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Zurich Soccer Fans Are Enthralled By Gene Simmons's Tongue
Your morning roundup for Feb. 10, the day we regretted the harm our actions have caused our family, our staff, and our constituents....

Real American Fans Shut Out Of Real American Event Do Real American Thing And Sue
Somehow two silly displaced Super Bowl ticketholders and their eager lawyers managed to devise a lawsuit just as profoundly stupid as Dan Snyder's. They're seeking more than $5 million from the NFL, the Cowboys, and Jerry Jones personally. Why?...

The Man In The Orange Suit Could Not Believe His Eyes
Your morning roundup for Feb. 9, the day we realized we'd developed a dangerous addiction to Hint Of Lime Tostito chips....

The Chicago Snow Dong Seemingly Inspired A National Art Contest
It didn't take very long after the Chicago snow-dong-on-car was posted for several like-minded nature sculptors to send visual evidence of competing artwork. They came from the east. They came from the southwest. And they came from the midwest. ...

Man Arrested For Allegedly Inserting Porn Clip Into 2009 Super Bowl Broadcast
Citing Comcast's "significant economic losses" and the fact that many children were subjected to 37 naughty seconds of pornography during Super Bowl XLIII, federal and state officials announced the arrest of a 38-year-old Marana, Ariz. man last night....

Here's Video Of Last Night's One-Punch NHL Goalie Fight
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Deadspin's Second Annual Super Bowl Week Bounty Hunt: A New Day
Last year, we relied on readers who traveled to Miami to play citizen paparazzi dogs for us. Those unlucky bastards trapped in Dallas this week should beware: We're doing it again, and this time we've singled out two media personalities....

The Confessions Of A Former Adolescent Puck Tease
In 1999, Katie Baker was a thoroughly self-possessed, hockey-loving 18-year-old headed for Harvard. Or so the older men she met online — and offline — believed....

Some Chick From <em>The Bachelor</em> Says Carlos Boozer Cheated On His Wife With Her
I know what you're thinking. An NBA player cheating on his wife? A reality TV "star" selling her story to a tabloid magazine? Hard to believe, I know. But it's true! Allegedly....

Lionel Messi Shouldn't Have Wished His Mami A Happy Birthday
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Kansas State Basketball Doesn't Bother Spelling Freshman's Name Rigth
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

The Novitzky Scalps
Barry Bonds: Charged with four counts of perjury and one count of obstruction of justice for telling a federal grand jury he never knowingly used steroids. The substance he's accused of taking, The Clear, was neither illegal nor specifically banned by baseball at the time of his testimony. Trial is ...

There Are Photos For Sale Of Tennis Pros Getting A Lap Dance, Menstruating
Back into the shit-pit we dive. An enterprising amateur photographer asks if we'd like to spend our scuzz-money on some awful photos of two professional tennis players. Vamanos....

As If Lawnmower Races Weren't Thrilling Enough
Lawnmower racing may or may not be the national sport of New Zealand; we're not clear on our Kiwi stereotypes. But we do know this: any mower race that ends in fisticuffs is automatically the best mower race of all time....

Laurence Maroney's Mug Shot Is Just Excellent
Maroney was busted last night on possession of marijuana, and having a concealed weapon that you're not allowed to have while stoned. Here's how he looked. [Riverfront Times]...

Be Joe Buck's Sidekick At The Super Bowl
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.(PHOTO:)...

Wayne Rooney's Brother Drafted By Red Bulls, Seemingly Mocked By Associated Press Photographer
This is a photograph of Wayne Rooney's 20-year-old brother, John. He was drafted by the New York Red Bulls in Round 2 of the MLS SuperDraft. This is the caption for the photograph, taken by J. Pat Carter of the Associated Press:...

David Brooks Recalls That Time When Athletes Weren't Impressed With Themselves, Which Was Never
"Joe DiMaggio didn't ostentatiously admire his own home runs, but now athletes routinely celebrate themselves as part of the self-branding process," writes Upmarket Jeff Foxworthy, who, in addressing the Tucson shootings, trains his surveyor symbols on our national immodesty. Any thoughts, Babe?...

Police Called To Bill Simmons's Home For Burglary Only To Find Mighty Mighty Bosstone In Socks
If not for a podcast of four lesser-known comedians, the world probably would have never heard about the absurd Keystone Coppery that went down during a recent football Sunday at the Sports Guy's manse. Follow along with the audio, courtesy Megaboom....

Goal Of The Year Wasn't The Year's Best Goal (Among Other FIFA Ballon d'Or Oversights)
This post, written by Richard Anderson, is republished with permission from The Spoiler. Go there often if you like soccer stuff....