ow Page 638 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The NFL Sells A Photo Of Marshawn Lynch's "Obscene" Gesture For $150
The NFL fined Marshawn Lynch $20,000 for grabbing his dick and now says they may penalize the team yardage if the Seahawks running back pulls an M.J. during the Super Bowl. But the league's distaste for "hold my dick" stopped once they realized they could make money on Lynch's johnson, as evidenced ...
Reports: Josh Gordon Suspended Again For Testing Positive For Alcohol
ESPN's Adam Schefter is reporting Browns receiver Josh Gordon has failed another drug test and is now facing a year-long ban from the NFL. It's his third reported flunked test, and ProFootballTalk says Gordon tested positive for alcohol....
Even QVC Is Making Jokes About The Patriots' Footballs
Shut it down. All that can be said about Ballghazi has been said....
Best. Vacuum. EVER: A Guide To Ignoring The NFL Pro Bowl
It will be hard—achingly hard, if not nigh-impossible—for you, a committed sports fan, to divert your attention away from the luminous spectacle of competitive purity that is the 2015 NFL Pro Bowl, presented by McDonald's....
Bill Nye The Science Guy Says Bill Belichick Is Full Of Shit
Science expert Bill Nye appeared on Good Morning America today to unequivocally call out Bill Belichick as a bullshitter....
Defense, Played The 76ers Way
Anybody want to guard Jeff Green? Anybody? No?...
Ballghazi Just Like Creationism, According To Idiot NFL Network Analyst
I don't know why Heath Evans is employed by NFL Network, but if it's for hot takes like "the Patriots allegedly deflating footballs is just like the debate between creationism and science" then... he shouldn't be. This was Evans's reaction to seeing today's Bill Belichick presser:...
Bill Belichick: "I've Handled Dozens Of Balls" In Search To Do Science
The NFL's resident Mr. Wizard, Bill Belichick, attempted to explain away Ballghazi by running a post pattern on science this afternoon, going long on Boyle's Law and the intricacies of the New England Patriots' process of touching, rubbing, and caressing balls....
How To Bake Bay Scallops, And Prove That Size Isn't Everything
Seems like bay scallops get kind of a raw deal, doesn't it? At my local purveyor of seafoods, the big honkin' fist-sized sea scallops get a place of honor in the glass display case, while the bay scallops are stuck over in the freezer across the way, packed by the dozens into grim plastic bags, f...
Hey Boys And Girls: You, Too, Can Skate 40 MPH Downhill Over Jumps
Sadie Lundquist (not pictured) launched from the rose window of St. Paul's iconic cathedral, some 40 feet above ground, dropped in and started building speed. A tiny check at the top of a 10-foot cliff and she was over the edge, hitting the ice with a crunch, fighting for balance, blurring through e...
Chainsaws 101: How To Safely Operate A Murdertoy
Winter is full of creaking trees and crackling fires, which are reasonable enough excuses to buy a chainsaw. You'll want a reasonable excuse, because it's passé to admit that these things are a shocking amount of dangerous fun....
The Ultimate Super Bowl Snack Divisional Finals Are Upon Us. VOTE!
Big Peanut took a page out of Big Avocado's playbook, attempting to throw my bracket by ginning up Twitter support. Big Peanut did not succeed....
Sal Paolantonio Has Found The Real<i> </i>Victim Of Ballghazi
We still have nine days until the Super Bowl, everyone. Mark Brunell getting upset over the possibility of Tom Brady fibbing is not the nadir of Ballghazi, though that'd be nice. On this morning's Colin Cowherd radio atrocity, Sal Paolantonio remixed a classic hand-wringing angle—Think of the ch...
Imprisoned Cowboys Fan Sues NFL For $89B For Reversing Dez Bryant Catch
Terry Hendrix, currently incarcerated in Colorado and a serial filer of frivolous lawsuits, has finally struck upon a real injustice. He's suing the NFL for nearly $89 billion for the officiating decision to overturn Dez Bryant's reception in the Cowboys' playoff loss to the Packers....
This Glorious Goober Will Blow Your Mind With His Sick Archery Skills
This video is nearly six minutes long. I understand that asking you, dear reader, to watch a six-minute video of some dude doing archery tricks in his garage and the woods by his house is a tall order, but you need to do this. You need to watch Lars Andersen, master of ancient and long-forgotten bow...
Mike Florio Could Probably Use A Nap
Football, man. The season is too long. It can really get to people. And with frantic 24-hour news cycles like the one created by Ballghazi, there's not much time to get away and decompress....
Last Night's <i>Hannity</i> Just Couldn't Stop Talking About Ballsacks
It's no surprise Ballghazi is taking over the cable news airwaves, but the national nets have sadly been too humble or afraid to utter the necessary term "ballsack." American patriot Sean Hannity's program is the home of real talk, though, and last night they just couldn't stop talking about ballsac...
Basketball Is Dead. The Knicks And Sixers Murdered It.
All the precious, fragile, bitterly-won gains of humankind's wretched, fitful, brave, millennia-long upward struggle went up in white-hot magnesium flames last night in Philadelphia and burned away to powder. All for nothing. All fantasies, every damn one. The Knicks and Sixers have shown us ours...
The NFL Should Just Leave Marshawn Lynch The Hell Alone
According to ESPN's Adam Schefter, the NFL is preparing to become much more aggressive in its battle against Marshawn Lynch and his continued refusal to give a fuck....
"Way To Go, Paul": Hulk-Like Hockey Parent Breaks Glass With Slap
Look, I'm going to play this one straight: I know absolutely nothing about this video. It was tweeted at us from an unknown Twitter account, has almost no description, and was posted by a seemingly normal YouTube account that has been around for five years. I cannot find any other trace of it on...