ow Page 540 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Tiger Woods Is Now Golf's Washed-Up Uncle
Tiger Woods is still too old and fucked up to play golf, but he is capable of serving as a vice captain for the United States’ Ryder Cup team. Somebody forgot to tell Tiger that vice captains aren’t allowed to be in the team photo:...
I Think Nate Silver Is Broken, Maybe?
Here are a couple tweets from politics polling seer Nate Silver, founder of ESPN math website FiveThirtyEight....
Colts Radio Announcer Is Really Happy The Game Is "Finally Fucking Over"
The Colts won a nervous game against the Chargers yesterday, finally locking up the victory with a fumble recovery in the final minute. This was a great relief to longtime Colts radio announcer Bob Lamey:...
How Deep Does The Browns' Kicking Disaster Go?
As with all things Browns, failure is not enough by itself. It can never be simple. It must always be exquisite, and multipronged, and avoidable. The Cody Parkey saga, which saw Cleveland’s new kicker miss three field goals including a potential game-winner as time expired, is a great example....
What The Hell Were The Buccaneers Thinking?
There’s no good way to lose to the Los Angeles Rams, a team that scored a grand total of nine points through the first eight quarters of the season and is quarterbacked by something called “Case Keenum.” But of all the possible ways to fall to a team as bad as the Rams (really, there aren’t many!), ...
The Sidelines Aren't Safe
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Marvelous 50-Yard Touchdown Run Becomes Touchback After Ball Comes Loose
Nebraska should have opened its game tonight against Northwestern with an early touchdown on a 50-yard Terrell Newby rush, if not for the Huskers running back losing control of the ball as he leapt toward the goal line. Unlike previous instances this season, where runners dropped the ball in celebra...
"I'm Falling Off The Chair" [Update]
Chris Hassel’s day running ESPN’s Goal Line coverage is not going so well; the anchor cannot even manage to sit in his very stubborn chair....
Teenaged Korean Goalkeeper Is God-Awful At Pretending To Try To Stop This Goal
Thanks to the internet’s first helpful Youtube commenter, we know that this North Korean youth team was most likely actively trying to lose to avoid playing a better team in the knockout round of the Asian Federation’s U-16 Championship. So we can say pretty definitively that this Korean keeper was ...
It's Time To Once Again Help Prove That Average Fans Are The Best Scouts In Baseball
One of the best off-field developments in baseball this year was MLB bringing in pseudonymous saberist Tom Tango to work with their Statcast data, the product of player-tracking technology that promises to unlock such mysteries of the game as the relative values of positioning and reaction time, and...
This Intentional Walk Toss Missed By A Country Mile
Could you successfully complete an intentional walk without sailing a pitch five solid feet above the flailing glove of your catcher? Probably. Unfortunately, Twins reliever Pat Light could not today, allowing Justin Upton to score and opening the floodgates for a six-run ninth after he failed to ad...
Chip Kelly Backs Colin Kaepernick, Terrible Columnist Fusses Like A Baby
Press Democrat columnist Lowell Cohn is one of the very worst sportswriters in the business—he’s the dude who once compared PED users to murderers—so it’s no surprise that he has a problem with Colin Kaepernick. In fact, ol’ Lowell is so steamed about this issue that he felt it necessary to lecture ...
Don't Have Opinions About Other People's Underwear
Are your underwear emitting an odor of feces or stale urine or stagnant crotch-and-ass sweat that I can smell from a normal, respectful distance? Are you wearing some form of outer garment between your underwear and the outside world? Are you someone with whose underwear I may interact directly in t...
Here's A Truly Bonkers One-Handed Catch
Look at this catch, man. ...
Stephen Jackson Righteously Owns Don King On CNN
Evil relic Don King introduced ham demon Donald Trump at a campaign event this morning, and in the process, said “nigger” when he meant to say “Negro.” As a rule, you shouldn’t listen to anything Don King has to say, but it’s always worth laughing at him. ...
Lone Bright Spot For The Browns Injured Too
The Cleveland Browns, an alleged NFL team, are so thoroughly screwed. Part of this is by design. Part of this is because they’ve suffered a horrific stretch of injuries. RG3 (few people’s idea of a savior) hurt his shoulder, his backup hurt his shoulder, and now the team has to start a rookie next w...
Accept Random Events
How much are you willing to give up in a futile quest to control things that cannot be controlled? Everything? ...
Dodgers Roast Madison Bumgarner En Masse After Shoving Match
Yasiel Puig and Madison Bumgarner got into it last night, prompting a team-wide scuffle and the eventual, inevitable Giants collapse after Bumgarner left the game with one hit through seven innings. Thankfully this happened on the first night of a three-game series, so tonight and tomorrow should be...
USC Is Already A Mess
This past weekend, USC got stomped out by Stanford. That such a development is barely a blip on the radar is, as others have pointed out, alarming in an of itself from the USC perspective, and already first-year head coach Clay Helton appears to be cracking under the pressure....