ow Page 962 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
With One Tired Sitcom Punchline, We Lose All Our Sympathy For Cleveland
Yesterday, How I Met Your Mother featured a LeBron James joke. It wasn't like the LeBron James jokes we've seen elsewhere on TV because it was just lazy as all hell and made me realize how tired I am of Cleveland's martyrdom....
Giants Stadium Loses Power, Fans Quickly Resort To Violence
Usually at the Meadowlands, everybody's really friendly. That was not the case yesterday when a blown transformer caused a power outage in the new stadium. The fans reacted by very calmly, very assuredly, beating the crap out of each other....
Rodeo Bull Jumps Into Crowd, Gets Kicked Out Of Rodeo
The Canadian National Rodeo Finals were this weekend, and boy were they exciting. There was speculation over who would be crowned Miss Rodeo, the inspiring return of barrel racer Benette Barrington, and the rodeo itself, of course....
Jesus Walks Like A Cowboy: Manny Pacquiao Does Dallas
ARLINGTON, Texas —When Jesus returns, he will surely return to the 50-yard line of Cowboys Stadium, descending bodily on the fog-machine-assisted sun rays streaming through the windows just above the mighty Ford logo, but below the American flag....
Yes, Someone Is Giving Colin Cowherd A Sitcom
CBS is developing a show based on the life of Colin Cowherd, from the producers of "Two And A Half Men." In it he adopts John Wall, desperately need of a father figure, and teaches him how to be a leader. [Variety]...
Jon Kitna's Nipples Lead Cowboys To Second Win
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Here's Video Of Lou Holtz Dressing A Young Blonde Intern Down With Mean Words
Apparently, if you're not into sports, you're just jerking Lou Holtz around. That's what he said....
Your NFL Early Games Open Thread
Sweet God in heaven, is the Mangini Bowl really the best thing going on in the early games? Fine, Jets/Browns can also be spun as Ryan vs. Ryan [Plain Dealer], but still. Vikings/Bears? Titans/Dolphins? I suggest AC Milan/Inter Milan....
Remember The Time Peyton Manning Helped Chris Hanson Catch A Predator?
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Colin Cowherd Keeps Fucking That Chicken (UPDATE)
Yesterday, on the heels of John Wall's first career triple-double in his sixth career game, Colin Cowherd once again took to the airwaves to air his grievance about Wall's play. It was tasteful; he invoked Wall's dead dad and everything....
Bleacher Report Suspends Cam Newton
Of course, there's the possibility that BR has the exclusive and we just look like fools here. But that's not a world I want to live in. [Bleacher Report Google Cache, h/t Josh]...
Let's Talk Rationally About The Theory That November's SI Kids Cover Is A Cleveland Diss
Rational people of the world, let's be rational together. This month's SI Kids' cover was a harmless rendering of Miami's Big Three as the Three Musketeers, not a malicious stab at the Cleveland Cavaliers and their preteen fan base....
ESPN Book Promises To Reveal "The Rowdiest Frathouse In Sports TV"
So we happened to get our grimy little hands on the Little, Brown's catalog that teases the upcoming Shales/Miller oral history of the Worldwide Leader. It appears to promise many more casualties than our ESPN Nagasaki attack....
Small-Business Owner Does Not Appreciate Young Turk Messing With His Bushes
When you have a row of bushes in front of your shop, you want them to look pristine. A well-tended exterior shows your business is also well-tended. It's understandable you'd be upset if skateboarders repeatedly fucked with your shit....
Here's A Breakdown Of The <em>Wheel Of Fortune</em> One-Letter Solve
Last Friday, a Wheel of Fortune contestant solved a prize puzzle with only one letter on the board. The internet exploded with astonishment and conspiracy theories. Esquire's Chris Jones—who's written about phenomenal game-show performances before—broke it down on his blog....
Joe Morgan Was Our Hans Gruber
Emma Span wishes a fond farewell to Joe Morgan, the archvillain who made "it so much fun to play the righteous underdog." (How do you think we got Die Hard?) [Bronx Banter]...
A Sensible Man In Gainesville Wants Restraining Orders Against Tebow, Obama, And Jesus
John D. Gilliand of Gainesville, Florida, filed three petitions for injunction for protection against repeat violence last week — against everyone’s favorite Messiah Tim Tebow, President Barack Obama, and, to complete this holy trinity, Jesus....
Next Time Cowboys Fire A Coach Mid-Season, They Will Likely Check Domain Name
Because someone failed to re-register the domain name, the Dallas Cowboys website disappeared from the interwebs on a big day for Cowboys-related news, and site visitors instead saw a screen like this. The marketing office must be in between interns....
Here's A Man Who Shat Himself At The Florida Ironman Last Weekend
After the jump, prepare to look at this physical specimen as he stands in awe of his accomplishment, even though he has a pound of shit splattered all over his leg. What's that pungent smell, you ask? Personal victory....
My Uncomfortable Encounter With An Angry Joe Morgan
In 2005, I wrote a story for SF Weekly about the now-unemployed Joe Morgan, who at the time was leading a proudly ignorant rearguard action against Michael Lewis's Moneyball. Joe and I met one Sunday before a Giants game and chatted for a while about the book (which he hadn't read). Joe got a little...