ow Page 1028 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bartolo Colon "Found," Still Mourning Michael Jackson
There's no visual evidence of Bartolo Colon's whereabouts—NASA is working on it—but the White Sox say he will pitch tonight. His "disappearance" was really just an aversion to phones and an inability to cope with MJ's passing....
Have You Seen This Fat Guy?
The White Sox seemed to have lost something. It's about six feet high, 250 pounds (roughly), and occasionally has trouble locating its curveball. Oh, and it's scheduled to start tonighttomorrow so if you've seen a Bartolo Colon anywhere, please call....
From The Desk Of Gary Belsky: Hygiene Edition
Gary Belsky is the EIC of ESPN The Magazine, which you probably know as the strange, unwieldy object wedged into your mailbox every other week. Sometimes, funny things happen at Gary's magazine, and employees tell us about them....
Oh, Jason, You've Really Gone And Done It Now...
Jason Whitlock wrote a face-slapper of a column about Serena Williams where he says things like this: "I am not fundamentally opposed to junk in the trunk, although my preference is a stuffed onion over an oozing pumpkin." Jezebels...ATTACK!...
Off The Wall, Indeed: Ron Artest Pays Tribute To Michael Jackson
"Michael, Michael, Michael, you my nigga. I know a thug would cry for you, my dude. Aint no R&B singer really ever makes me cry. Makes me wanna meet you, touch your hand. Ya know?" [YouTube]...
Breaking: Joe Morgan Tells The Truth!
America's baseball uncle was tellin' tales again last night — something about a long slump and a home run he hit off Nolan Ryan — and for once, his story is supported by those ever-pesky computer numbers. [MLB Insights]...
Bill Plaschke's Unhealthy Manny Obsession
Professional grumpypants Bill Plaschke really hates Manny Ramirez. In fact, the only thing he hates more than Manny is people who refuse to hate Manny as much as he does. Why can't they see what Bill Plaschke sees?...
And Now Let's Dive Into This Bizarre Steve McNair Situation
First it was a double homicide. Then it was murder-suicide. Now it's just tragic and sad. And TMZ has pictures of the doomed couple parasailing....
WNBA Star Busted Driving Under The Influence
The Mercury's Diana Taurasi was cited Thursday night in Phoenix, a few hours after her team's win over the Seattle Lone Professional Basketball Franchises....
Athletes Who Exercise Their Freedom By Hating On America
Hot dogs, apple pie, fireworks and anti-patriotism— it's the perfect excuse for a July 4 gallery. Now go celebrate America!...
The New York Mets Have A Furry Run-In On Road Trip
Those injury-riddled New York Bastard Mets have struggled recently, so this recent road trip could serve as a self-reflective haven for players, coaches, and media. Unless the Pittsburgh hotel they're staying in is having a furry convention....
Next Thing You Know, They'll Play La Marseillaise For Andy Roddick
Andy Murray is British, so naturally, he's the local favorite at Wimbledon. Hey, that would make for a sappy Rick Reilly video essay, complete with "Das Deutschlandlied," the British national anthem, as background music....
The Jay Mariotti Online Express Could Be Headed Back To Chicago
The Rumor: Jay Mariotti's death wish/dream to return to the Chicagoland newspaper universe is almost complete — he's finally heading to the Chicago Tribune. It's just unfortunate that neither he nor anyone at the paper will talk about it....
Terrell Owens and Joanna Krupa Rise From The Dead
ABC made a mistake when they somehow let the onlymost marketable face on their game show get booted off in the first week. Well, thanks to the magic of television that's all a distant memory!...
At Wimbledon, All The Living Cars Fall Faintly On The Dead
"We were told: 'Go and reverse between these gravestones.' I thought: 'This is very odd'. But we did it and went to Wimbledon." The £20 for parking in a cemetery is split between three charities. How wonderfully macabre. [Ananova]...
The Best Damn Sports Show Shuffles Off This Mortal Coil
Fox's "The Best Damn Sports Show Period" will hold its last show tonight after 8 years of wacky on-air sports-related hi-jinx and absurd athlete-celebrity couch pairings. Watch Charissa Thompson and Chris Rose get weepy....
Ozzie Guillen Not Helping North-South Side Relations
It's time for another round of every Chicago baseball fan's favorite game, "Guess The Deleted Expletive In Ozzie Guillen's Anti-Cubs Rant." Or for bonus fun, just make up a word and get an even better quote....
The Answer Is None. None More Black
Athletes want to be musicians. Maybe they're not getting enough groupies on their day job, but the urge for a player to also be a troubadour seems overwhelming. Oftentimes Every time, it's a failure (I'm looking at you, Deion)....