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Wayne Rooney Scored A Pretty Decent Goal Today
England traveled to Brazil today for an international friendly, and they for the most part got absolutely manhandled by the home side. Brazil had over 60% of the possession and took an obscene 32 shots to England's 11. It was a clinic start to finish. But Brazil didn't win. Actually, they almost los...

Nathan Fielder's Newest Text-Message Prank Is A Relationship-Killer
We've covered the text-message-based exploits of Nathan Fielder here before when he told followers to text their parents about drugs. This time the prank is a whole lot more personal and it has a huge cliffhanger element. ...

Here's The New Shaq Soda We've All Been Waiting For
So Shaquille O'Neal tweeted today that he partnered with AriZona Beverage Company to release a soda line. After countless hours of grunt work and delibration peppered by brief, magical moments of marketing genius, Shaq's new soda will be called Soda Shaq....
![Maurice Jones-Drew Allegedly Punched Out A Bar Staffer [UPDATED]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18p380y635gw8jpg.jpg)
Maurice Jones-Drew Allegedly Punched Out A Bar Staffer [UPDATED]
Jacksonville Jaguars running back and back-to-UCLA student Maurice Jones-Drew has been charged with battery after he allegedly punched and knocked out a bar staffer over the weekend at a beach bar in St. Augustine, Fla., according to police....

The Pacers' Paul George Has Gradually Exploded All At Once
After two games in Miami, it's no longer assured that the Heat — reigning champs, winners of 27 straight in the regular season, top seed in the Eastern Conference, proud owners of fans like these — are going to dispatch the Indiana Pacers quickly, or for that matter, at all. The series is tied at a ...

Today's Indy Lights Race Featured An Insanely Close Finish
This is the final lap of today's Firestone Freedom 100 on the Indy Lights racing circuit. It ended with a four-wide finish that was by far the closest in the history of the Indianapolis Motor Speedway....

An Astros Vendor Pooped Next To His Snow Cones
Astros fans: do not eat the yellow snow cones. They are not lemon. (The browns aren't chocolate either.)...

Bomani Jones Kind Of Makes Sense Of This Sergio-Fried-Chicken Thing
I mean, it is delicious. ...

Sorry, Wrong Number
I woke up this morning, turned on my phone and checked last night's scores. I do this most every day and am reminded of how I used to get in trouble as a kid for calling up 976-1313, the sports phone line in New York. I'd sneak it whenever I could because up-to-the-minute scores were hard to come by...

Get Lost, Norman
From Bob Klapisch and John Harper's entertaining book about covering the Mets in the early '90s, The Worst Team Money Could Buy:...

The Charlotte NBA Team Might Rather Be The Hornets Again
During its short 25 years in the NBA, the Hornets moniker has proven to be the league's Johnny Cash — it's been everywhere, man. Born in Charlotte, transplanted to New Orleans in 2001, bivouacked in Oklahoma City for two post-Katrina seasons, back to New Orleans for the past six seasons, then banish...

Tyron Smith Is Related To A Bunch Of Awful People Who Want His Money
You're Tyron Smith. You're drafted ninth overall, the first offensive lineman taken in 2011. You sign a rookie contract for $12.5 million. All you have to worry about is your family trying to bleed you dry....

The Stoke City Prank War Has Gotten Out Of Control
Solidly mid-table, Stoke City haven't had anything to play for in a while. They've been pranking each other all week in the lead-up to their final match, including egging Michael Owen's Mercedes. But someone went a little too far....

Life Saver
Over at Sports on Earth, Peter Richmond writes about how Chuck Muncie saved his life:...

Here's What You Would See If A Grizzly Bear Was Eating Your Face
Biologist Brad Josephs recently planted a GoPro camera out in the Alaskan wilderness, hoping to capture some up-close footage of bears for a BBC nature show. He ended up getting much more than he bargained for. ...

Jeremy Affeldt Returned $500,000 The Giants Paid Him By Mistake
Jeremy Affeldt admits it: In 2010, he literally was an overpaid relief pitcher for the San Francisco Giants....

How North Dakota Lost Its Mind Over A "Choke Job"
On Feb. 16, the Northern Arizona basketball team rallied to beat North Dakota in overtime, 74-72. In a postgame interview with North Dakota head coach Brian Jones, the team's radio guy, Paul Ralston, a university employee, called the loss a "choke job." What ensued was the most pitiful college sport...

The Hater's Guide To Other Parents
I am not the greatest parent in the world. In fact, I wrote an entire book coming out today that indisputably proves that statement. I have been arrested. I have yelled at my children. I have experimented with odd forms of corporal punishment. And I have conspired with my children to commit petty mi...

<em>Mike & Molly</em>, NBA Style: Part 1
You may have noticed that many of your favorite sports media platforms like to express ideas about the NBA through the prism of popular culture. Here's Grantland applying Game of Thrones plotlines to the NBA in a two-part series. Here's Sports On Earth turning players from the year's playoffs into a...

Man Dribbling Soccer Ball From Seattle To Brazil Gets Hit By Car, Dies
Richard Swanson, 42, planned to dribble a soccer ball from Seattle, Washington to Brazil. He started two weeks ago, on May 1, and was headed to Sao Paulo in time for the 2014 World Cup. Today, he was hit by a pickup truck while walking south on US Highway 101, in Lincoln City, Oregon. Swanson was de...