ow Page 1148 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you figure the Mets-Cubs game you have tickets for will probably get rained out ... • MLB: Detroit at Boston. The Red Sox are in desperate need of more nicknames. [ESPN] • NBA: Playoffs, Eastern Conference semifinals, New Jersey at Cleveland, Game 5; Western Conference semifinals, S...
Brady Quinn, Always With The Hetero Photos
Last March, Packers linebacker A.J. Hawk married Laura Quinn, whom you might remember as the double-jerseyed sister of new Browns quarterback Brady Quinn....
How Do You Spell "P-L-E-A-S-E L-O-R-D G-O-D S-T-O-P T-A-L-K-I-N-G?"
Sometimes we wonder if we are too hard on ESPN. Sure, collectively, they seem to have sucked the very life out of sports, packaging schtick and corporate pablum into a stew of impossible-to-digest soulless muck. (And, unlike the rest of us, they mix metaphors!) But they're still just individuals, ou...
Sophia Loren Antes Up A Couple Of Years Late
We are no strangers here to certain women who promise to remove certain clothing items if other certain things happen in the world of sports. Anyone who followed the SHOTY competition knows exactly what we mean. We get our hopes up and what happens? Heartache, nothing but heartache!...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch after another trip to the penis burn ward ... • NBA: Playoffs, conference semifinals, Chicago at Detroit, Game 5; Golden State at Utah, Game 5. Mulder believes the Warriors still have a chance. Scully does not. [TNT] • NHL: Playoffs, Western Conference final, Detroit at Anaheim, Game 3...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch while waiting for the pizza guy to make a delivery whenever he damn well gets around to it ... • MLB: Chicago Cubs at New York Mets. Can we start tearing out the seats for souvenirs yet? [ESPN] • NBA: Eastern Conference semifinals, Cleveland at New Jersey, Game 4; Western Conference se...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while tripping on peyote at the roulette table with your dead nephew's Vegas hooker. ... • NBA: Down go the Warriors! Utah 115, Golden State 101. • Golf: So out ... crooked baseball caps. So in ... Phil Mickelson golf visors. • MLB: Rockies caught in a vicious cycle thanks to Giants,...
To Watch Tonight...
• 8:00, ESPN. MLB. Detroit Tigers @ Minnesota Twins. A guy named Boof should have a giant red afro, or a curly mustache or something. • 8:00, Comedy Central. Movie. Bad Santa. Underrated in my view, but cursing at children makes me laugh. Don't judge me. • 9:30, TNT. NBA Playoffs. Utah Jazz @ Golden...
Alex Rodriguez, Amateur Urologist
Not to be outdone by the Brewers and their rectal exams, Alex Rodriguez appears to have decided to give Yankees pitcher Chien-Ming Wang a free urological exam in the middle of the game....
Temple's Inspired Obfuscation Falls Just Short
Considering the breathtaking amount of success Temple University sports have had over the last few years, it's no surprise that they were put on probation by the NCAA yesterday. We're so glad Temple's dominance was finally explained....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as Boris Mironov fails to outwit moose and squirrel ... • NBA: Eastern Conference semifinals, Detroit at Chicago, Game 3. Bulls were just waiting for the right moment to pounce. [ESPN] • NHL: Eastern Conference finals, Ottawa at Buffalo, Game 1. We should, like, buy a case of Labatt Bl...
Wild Nights In Salt Lake City
Just Call Me Juice points out what we're all thinking but are afraid to admit: These NBA playoffs have been so much more entertaining than the NCAA Tournament. (Assuming, of course, you ignore the Eastern Conference.) Last night's wild overtime thriller, a mad hatter 127-117 Jazz win over the Warrio...
About Last Night ...
What you missed during another senseless school squirrel attack ... • NBA: That clanking sound you hear is the Warriors going down 2-0 to the Jazz. • MLB: Dice, Dice Baby ... Manny, Matsuzaka lead Red Sox over Blue Jays, 9-3. • Tennis: The Chronicles of Roddick ... big fun at the Rome Masters....
To Watch Tonight
What to watch as you find out that there's already a Starbucks on the newly-discovered, earth-like planet ... • MLB: Texas at New York Yankees. Perhaps someone will finally talk about that rumored Roger Clemens signing. [ESPN] • NBA: Conference semifinals, Golden State at Utah, Game 2. Baron Davis m...
Floyd Mayweather, Preparing For Rain
After his loss to Floyd Mayweather on Saturday night, Oscar de la Hoya likely went home, drank some tea, filed some financial papers, played with his kid, maybe reviewed some business endeavors. Mayweather, on the other hand, did something else entirely....
Yet Another Way ESPN Makes You Gassy
You thought your life was caused enough pain every time you went to the gas station these days? (We still don't have a car, but it makes our heart ache every time we even look at a gas station anymore.) Well, it's about to grow far, far worse: Now, at certain gas stops, you're gonna have to hear rum...
To Watch Tonight...
• 8:00, ESPN. MLB. Phillies @ Giants. Cole Hamels vs. Tim Lincecum. • 9:00, ESPNU. SportsCenterU. 2007 NCAA Men's Lacrosse Selection Show. What lucky ESPN personality drew this plum assignment? • 9:00, NBC. Saturday Night Live in the '90s. Pop Culture Nation. Will Ferrell as Robert Goulet would make...
To Watch Tonight...
• 7:00, TNT. NBA. Chicago Bulls @ Detroit Pistons, Game One. Does anyone know who Ben Wallace played for last season? • 7:25, IFC. The Station Agent. It's not sports-related (even though that one guy does wear a Miami Hurricanes basketball jersey), but it's one of my favorites. • 9:00, Pay Per View....
Bad Sign for Brady Quinn: He's Taking Joe Theismann Seriously
Brady Quinn's dreams had just been peed on for 4½ straight hours before finding out he was going to be spending his career in the high-fashion mecca of Cleveland ... I thought we could all forgive him if he looked a bit disheveled. Joe Theismann could not....
If This Continues, Darin Erstad Might Want to Grab a Helmet
Catching a fly ball against the backdrop of dozens of retina-searing white lights can't be easy. Every now and then, you're going to lose one ... and in such instances, you're going to stand there and look like a chump. It happens to the best of them. But that doesn't make it less amusing....