on Page 6574 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Time For Another Dee Mirich Poetry Jam
Of course we've all known for some time that Barbaro and God are pals. When the valiant racehorse went to his great reward in early 2007, we were told that God himself was waiting for him in Heaven with with a basket of delicious apples. But we never saw the big picture; it's more than that. Barbaro...
Politician On A Mission To Rid Toledo Of Any And All Peckers
So, big sports news here in Toledo. After the minor league hockey team went on hiatus, they're returning soon, along with an arena football team, in a brand new sports arena. And here's where you start caring, because the new football team might be called the Toledo Peckerheads....
Work For The Knicks, In The Worst Capacity Imaginable
You know what would be a great job? Being the guy who has to clean up all of Isiah Thomas' messes, and then try to explain them away to a growling, surly New York media. That's exactly what we told our mom we wanted to be when we grew up....
An Illustrated History Of Roger Clemens' Boorishness
Those Congressional hearings are going on today, but we have a sneaking suspicion that none of you care about them — frankly, we don't either — so we're gonna focus on the type of discourse we enjoy considerably more: Pure, unadulterated hatred of Roger Clemens....
OSU Ready To Do It Again
• All the Buckeyes are coming back so they can lose in the title game again next year. [Kid Cleveland] • Seriously, last weekend's NFL playoff action was really bizarre. [Rumors And Rants] • Roy Williams was a quote machine this year. [The Angry T] • There are some college hoops teams who are better...
Note To Self: Don't Kiss Any Dudes In Louisville
This photo is not a snapshot of two inspired basketball players, in the midst of battle, celebrating a victory hard-earned. Nope. This photo is trying to make you gay....
All Mascots Need Teardrop Tattoos
We have long felt that our nationwide mascot menace has proven, ultimately, not quite menacing enough for our tastes. Fortunately, some students at Colorado are fixing that....
Prepare Thyself For ... Pac Man Jones Strip Club News
OK, now we hope you are sitting down. Take a drink of water. Relax. Deep breaths. OK. Are you ready? Are you really ready? Because you're gonna need some time to digest this one: Pac Man Jones is in trouble with the law again....
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its wittiest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
Glen Rice Is Concerned With His Estranged Wife's System For Utilizing Closet Space
We haven't caught up with former NBA All-Star Glen Rice for a while. What's he up to? Playin' some golf? Sellin' some cars? Well, no. He's walking into his estranged wife's home and finding a guy hiding in the closet. Uh-oh....
Little People Wrestling At Northwestern
The video above is an advertisement for Half Print Brawlers, which advertises that "midgets bleed for your enjoyment." Well, we suppose that's truth in advertising....
The Stars Come Out For The Australian Open
For the majority of her yearly tournament appearances, 17-year-old Austrian tennis star Tamira Paszek manages to keep the twins indoors, as they say. (OK, no one says that but me). But when the Australian Open rolls around, things change. She's out there, Jerry! And she's lovin' every minute of it...
Respect the Conk! Tame the Puck!
The NHL Closer is written by Greg Wyshynski, of The FanHouse and The Fourth Period. He is also the author of Glow Pucks And 10-Cent Beer. Enjoy....
Ask Jeeves, The Butler Did It
The NBA Closer is written by our Canadian weekend maestro J.E. Skeets. When he's not busy scouring the box scores or shuffling around in his revolutionary sleeping bag, he can be heard on The Basketball Jones daily podcast....
About Last Night
What you missed while talking like Jack Bauer ... • College basketball: Despite missing injured starters Levance Fields, Mike Cook, Ladainian Tomlinson and Philip Rivers, No. 15 Pitt still beats No. 5 Georgetown, 69-60. • NBA: Kobe scores 48, not counting Alaska and Hawaii, as Lakers beat SuperSonic...
Setting The Table For Two More Rather Important Games Of Foot-Ball
We'd actually forgotten about this, but now that both teams are meeting again in the AFC Championship Game, it's worth reminding everybody about: LaDainian Tomlinson totally hates the Patriots....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you maneuver Tank Chair into viewing position to watch ANYTHING YOU DAMN WELL PLEASE ... • College basketball: Georgetown at Pittsburgh (7 p.m., ET); Oklahoma at Kansas (9 p.m., ET); Gonzaga at Pepperdine (midnight, ET). Screw sleep; let's watch Pepperdine! [ESPN] • NHL: New York Ra...
The Epic Tale Of Borders Porn Purchasing
Apparently, that issue of Penthouse we told you about last week has hit newsstands. We haven't seen it yet, but it's at least at Borders. But be careful, if you head out to purchase it....