on Page 6698 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Congratulations, Chicago Prepubescent Bears
What happens when Lou Piniella has nothing else to yell about? Does he grumble that the champagne isn't Korbel? If it is Korbel, does he kvetch that it's not another brand name bubbly? Does he still find some way to throw his hat and choke a child? We may never know the answer, because we're too laz...
What You Can Tell Your TV To Display Today
• Already in Progress — Golf: Presidents Cup, Day 3 [NBC] • 12 noon — NCAA Football: Notre Dame at Purdue [ESPN] • 12 noon — NCAA Football: LSU at Tulane [ESPN2] • 12 noon — Movie: Any Given Sunday [FX] • 12:30 p.m. — NCAA Football: Baylor at Texas A&M [VS] • 1:00 p.m. — Movie: Major League [TV Land...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while scrolling up classic cinemas... • NCAA Football: South Wang upsets West Middlefinger 21-13. • Preseason NHL: Canucks edge Flames 3-2, powered by Curtis Sanford's 40 saves, ya big dummy. • Women's Olympic Basketball: US 85, Canada 37. But in metric points, Canada only lost by si...
The Best Place To Enjoy The NL's Big Weekend? Buffalo!
• That ESPN Town Hall Meeting did not go well. • Weed! • This is not a good way to impress Jim Tressel. • Nobody is better at Photoshop than Russian topless dancers. • Brett Favre, champion of jorts. • The Isiah Thomas Case is almost over. Sad. • Erin Andrews is a diligent interviewer. • "Rememberin...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as police try to unravel the baffling case of The Unknown Streaker ... • MLB: San Diego at Milwaukee. This one can pretty much decide two races, right? [ESPN] • College football: West Virginia at South Florida. Go, WFV! [ESPN2] • Golf: PGA Tour, Viking Classic, second round, Madison, M...
Your National League Clusterphooey
All due respect to the playoffs next week, but we can't fathom a much more exciting turkeyshoot than the National League this weekend. We're three days away from the end of the season, and not a single team has clinched, with seven still in the chase. It's insane....
Kiheimahanaomauiakeo Kiheimahanaomauiakeo
This young man is Bronson Sardinha, a September callup by the Yankees and a native of Hawaii. You can tell he's from Hawaii, because he has the strangest middle name we've ever heard from a Major League Baseball player....
Show 'Em Your O-Face, Brian
We hope you're excited, Bears fans; as The Sports Hernia points out, You now have Bill Lumbergh as your starting quarterback. Yeah ... we're gonna go ahead and have you play on New Years Eve this year, Rex ......
It's An Exciting Time In The World Of Sports-Themed Beverages
As detailed yesterday, carbonated beverage lovers were overjoyed to see Jones Soda roll out five new exciting flavors based on the Seattle Seahawks, all based on things found in Holmgren's mustache. The flavors: Natural Field Turf Soda (featuring Josh Brown), Sports Cream Soda (featuring Matt Hassel...
Who Will Be The Next Athlete To Have A Kinky Sex Fetish Revealed?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think....
We're Sorry For Your Loss. Your Mother Was A Terribly Attractive Woman.
Four minutes, forty-eight seconds. We're all dead. Burned to a crisp....
Our (Brief) Interview With Gilbert Arenas
Yesterday, on invitation from the fine folks at EA Sports, we talked to Wizards zuperstar Gilbert Arenas at the NBA Store in Manhattan for exactly seven minutes and 16 seconds. Here's a complete, exact transcript of the interview, which was almost entirely about his blog. We didn't take a picture, b...
Clubbing, Seals And One's Self
• Soccer has some weird suspensions. [The Beautiful Game] • Vince Young, still upset about that Heisman thing. [Rumors And Rants] • Sorry, no Cy Young now, Mr. Beckett. [Vegas Watch] • Lou Holtz is on FIRE this year. [FanIQ] • What's the best and worst conferences? Anybody know yet? [Musings From Th...
Penn State Will Sue Your Elementary School Back To The Stone Age
Hold on there, Conway Elementary School seventh-grade flag football team. Not another step. Your logo is infringing on the intellectual property rights of Penn State University, and must be removed from all t-shirts, school binders and backpacks. Here are a team of copyright lawyers to make sure you...
Your NHL Eastern Conference Preview
As you know, we make no pretense at being experts in the world of hockey. (Or anything, really.) Because the season is starting, like, this weekend, we've asked Eric McErlain, of Off Wing Opinion, to preview the upcoming season for us. We don't know anyone who knows hockey better than he does, so h...
Ookie Is No Dummy
Ladies and gentlepeople, we have finally figured out what we will do if we are ever convicted of a felony, other than "try to grow a mustache and move to Turks and Caicos." We're gonna make sure we smoke as much weed as possible, and then get caught....