ow Page 539 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

CBC Calls Entire Race Confusing Ryan Lochte For Michael Phelps [Update]

Michael Phelps just won his 22nd gold medal by dominating the field—which included his rival and countryman Ryan Lochte—in the 200 individual medley. Viewers in Canada, though, were led to believe Lochte led the race and that Phelps had fallen short. “Finally, he’s going to do it! Ryan Lochte is goi...

<em></em>

Buccaneers' New Kicker, Whom They Took In The Second Round, Misses First Career Extra Point

The Buccaneers traded up to take kicker Roberto Aguayo in the second round, because they suck. Eight minutes into Tampa Bay’s first preseason game tonight against the Eagles, they scored a touchdown—setting up Aguayo’s first professional extra point. Which he missed....

Here's The Very Last Virgilbag Ever

The Virgilbag is dead and is never coming back. Here are some wrestler run-in stories you sent us anyway....

BBC Equestrian Announcers Sound Very Horny For Dressage

Yes, yes, BBC dressage announcers were very taken with Charlotte Dujardin’s performance today atop Valegro, which is a horse and not a black market allergy medication. We are not sure if your announcers were wearing pants during this broadcast. It is possible that they were not, or perhaps wished th...

CBC Announcer On Hot Mic: "That Little 14-Year-Old From China...Went Out Like Stink, Died Like A Pig"

CBC is apologizing (or, in Canadian, ‘apologising’) after swimming analyst Byron McDonald spoke his mind about 14-year-old Chinese swimmer Ai Yanhan, whose performance in the 4x200m freestyle relay final allowed Canada to claim bronze in the U.S. dominated race....

Wichita State Basketball Coach Gregg Marshall Flips The Hell Out During Exhibition Game

The Wichita State Shockers played an exhibition game against McGill University in Montreal yesterday, a meaningless game that was supposed to be played at half-speed and produce zero headlines. Neither of those things happened....

Michael Phelps Drops Tombstone On Chad Le Clos, Wins 20th Gold Medal

Chad le Clos, who took advantage of Michael Phelps’s collapse in the 200 butterfly four years ago, poked the bear last night. He didn’t make it to the medal stand, and Phelps won his 20th gold. Rest in peace....

Tim Tebow Wants To Play In MLB, Will Fail At That Too

What fresh hell is this, where Alex Rodriguez is hanging up the cleats and Tim Tebow is trying to put them on? According to an Adam Schefter report that forced you to double-check and make sure it wasn’t a fake account, TV personality Tim Tebow will hold a workout for scouts later this month in the ...

Bad Soccer Man Smacks The Piss Out Of A Referee

Our latest example of Bad Soccer Manning comes courtesy of Daniel Pedrosa in Guatemala’s third division. The player didn’t like seeing the referee’s red card after Pedrosa appeared to bump into him, decided that the ref didn’t deserve to be able to see out of his left eye, and sent his forehead and ...

ESPN Dipshit To English-Speaking Ichiro: Speak English!!!

ESPN SportsCenter anchor and former WWE commentator Todd Grisham, who fancies himself a tough man, has a tough message for True Hit King Ichiro: This is America, learn some English!...

Yesterday's Best Judo Ippons, As Called By "J.R." Jim Ross

Olympics organizers can be sick people, as evidenced by their decision to schedule the single-elimination event of judo—one in which a competitor’s entire Olympics experience can be over in seconds—first thing on Day 1. Here are several of those competitors being eliminated by ippon, as called by pr...

Padres Chairman Continues To Shit On Players Who Didn't Live Up To His Expectations

There are a lot of big dumb assholes involved in major league baseball. This guy, for example. For whatever reason, Padres executive chairman Ron Fowler, an old man nobody had ever heard of until a few months ago, has decided that 2016 is the year in which he attempts to become the biggest, dumbest ...

Chaunté Lowe Demonstrates The High Art Of Balance

Physics figures large in high jump. Converting horizontal energy into vertical energy, torque, angle, and center of mass. But the most important concept, the one that’s helped Chaunté Lowe make four Olympic teams and set the American record, is balance. ...

DeAngelo Williams' Teammates Pranked Him With A Bunch Of Dang Balloons

I wish someone would prank me like this....

Scottish Club's Keeper Swings And Misses, Leading To Really Dumb Own Goal

Here is Aberdeen’s Joe Lewis, re-enacting that embarrassing time in elementary school when the kickball pitcher served you up a duck just waiting to be crushed, but you tried so hard to kill it that you whiffed. Unfortunately for Lewis, he did it in a decisive Europa League qualifying match, meaning...

Navorro Bowman Just Got Paid

Per Adam Schefter, 49ers linebacker Navorro Bowman just received a 4-year, $44 million extension with three years left on his current deal. This means his contract is now for 7 years and $77 million, although only $20 million of that is guaranteed because NFL contracts are a lie....

Get A Load Of This Heinous, Game-Losing Wild Pitch

With the Miami Marlins leading the Cubs by two runs heading into the bottom, Don Mattingly brought in A.J. Ramos. Immediately, everything went to shit....

Donald Trump Is A Frightened Coward And I Bet $100,000 He Won't Fight Me<em></em>

Last month, I made a public challenge to Donald Trump, which I will repeat here: If he or either of his sons will box me for one round, I will make the maximum legal contribution to his campaign and donate $100,000 to the charity of his choice....

Olympic Reporters Are Hungry And Cranky

Reporters are the complainingest people on earth, and these Olympics are giving them plenty to complain about—not a good combination. Today’s outrage: a severe lack of food options inside the media center. ...