ow Page 836 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Los Angeles Sports Anchor Suggests Vin Scully Should "Get His Shit Together" Live On-Air
Vin Scully delighted us all in announcing this weekend he'll return for a 64th season in the Dodgers' broadcast booth. We're looking forward to another season of Vin telling humorous anecdotes and bowdlerizing profane managerial outbursts....

Jerry Jones Grounds Dez Bryant
Dez Bryant can't go to strip clubs anymore and has to be driven to practice and games by some omnipresent security force. He also has a midnight curfew, unless he tells the Cowboys that he will not be abiding the midnight curfew. With advance notice, of course....

What's The Deal With All These White Computers?
As my local Starbucks continues to flow with disgusting burnt coffee, the computer world is full of greedy racists. Not much going on this weekend, so, I was just sitting in my local Starbucks looking around when it struck me: what is the deal with all these white computers? And why do I have to pay...

Lance Barrett Tosses A.J. Pierzynski And Robin Ventura, Shameless Homer Hawk Harrelson Goes Off Again
"Lance Barrett's just stunk the joint up, is all he's done, that's all he's done...he's terrible." Hawk, you might recall, got into a bit of a pickle when he referred to umpire Mark Wegner as "brutal" and "totally absurd" while questioning his baseball knowledge. He got a stern talking to from Bud ...

Regular Dude Jon Jones Is Under Siege Because He Shares a Name With The MMA Fighter
You know how this goes. You're just a regular guy, living his life, when all of a sudden, Jon "Bones" Jones cancels UFC 151, ruining everything. So, you do the only logical thing you can do. Google "Jon Jones," find his twitter handle and tell him how you think he's the biggest pussy this side of Mi...

"The 11 Hottest Paralympic Athletes" Is A Slideshow That Exists
Not saying this is noteworthy, or exploitative, or any less pageview-baity than all the other "X hottest Ys" slideshows out there. Just saying it exists. [MSN]...

Howie Kendrick's Mustache Last Night Was, Erm, Unique
Last night's 14-13 Angels win over Boston in extras was a testament to agricultural arson, but some viewers seemed preoccupied with the status of Howie Kendrick's mustache....

Miguel Cairo Fails To Make The Easiest Play Ever
After Juan Pierre led off the Phillies' half of the ninth with a single, it was pretty obvious Kevin Frandsen was going to try to bunt him over to second to put the winning run in scoring position. And once Frandsen got the bunt down and the ball rolled toward Miguel Cairo, it was pretty obvious Cai...

Mike Francesa Uncorked An All-Timer Of A Rant On The Collapsing Mets
The Mets are in freefall. They just got swept in four games at home by the (now) 50-73 Colorado Rockies. The Mets' starter for the last of those four losses, today's game, was blogger Collin McHugh, making his major-league debut. McHugh threw seven scoreless innings, allowing two hits and one walk, ...

Jerry Jones Isn't Worried About Replacement Refs, Because There's Still Instant Replay
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Ol' Jer hasn't noticed a difference between the new and old refs anyway....

The Charlotte Bobcats' Top 10 Plays, Annotated
Presumably due to some inescapable contractual obligation, NBA.com put together a highlight reel of the Bobcats' top 10 plays of 2011-2012. This is not a joke; they were able to find 10. Let's run them down, with some much-needed context....

Swedish Soccer Fans Wake Up Opponents With 4 A.M. Fireworks Show
CSKA Moscow is in Stockholm to play AIK tonight, in the first leg of a Europa League qualifier, and the Russians were just trying to get a good night's rest. Enter AIK fans, who showed up outside CSKA's hotel in the middle of the night with flares, fireworks, whistles and car horns....

Local Virgins Say Tim Tebow May Be Able To Remain A Virgin In New York, Reports <em>NYT</em>
The sports section of today's New York Times busied itself with yet another important journalism project on the topic of Tim Tebow's virginity. Tebow himself, however, was "unavailable for comment," so Times writer Bob Tedeschi did the next most logical thing: He tracked down a handful of young NYC...

Bristolmetrics: The Jets Are America's Team, According To Tebow-Horny <em>SportsCenter</em>
This is a regular feature breaking down, minute-by-minute, the content that appears on ESPN's 11 p.m. edition of SportsCenter throughout the week....

Batista Takes In An Ashlee Simpson Concert: More Wrestler Run-Ins
Inspired by the saga of "Wrestling Superstar Virgil," we continue with readers' encounters with the titans of the squared circle. If you've had your own run-in with pro wrestlers past or present, e-mail us, subject line "Virgilbag."...

Rhino Fart Just Demolishes Morning Newscast
Hoo boy, if you weren't watching Kickin' It With Kenny on today's Fox 8 Cleveland news, you missed out. Never fear: here's the moment when mama rhino Kibibbi let fly during her morning hosedown. That's 1.3 tons of rhino rumbling your speakers and sending reporter Kenny Crumpton into a giggle fit f...

Mike Francesa Is Back From Vacation And All He's Seeing Are "Lights Blinking On And Off"
Mike Francesa is back on the air this week after his annual insanely long summer break. It seems like he's a little grumpy about being back. Something something blinking lights? Headsets not working? Red lights on and off. Dear reader, today we got a look into Mike Francesa's soul....
![Little Leaguer: ESPN Changed My Player Bio To List My Favorite Show As <em>SportsCenter</em> Instead Of <em>The Dan Patrick Show</em> [UPDATE: It Was A Gag]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Little Leaguer: ESPN Changed My Player Bio To List My Favorite Show As <em>SportsCenter</em> Instead Of <em>The Dan Patrick Show</em> [UPDATE: It Was A Gag]
Will Lucas from Fairfield, Conn., threw a no-hitter in the Little League World Series yesterday and was invited on the The Dan Patrick Show today to talk about it....
