ow Page 1198 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch while waiting for Acme to deliver the latest gadget to catch the roadrunner ... • College FB: Cincinnati at Miami of Ohio. Why does the University of Miami have a branch in Ohio? Not sure. We don't even know why they have one in Florida. [ESPN2 • MLB: Yankees at Orioles. We kind of mis...
Baseball Owners (Get This) Might Be Untrustworthy
We're not saying that baseball owners who claim they're losing money are full of horse manure or anything, but a report in The New York Post says that Major League Baseball will not be offering MLB.com up as an IPO because owners don't want to open up their financial records to the public....
We're Exhausted, And The Playoffs Aren't Even Here Yet
Despite what The Smoking Gun has discovered Major League Baseball thinks about the American League East, we appear primed for a final five days of rather intense pre-playoff madness. The Yankees and Red Sox are still tied, the Indians are tied with them too and the White Sox are still toying aroun...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch between the drunken calls from Pat O'Brien and Bill O'Reilly ... • College FB: Toledo at Fresno State. A game too big for local TV, too boring for pay-per-view. [ESPN2] • MLB: The team-formerly-known-as-Anaheim can clinch against Oakland. [KCAL] • MLB: Rockies at Braves. Atlanta can al...
Why Your Hometown Columnist Sucks: Woody Paige
We hate to frontload this feature with such an apt subject — it's only our second one — and after Woody Paige there's really no place else to go, is there? After spending the last hour reading his old Denver Post columns, we're really kicking ourselves: We could have saved a lot of time and effort...
To Watch Tonight ...
What light through yonder window breaks? 'Tis Doritos, and this picante sauce is the sun ... • College FB: Tennessee at LSU. The only group of Volunteers who are not welcome in Louisiana. [ESPN2] • MNF: Chiefs at Broncos. If you have any idea what John Madden is talking about, please let us know. [A...
Paris Hilton And Ross Verba: Our Lucy And Ricky
We're not saying that Paris Hilton's already decumbent standards are getting somehow lower or anything, but one would think that when you're on the cover of Vanity Fair, you'd be able to party with a relatively high class of athlete. Nope: Hilton was out boobing it up in Las Vegas last weekend wit...
Fighting The Real Enemy: Fuchsia
From the Professors With Way Too Much Time On Their Hands Department: A professor at the University of Iowa has been receiving Internet threats after she claimed that the Iowa football team's propensity to color the locker room pink was sexist and homophobic. First off, we'd like to tell everyone ...
NFL Roundup: Kickers Soak Up All The Drama
• Like everyone else who is prone to breaking their spine whenever there's a stiff wind, we've always had an affinity for kickers. So when Cowboys bully tackle Larry Allen went after former XFL kicker Jose Cortez after he missed an extra point — to be fair, Cortez got a little lipp — we cringed th...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch as Rafael Palmeiro testifies that you gave him steroids ... • MLB: Red Sox at Orioles. Bronson Arroyo, you goofy looking wingnut — Boston needs you now more than ever. [NESN] • College FB: Iowa State at Army. If you don't watch this game, the terrorists have won. [ESPN2] • College FB: ...
Bill Simmons Brings It All Back Home
Well, we know why Our Boy Bill Simmons was sans column all week; he was saving it for his new NFL column, which clocks in at a frighteningly healthy 3,200 words. It's the usual Simmons fare; we get guest appearances by The Godfather, Andrew McCarthy and MTV's "Cribs."...
Do Not Spam Ozzie Guillen
In case you missed it from Sports Illustrated earlier this year — or its reprinting in the Chicago Daily Southtown — Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen has a publicly available email account: OzzieGuillen13@ hotmail.com. Now that the White Sox are in danger of a historic collapse, he says he'...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch if and when your pit bull decides to relinquish the remote ... • PGA: Valero Texas Open. Bart Bryant, we have come to topple you from your lofty pedastal. The thrill ride is over. Prepare to give up the Valero Texas Open trophy! [ESPN] • MLB: Orioles at Yankees. Big Stein smells a divi...
Sorry. We're Not Done With Mitch Albom Yet
Even though we wrote about it recently, we still can't stop thinking about that time Mitch Albom made up a bunch of stuff and turned it in as a column. Like, we're still supposed to read him after that....
Blogdome: Don't Make White Sox Fans Angry
• When you're in the middle of a frantic pennant chase, it's very, very bad when your cable provider can't even figure out how to put your games on TV. [South Side Sox] • We repeat: ESPN was encouraging people to send Lance Armstrong's dog a get-well card. We are not kidding about this. [The Mighty ...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch as Domino's names a new pizza in your honor ... • Bowling Green at Boise State. Broncos' 25-game home winning streak in serious peril, as is your marriage if you plan on watching football from Wednesday through Sunday. [ESPN 2] • MLB: Texas at LA Angels: Los Angeles trying to stay atop...
Yard Work Takes No Prisoners
We're not sure what they're putting in the water over there at Yard Work world headquarters today, but they've been murdering us all afternoon. Murdering us with COMEDY!...
Combing Through Simmons Reviews
We are about a week and a half away from the release of Bill Simmons' Now I Can Die In Peace — that's an appended title; Bill can't even resist a lengthy footnote in his book's name — and most of the big periodical reviews aren't out yet. (Our Nexis isn't working right, so we can't check the publish...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch as all your friends are our rocking, and, sadly, you realize that you are not... • MLB: Orioles at Yankees. "Aaron Small, Big Stein is counting on you. Costanza! Where's my calzone?" [YES Network] • MLB: Red Sox at Devil Rays. Boston a half-game ahead of Yankees — time for Schilling to...
Why Your Hometown Columnist Sucks: Mitch Albom
To paraphrase Jerry Seinfeld, your local sports columnist is like Larry of the Three Stooges: You don't really need him, but it wouldn't be the same without him. We always vow to use our powers for good, so we part the newsprint curtain each Tuesday and examines a different lousy local columnist. ...