Olympics Page 65 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Beijing Olympics Will Be Scary Safe. But Safe. Or Scary.
The Chinese are pulling out all the stops to ensure that the impending Summer Olympics are free of one of those embarrassing international incidents that countries tend to try to avoid. Chief on their list, evening before reducing that pesky pollution problem that will probably kill all the athletes...
Shaun White's Dopey, Training-Wheels Arrest
We enjoyed the ascension of snowboarder — or whatever it is that he does — Shaun White to American hero after the 2006 Olympics. It seemed like a teenage doof being promoted to sports superstar. We were really just counting the days until a weed arrest....
England Will Be Awesome In Unknown Sports
As you sit there comfortably in the basement of your ivory tower, sipping your Red Bull and text messaging your co-workers, our nation's dominance — okay, reallygoodness — is being threatened by the very country who created us and taxed us without representation....
One Year Until The Olympics Begin
The Olympics are starting a year from today. That's gonna be here real fast; heck, before you know it, China will have finally conquered the weather....
China Will Not Make It Rain
This had been rumored for a while, but it appears the Chinese government is really going through with this: They're really going to try to control the weather during next year's Olympics using rockets....
Where's Barry Manilow When You Really Need Him?
Attention all aspiring songwriters: Spain needs lyrics for its National Anthem. This is especially important considering the Summer Olympics are coming up, and Spanish athletes want to sing, sing, sing! Their fans are tired of sitting there mute during the medal ceremony as the Swiss are belting out...
London 2012's Lego Mashup
The folks in charge of the 2012 Summer Olympics in London released their logo yesterday and it's ... uh ... a major Tetris disaster? A sketch Picasso made on a bar napkin while drunk? No one seems quite sure....
China Is Totally On Top Of All Olympic Matters
The nagging issues that keep popping up as we approach the 2008 Olympics in Beijing have many observers concerned, though it seems like everyone always worries about whether the Olympic host city will be ready, and it seems to turn out just fine. But there does seem to be a major issue in China: The...
The U.S. Olympic Committee Wonders If You Can Spare Anything
When we think of charitable organizations that desperately need our support, we will confess that the United States Olympic Committee doesn't immediately come to mind, considering we think we remember seeing an ad for the official overnight shipping company of the U.S. Olympic Team. So we can't imag...
Cultural Oddsmaker: What will the Beijing Olympic Committee Suggest Banning Next?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think....
Chicago Vs. Los Angeles, The DEATH MATCH
Tomorrow, the U.S. Olympic Committee will announce which city will be its nominee to host the 2016 Olympics. Right now, there are two favorites: Los Angeles and Chicago. Because the world, you know, hates America and all that, whoever turns out to be the U.S. nominee is not expected to be the favori...
Joe Buck, The Billboard With A Heart
So here's an inventive idea, straight from our Jack Bauer-torturing friends in China: Rather than slapping corporate logos on the players, just slap 'em on the announcers....
But When You Get Down To It, Does Michael Irvin Make Any More Sense?
Only a little more than a year to go before the 2008 Summer Olympics, which should just give the Chinese government enough time to run Beijing through spell check....
Wikipedia Already Has An Entry For The 2020 Olympics
There are two kinds of people I like to think I'm superior to even though I'm clearly not: Wikipedia writers and male gymnasts. With the former group it's because they're doing for free what I do for money, and with the latter it's because they wear tights. But then I read Wikipedia and see how good...
Kids And Darts! What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
And so finally, we have the concept for the next Johnny Knoxville movie. The British Darts Organisation is campaigning for their sport to be included in the 2012 London Olympics; and to that end, they've opened the Darts School of Excellence in London. It's for for kids ages 7 to 18, as England atte...
Mark Cuban Explains It All
Why can't the U.S. basketball team seem to win in international competition anymore? Leave it to Mark Cuban to unravel this mystery. It may shock you to learn that Cuban lays the blame directly on those damn pyramid-shaped lanes. Oh, and the international ball. And the way the referees are dressed. ...
Urine Taints Marion Jones' EPO Sample
The Washington Post is reporting that Marion Jones failed a drug test at the U.S. nationals earlier this year. The test turned up a little erythropoietin, or EPO, as the cool kids call it. If her 'B' sample turns up the same thing, she's looking at a two-year ban. I'll give you a few minutes to reco...
Does Anyone Want The 2016 Games?
We can't say we're all that disappointed, considering we are current residents, that New York City has abandoned its quixotic attempt to host an Olympic Games. After its 2012 bid fell flat on its bagel, the city is sitting out the next round; it is not among the three U.S. cities applying for the 20...
Curling The Way It Was Meant To Be Played: With Puppies
We heard you all during the Winter Olympics, making fun of the proud, storied sport of curling. It's been more than a week, and still you mock it. Yeah, us too. But now, curling has its revenge. Ever since finding this yesterday, we have done practically no work. Yes, it's Puppy Curling. Go on, tr...