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HUGH 3: Return Of The King (Part 1)
Just a little tip when you're submitting your bits of brilliance to The Hugh Johnson on AOL Instant Messenger: Phallic references will almost always get you to the front of the line. Rips on Andre Ware and Pam Ward are always welcomed. Hey, whatever you're selling, we're buying. But now it's time to...

Aye Carumba! Chad Johnson Changes Last Name To Ocho Cinco
So Bengals wideout Chad Johnson has legally changed his name to "Chad Javon Ocho Cinco." Which I guess is only slightly better than "Chad Javon GoldenPalace.com." Chad expects to play in the Bengals' season opener, despite suffering a dislocated shoulder in the preseason and creating more needlework...


LenDale White Thinks Ohio State Sucks
Fortunately for White, unlike former USC teammate Carson Palmer—who told an LA radio station he hated Ohio State and their fans and then was forced to issue an apology— he plays in Tennessee. Which means he could probably run for Governor and be elected on the "Ohio State Sucks" platform. So don't ...

So Which ESPN Worker Bee Is Going To Interview McCain?
According to the WWL, they're still trying to figure out a date to lock something down with the "presumptive" (fun word) Republican party nominee. But it's going to happen. It has to. For equal time. Remember? That was part of the reason Bill Simmons couldn't interview Obama on his podcast and what ...

College Football Previews: #3 Ohio State
Today's preview is brought to us by Matt from Buckeye Commentary. We're just two days away from kickoff. Is your blood not pounding at the thought of Oregon State-Stanford? STRENGTHS Stiff-arm delivering running back? Check. Best cover corner in college football? Check. Sick linebackers and the nat...

Barack Obama and John McCain On Front Page of Orlando-Sentinel Football Preview
On Friday, that is. So all of you who have print media subscriptions in Orlando can kick the underside of your desks in anger that I've ruined your suspense. The two candidates are pictured holding footballs with the American flag on them. It's really tasteful. It's almost like Florida's an importa...

Raise A Glass Tonight For John Challis
John Challis, the Freedom High School student whose story we have followed here through an excellent series of articles in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, succumbed to liver and lung cancer on Tuesday at his family's home in Freedom Township, PA, at the age of 18. John first made headlines earlier this...

Michael Phelps Getting Him Some Lindsay Lohan (OMG, LOL)
When it comes to Michael Phelps, Lindsay Lohan is apparently willing to postpone this whole lesbian thing. While interviewing Michael's mom Debbie on Monday, Hobbit-like Access Hollywood correspondent Billy Bush received a text message from Lohan, which he proceeded to show Debbie while on the air. ...

Outstanding Acheivers In Beijing Not Named Michael Phelps
• I really can't stand to watch gymnastics more than once every four years. It's agonizing. There's such a clear disadvantage in starting some routines first, as Shawn Johnson did in the floor exercise, only to be overtaken by Romania's Sandra Izbasa, who went last. It was Johnson's third silver me...

Ohio University Lineman Wins $250k in Lottery
Mike Eynon, a 6'3 305 pound senior lineman, walked into a BP just off campus and emerged with a winning ticket. As befits life as an indentured servant to the NCAA, one of his first telephone calls was to the campus compliance officer to ensure that winning the award didn't violate NCAA rules. He go...

The PGA Championship Is Off and Running
The first players are finishing their rounds at Oakland Hills Country Club outside of Detroit. Somewhere on his island kingdom in Florida Tiger Woods is not even bothering to watch. Meanwhile golf fans who are stuck at their desks would do anything to be able to skip out of work and listen to the d...

Elected Officials in Ohio Have Spent $400k on Buckeyes Tickets
What's more, they're allowed to buy the season tickets with campaign contributions. Wow. I know that many states allow elected officials to purchase seats to the games but I think most of them require them to use their own money. Or at least they should. The Chronicle of Higher Education has the de...

Pro Football Hall of Fame Game Live Blog
All right, football zealots. Finally, a televised NFL game (for lack of a better word). It's the Indianapolis Colts and the Washington Redskins. John Madden has been dipped in bronze gravy for this joyous occasion, and Al Michaels will be sitting on his knee. Before you follow along after the J-M-P,...

Wow! Top Basketball Recruit's Mom Overcame 190,000-1 Odds to Receive a Call From FedEx's CEO
And FedEx's CEO just happens to be a huge Memphis basketball booster—having donated at least $500k to Memphis athletics. What a happy coincidence! Man, it's amazing how these things work out. This is so shocking. Because prior to this instance Memphis head coach John Calipari has had such a squeaky...

Eric Montross is Paying Hush Money For John Edwards's Love Child?
Once a Tar Heel always a Tar Heel, I guess. Politics and sports make strange bedfellows. The John Edwards love-child affair hasn't really crossed over into the mainstream media because, honestly, I have no idea why it hasn't. Probably because most of the people who would be reporting on the matter ...

ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Week
ESPN scours its message boards daily to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comments, and chooses ones like this above all others ... • "What a joke of a race, I should have stayed home. All it was, was a 10-lap shoot-out. — jeanneoz_terryPrevious ESPN Featured Comment of the Week, plus a...

John Daly: Corrupting America's Youth Since 1985
We all have those stories about the first time we got drunk. Most of the time they're amusing and revelatory, told with a big fish-style exaggeration that gets exponentially larger throughout the years. Or, if you're an alcoholic, probably less. The first time I got smashed it was the night before t...

LeBron Raymone James Donates $20k to Barack Obama's Presidential Campaign
Actually to a committee dedicated to electing Obama since personal contributions are capped at $2,300 per election. Early in his career as pitchman for the Gods, Michael Jordan remarked, "Republicans buy sneakers too," when Harvey Gantt's senate campaign requested he donate money. Gantt was then em...

Introducing Deadspin Nation's Oleo Hero Of The Week
In some countries, ridiculous and unseemly behavior is punishable by deportation, imprisonment or even death. But in Deadspin Nation, one is simply singled out for ridicule ... then deported, imprisoned or killed. And since this is a democracy, our citizens get to choose. Each Friday, "Deadspin Nati...