ow Page 968 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Cranky Old Man Chides Everyone For Enjoying YouTube Clip
Frank Deford on that whimsical middle school trick play: "It wasn't genius at all; rather, it was a form of child abuse."...
How To Identify Satanic Sacrifice: A Helpful, Creepy Police Training Video
This old police training video teaches up-and-coming detectives how to look for signs that their murder victim has been sacrificed to Satan. One such clue: often "a penis is placed inside the mouth of the deceased person." Good to know. [Metal Insider]...
So, A Drunk Clevelander Laid Out A Small Child For Being A Jets Fan
You can stop emailing us about the 8-year-old who got tackled at the Browns game for wearing a Jets jersey. Our official stance is this: if you don't want your child to get beaten up everywhere they go, don't let them root for the Jets. Simple....
Bay Area Denny's Serves Up Halloween Brawl
As funny as it is to see a "skeleton" get pelted with a chair, this is the third such incident we've seen at a Bay Area chain-dining establishment. It's officially a trend....
How To Make Your Own Four Loko
The FDA is going to ban caffeinated malt liquor beverages very soon. Gone will be Joose and gone will be our precious, disgusting Four Loko. Luckily, you will be prepared for the 21st century prohibition with this helpful video....
Ron Zook Freaks Out, Has A Jim Mora Moment
After Illinois' loss to Minnesota last Saturday, Ron Zook addressed the team's prospects for bowl eligibility. It's one of the finest moments in Motor-Mouth History. H/T Erik...
With One Tired Sitcom Punchline, We Lose All Our Sympathy For Cleveland
Yesterday, How I Met Your Mother featured a LeBron James joke. It wasn't like the LeBron James jokes we've seen elsewhere on TV because it was just lazy as all hell and made me realize how tired I am of Cleveland's martyrdom....
Giants Stadium Loses Power, Fans Quickly Resort To Violence
Usually at the Meadowlands, everybody's really friendly. That was not the case yesterday when a blown transformer caused a power outage in the new stadium. The fans reacted by very calmly, very assuredly, beating the crap out of each other....
Rodeo Bull Jumps Into Crowd, Gets Kicked Out Of Rodeo
The Canadian National Rodeo Finals were this weekend, and boy were they exciting. There was speculation over who would be crowned Miss Rodeo, the inspiring return of barrel racer Benette Barrington, and the rodeo itself, of course....
Jesus Walks Like A Cowboy: Manny Pacquiao Does Dallas
ARLINGTON, Texas —When Jesus returns, he will surely return to the 50-yard line of Cowboys Stadium, descending bodily on the fog-machine-assisted sun rays streaming through the windows just above the mighty Ford logo, but below the American flag....
Yes, Someone Is Giving Colin Cowherd A Sitcom
CBS is developing a show based on the life of Colin Cowherd, from the producers of "Two And A Half Men." In it he adopts John Wall, desperately need of a father figure, and teaches him how to be a leader. [Variety]...
Jon Kitna's Nipples Lead Cowboys To Second Win
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Here's Video Of Lou Holtz Dressing A Young Blonde Intern Down With Mean Words
Apparently, if you're not into sports, you're just jerking Lou Holtz around. That's what he said....
Your NFL Early Games Open Thread
Sweet God in heaven, is the Mangini Bowl really the best thing going on in the early games? Fine, Jets/Browns can also be spun as Ryan vs. Ryan [Plain Dealer], but still. Vikings/Bears? Titans/Dolphins? I suggest AC Milan/Inter Milan....
Remember The Time Peyton Manning Helped Chris Hanson Catch A Predator?
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Colin Cowherd Keeps Fucking That Chicken (UPDATE)
Yesterday, on the heels of John Wall's first career triple-double in his sixth career game, Colin Cowherd once again took to the airwaves to air his grievance about Wall's play. It was tasteful; he invoked Wall's dead dad and everything....
Bleacher Report Suspends Cam Newton
Of course, there's the possibility that BR has the exclusive and we just look like fools here. But that's not a world I want to live in. [Bleacher Report Google Cache, h/t Josh]...
Let's Talk Rationally About The Theory That November's SI Kids Cover Is A Cleveland Diss
Rational people of the world, let's be rational together. This month's SI Kids' cover was a harmless rendering of Miami's Big Three as the Three Musketeers, not a malicious stab at the Cleveland Cavaliers and their preteen fan base....
ESPN Book Promises To Reveal "The Rowdiest Frathouse In Sports TV"
So we happened to get our grimy little hands on the Little, Brown's catalog that teases the upcoming Shales/Miller oral history of the Worldwide Leader. It appears to promise many more casualties than our ESPN Nagasaki attack....
Small-Business Owner Does Not Appreciate Young Turk Messing With His Bushes
When you have a row of bushes in front of your shop, you want them to look pristine. A well-tended exterior shows your business is also well-tended. It's understandable you'd be upset if skateboarders repeatedly fucked with your shit....