ow Page 688 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Here's A Bunch Of ESPN Personalities Reciting The Gettysburg Address
You're probably wondering why the hell this exists. Well, it appears that Ken Burns is working on a documentary about the Gettysburg Address, and this is some kind of promo clip for it. ...

Baseline Bathroom Standards: Let's Do This
The rise of AirBnB—and the existence of Airpnp, which allows you to tap-tap-tap on your tiny computer telephones and find a friendly bathroom in which to take a whiz when no acceptable public option is available—makes necessary a conversation about what amenities a bathroom should feature, and what ...

Mike Greenberg Milks Cow; Cow Shits Everywhere
ESPN's Mike Greenberg had to milk a cow today as a result of losing some March Madness bet, while Mike Golic described the process. When Greenberg finally started milking—at about the one-minute mark—it took only a few seconds before the cow gave her opinion of Mike & Mike all over the platform (and...

The Ultimate Warrior Was An Insane Dick
In his last public appearance, not 24 hours before his death, James Hellwig made clear that there is a distinction between the Ultimate Warrior and the man beneath the facepaint. So it in no way detracts from the respect earned by one of the biggest and most unique characters in wrestling history to...

Gary Player Tells Story About Arnold Palmer Taking A Shit On A Green
Of all the things you expect to hear during the hours upon hours of televised Masters coverage, a story about Arnold Palmer taking a shit on a green during a tournament in Japan is not one of them. Thanks to Gary Player and Golf Channel, you can do exactly that....

Bartolo Colon Celebrates Strong Start By Jiggling His Belly
Bartolo Colon dominated the Braves last night, shutting them out over seven innings while striking out five. He also did this in the dugout....

Jose Abreu Makes His Big-League Splash With Two Homers
It didn't take long for Yasiel Puig and Yoenis Cespedes to go from being Cuban defectors shrouded in mystery to household names. Based on what he did last night, it looks like White Sox first baseman Jose Abreu, the latest Cuban-born star to arrive in the majors, is on a similar path to stardom....

Ashley Wagner's Still Got It
Send stories, photos, and anything else you might have to [email protected]....

The Ultimate Warrior Gave His Own Eulogy A Day Before His Death
After a career built on death rumors, it's finally true. Jim Hellwig, who had legally changed his name to Warrior, died last night in Arizona at the age of 54. Fewer than 24 hours earlier, he appeared on WWE Monday Night RAW, and to celebrate his induction into the WWE Hall of Fame, he addressed the...

Rhode Island TV News Does Story on Pussy Riot, Won't Say "Pussy Riot"
Hillary Clinton took a photo with Pussy Riot last week, and the former Secretary of State's selfie with the Russian activist rockers went viral. We're not surprised, then, that the story turned up on local news four days after the fact. We are surprised, though, that one TV station tried to cover it...

Dikembe Mutombo Says "Who Wants To Sex Mutombo?" Never Happened
Today is a very sad day. Dikembe Mutombo went on Highly Questionable and destroyed one of sports' greatest urban legends, emphatically denying that he ever walked into a club and yelled,"Who wants to sex Mutombo?"...

ESPN's Website To Celebrate Hank Aaron With Night Of Cosplay
Forty years ago today, Hank Aaron hit the 715th home run of his career, surpassing Babe Ruth's mark of 714 and setting the all-time career home run record. Even with Barry Bonds having long since surpassed the record, this is one of the great moments in American sports history, more than worth marki...

A Lot Of People Made Money Betting Against Undertaker At WrestleMania
The Undertaker's 21-match unbeaten streak at WrestleMania is no more, after a surprise loss to Brock Lesnar last night. Fans were in shock, but no one was happier than those bettors who put money on Lesnar when he was a huge underdog....

WrestleMania Gets New Orleans Newspaper's Front Page
Today's New Orleans Times-Picayune features five pages of coverage of last night's WrestleMania at the Superdome—an event which managed to bleed over into the public consciousness more than usual, thanks in large part to the end of the Undertaker's streak. Still, it's odd to see wrestling get the fr...

Dumb Shining Moment: Your 2014 NCAA Tournament Lowlight Reel
Fans around the country flock to their TVs for March Madness, a time when college basketball players inspire us with their NCAA Tournament heroics. Plenty of dumb things happen in between all those buzzer-beaters and spectacular dunks, though. This video features those dumb things....

Final Four Teamcasts Leave Viewers Confused, Enraged About "Bias"
Tonight's Final Four games were aired on TBS, with team-specific broadcasts on TNT and TruTV. This was explained to people for weeks, but it seems lots of them did not get the message—even with a large bug in the corner of the screen identifying the broadcasts as being oriented toward one of the two...

Don Cherry Tries, And Fails, To Pronounce The Name "Jacoby Ellsbury"
The first few syllables don't even sound human....

Worst Intentional Walk Attempt Ever Becomes Walk-Off Home Run
Auburn lost to Ole Miss on a walk-off home run in the 13th inning Friday night on a pitch that was supposed to be the first of four intentional balls. Unfortunately, Auburn's Jay Wade threw an unintentional meatball down the middle of the plate and Ole Miss won 8-5....

Columnist: Yasiel Puig Threatens To "Unravel Team" By Not Stretching
Dodgers outfielder Yasiel Puig arrived late to the stadium ahead of his team's home opener at Dodger Stadium today. Los Angeles Daily News columnist Jill Painter believes that this infraction threatens to unravel the Dodgers....

Your Field Guide To WrestleMania XXX
WrestleMania is the kind of thing you can really only discuss in superlatives: it's the biggest, the loudest, the most-hyped, the most outrageous, the most ridiculous, and the most fun. Yes, pro wrestling is a totally unique performance art, one of the last direct links to an old, weird America, etc...