on Page 6454 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Rockies Fans Need To Bust Out
Every single person who chooses to disrobe at a sporting event in front of thousands of people is usually grinning from ear-to-ear, hypnotized by a state of joyfulness they've lost while suffering through the daily malaise of being fully-clothed....
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
ESPN Upgrades Its Spelling Bee Coverage
Hate to ruin your day, but Mike & Mike are out as hosts of the Scripps National Spelling Bee coverage on ESPN and ABC in May. Taking their place will be the perky Tom Bergeron — whose work on America's Funniest Home Videos was once again overlooked by the Nobel Committee — and a very special sideli...
Those Cubbies, They're Out Of Control
Our fear of a Cubs World Series title this year are well documented, and they're not doing much to assuage those fears right now: They've won five in a row and opened up a game-and-a-half lead over our Cardinals despite a creeping fear that this is as good as St. Louis is going to get this year....
Barry Zito Rules The Kingdom Of Fail
Barry Zito and the Giants; has there been a worse investment, ever? That SUV you bought in 2006, perhaps? The first 12 episodes of John From Cincinnati? You've got to hand it to him though; even after struggling through his suckiest performance of the season on Tuesday, he faced reporters afterward...
Game Sevens Beyond Thunderdome
The NHL Closer is written by the five degenerates over at Melt Your Face Off, who attempt to reconcile their deviant behavior by invoking Sykes & Matza's Neutralization Theory and participating in the recreational pursuits of latch-hooking and bad MS Paint projects....
Youth Prevails! (Except In San Antonio)
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who spent most of last night scribbling CP3-4-Me all over his Trapper Keeper. When he's not man-loving on Chris Paul, he can be found practicing his Duncan face at Basketbawful. Enjoy! The doctor is most definitely in. Chris Paul may not have graduated from...
About Last Night
What you missed while nervously checking your pants every 10 minutes ... • NBA: The Spurs always seem to show up for the playoffs, eh? San Antonio 102, Phoenix 96. • NFL: Shaun is long gone. Sad, really. • MLB: Abreu's power surge supports Yankees' undefeated Wang. Or something like that....
You're No Yngwie Malmsteen, Banana Hands
Don't you go Hollywood, Jake....
Cuban's Sanity Is In Peril, And Hey: Suns-Spurs Again!
As tends to be the case in these NBA playoffs, the Eastern Conference game tonight, between the Raptors and the Magic, is so skipable to sports fans that it might as well be a hockey game. (Sorry!) The Western Conference drama is engulfing it all....
ESPN Insists You Watch Them Torture Miguel Tejada
Tonight at 7 p.m. ET, ESPN's E:60 unleashes its orchestrated ambush of Miguel Tejada in all of its uncomfortable, Schapp'd-up glory. They couldn't sit on the story long enough because, well, a 33-year-old man posing as a 31-year-old is something that needs to be revealed as soon as possible so that...
The Countdown To A Recitation Of Names You Don't Know Begins Now
As we've made clear before, we have a hard time firing ourselves up for the NFL Draft. It's the type of weird madhouse obsession with young men who are just trying to figure themselves out that ends up leading to situations like the one with Kevin Hart. It's a big list of names of people you don't k...
Four Out Of Five Dentists Think Joe Girardi Is Nuts
Further proof that Joe Girardi is the Frank Burns of AL managers; he has forbidden the Yankees to eat candy or gum. Yes, that should turn the tide. New York would have four or five more World Series trophies if not for the evil of Skittles. Girardi is being really strict about this....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while preparing for the NFL Draft ... • NBA: Western Conference quarterfinals, Game 2, Dallas at New Orleans (7 p.m., ET), Western Conference quarterfinals, Game 2, Phoenix at San Antonio (9:30 p.m., ET). The Southwest Shall Rule Again. [TNT] • NHL: Western Conference quarterfinals, Ga...
Sing A Song, America, And Please Look Silly Doing So
Of all the legacies that Harry Caray left us — Horry Kow, folks! HORRY KOW! — the most lasting will almost certainly be the warblings of "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" that have infiltrated not only Wrigley Field, but all our nation's stadiums. Well, now Major League Baseball is getting in on the "ac...
The Cubs Are Enjoying Their Solid Start
The Chicago Cubs have the second best record in baseball, are a half game up in first place in the National League Central and already are starting to gather those "they're gonna do it this time" mumbles around baseball. (How cute!) But allowing them to hang out in the dugout with Sports Illustrate...
Inglorious Bastardization
The Sports Illustrated cover line writers are big fans of glorious returns, obviously. But what makes these particular returns that much more glorious than others? This is the question posed by Deadspin reader Chris Corley, who asks who will be the next Return To Glory....