vigil continues....
Calipari Watch, Day 2: Pretty Blonde Reporter Is Latest Victim Of The Madness
A Deadpsin operative checked into "Door Watch '09" last night to find that the Memphis Athletic Department had been replaced by an adorable blonde reporter. You can imagine how the comment horde dealt with that....