ow Page 1033 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Follow Me (Very Slowly) To Freedom
114-pound tortoise makes a break for it, flees the circus. He was later found on a golf course two miles away, still running. It took him six days. [AP]...
Sometimes This World Is A Horrible Place To Live
ESPN's official comment on the Erin Andrews situation is this: "Erin has been grievously wronged here. Our people and resources are in full support of her as she deals with this abhorrent act." Mine is after the jump....
Big Leaguers Just Wanna Use Gordon Beckham's Love Tonight
Everyone wants a piece of Gordon Beckham. And by everyone, I mean, of course, the throngs of Chicago women wearing his T-shirt jersey and his fellow big leaguers who are copping his swoon-worthy at-bat music....
Mutton Wins Again
Is there a bigger mismatch out there than little children vs. surly mutton? Seriously. They're like the Washington Generals on sheepback. Look, kids. Hang it up. You just aren't going to ride that mutton....
ESPN Lawyers Try To Smoke Out Creepy Amateur Peephole Videographer (Update)
Yesterday a video posted on the site NSFW POA hinted that a naked blonde woman videotaped through a hotel peephole was a popular sports personality. ESPN lawyers pounced. Maybe we should mention the woman looks like Erin Andrews....
William Ligue's Son Still Proud He Beat Up That First Base Coach
They say it's important to live without regret. And one thing Young Bill Ligue does not regret is thrashing an old man on the field at Comiskey Park when he was 15. You just can't manufacture those kinds of memories....
Did Paper Spike Steve McNair Mistress Story?
There's a potential journalism dust-up happening down in Nashville where, according to our old buddy Clay Travis, The Tennessean newspaper may have killed a McNair follow-up story featuring anonymous quotes from McNair's other-other women....
Surprise! No One Cares That Manny Ramirez Used PEDs
Manny came back to Mannywood last night, and the fake dreadlocked Dodger fans welcomed him back with open arms, much to the consternation of you know who....
Metaphor As Illness: Whitlock, Train Rides And The Pursuit Of "Strange Tang"
Since the deaths of Steve McNair and Arturo Gatti, the world has turned its misty eyes to the prose of Jason Whitlock, who has made sense of it all by analogizing crazily and discoursing on "strange tang" and "young tail."...
In Which We Attempt To Translate British Journalism
If the English language isn't yet universal, then the verse of sports should be. I've never understood, then, why it is that I can't comprehend a word of 19th-century British newspapers....
Berman Playfully Miffed Over Being Snubbed By TMZ Camera Assassins
Or is he? The "You spend 30 years in the business..." line seemed a little genuine. I wonder if Evan Longoria even knew who he was? [TMZ]...
Rick Reilly® In A One-Piece: Toothsome
Reilly® squeezes into a LZR Racer in tonight's edition of that Homecoming show no one is watching. This one features Michael Phelps and a hack columnist's left nipple. [ESPN]...
And For His Next Trick, Sun Tzu Will Write The Sequel To <i>All The Pretty Horses</i>
"The strain, my dear, the strain. I have attended wars which seemed less emotional experiences than Pony Club polo matches." Note to columnists: War is never a good analogy. Especially when you're writing about tony ponies. [Daily Mail]...
Jay Crawford: ESPN's Resident Hard-Ass
This is an excellent story. Take heed, North Jersey adult league recreational baseball pitchers: If you plunk the First Take host in the back of the neck, he may kill you. Full [Sic'd] story after the jump:...
Nancy Boys Play Like ... Well, Nancy Boys
Look, when you play for a soccer team from a town named Nancy, headlines like this are inevitable. (What editor could resist?) Especially when you run away from swine flu like a team of little girls. [ESPN]...
Terrell Owens Suddenly Remembers He Has This Thing He Has To Be At
I was surprised to learn "The Superstars" was actually on last night, opposite the All-Star Pregame. (Counterprogramming!) Thanks to the magic of time travel, I have learned that the episode was way more pointless than usual....
Jim Cramer Was Wrong About Lenny Dykstra, Everything Else
Jon Stewart would like to remind everyone that financial "expert" Jim Cramer endorsed Lenny Dykstra as "one of the great ones in this business." And the business he was referring to was not "collecting tobacco juice."...
Jason Whitlock Vs. Marty B In Racial Flame War ‘09: WHO YA GOT? (UPDATED)
Our favorite oozing pumpkin Jason Whitlock is forging an Enemies List not seen since the last days of Richard Nixon: Selena Roberts, Serena Williams, Hamstring Stretches, etc....
Rick Morrissey Uses Dead Baseball Scribe As A Soapbox For Blog Rant
Here's a thoroughly obnoxious column by the Chicago Tribune's Rick Morrissey in which he picks up the corpse of Jerome Holtzman and swings it in the general direction of — what else? — the blogosphere....
AP's Dumb Baseball Poll And The Durable Myth Of The Overpaid Ballplayer
The Associated Press and Knowledge Networks recently teamed up for a state-of-baseball poll that revealed nothing whatsoever except the silly dogmas of the sort of people who commission state-of-baseball polls, i.e. sportswriters....