owl Page 142 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Gorkys Hernandez Covers Himself In Shame While Trying To Rob A Homer<em></em>
The Phillies are wrecking the Giants tonight, but not even a double-digit run differential can inflict as much embarrassment on one player as Carlos Santana’s three-run dong did to San Francisco center fielder Gorkys Hernandez. When Santana blasted one to the deepest part of the ballpark, Hernandez ...
Pedro Florimon Ruins The Nationals With Slick Glove Fake-Out
Phillies starter Vince Velasquez and four relievers held a banged-up and disappointing Nationals lineup to just two hits in Saturday’s 3-1 Phillies victory. The Nats engineered eight walks in the game, but left eight runners on base and were 0-3 with runners in scoring position. They did, however, p...
Every Force In The Universe Conspires To Cruelly Thwart Golfer's Eagle Approach Shot
You are not going to do a whole lot of mourning for a golfer because he narrowly missed an eagle—first of all it’s golf, and second of all, you tap in for birdie a shot later and that’s about the best anyone can realistically hope for in this awful world. But this, man, this shot, from Peter Malnati...
Mets Finally, Fully Break Up With Matt Harvey
Baseball is difficult and contingent and deeply cruel under the best of circumstances, and playing baseball for the New York Mets is not the best of circumstances. It is a big-league job and pays commensurately, and when things are going well it comes with a gaudy suite of perks and sweeteners, but ...
How Temple Helped Normalize Bill Cosby After He Sexually Assaulted A Temple Employee
Bill Cosby held a big party at Temple in December 2004....
Ethiopian Soccer Coach Fired For Socking A Ref In The Face
Video replay in soccer sucks, but goal line technology is great. The biggest advocate for the introduction of this tech in Ethiopian soccer is probably the referee of this weekend’s Defence Force vs. Welwalo Adigrat match, since it probably would’ve saved him from getting fed this fist sandwich:...
Historically Horrendous Boner By Bayern Munich's Keeper Gifts Real Madrid A Goal
If ever there were any doubt that Real Madrid are the luckiest team in the history of the world, this staggering gaffe by Bayern Munich’s Sven Ulreich that set up Karim Benzema for the easiest goal he’ll ever score in his life should remove all doubt:...
Blue Jays Player Achieves The Dumbest RBI Single
Twins pitcher Lance Lynn, who’s gotten off to just a cosmically bad start to the season with an 8.37 ERA, had some unlucky shit happen to him in Monday’s 7-5 loss to the Blue Jays. Caught in a bases-loaded jam, Toronto infielder Lourdes Gurriel Jr. got away with this tiny little swinging-bunt RBI s...
High-Kicking Madman Should Maybe Switch From Soccer To Taekwondo
Here we have yet another South American soccer player who apparently can’t differentiate between the kinds of kicks you use to score goals as Messi when playing FIFA and those you use to punt opponents’ heads off their bodies as Sub-Zero in Mortal Kombat:...
Annoyingly Coy Report: Eagles Owner Jeffrey Lurie Called Donald Trump's Presidency "Disastrous"
Buried near the end of this New York Times article about the Super Bowl champion Philadelphia Eagles talking to the White House about planning a visit is a tidbit about team owner Jeffrey Lurie “using a vulgarity” to call Donald Trump’s presidency “disastrous.” That quote seems like it’d be more imp...
Mariners Turn Triple Play After Evan Gattis Forgets How Many Outs There Are
The Mariners fortuitously escaped a jam in the fourth inning against the Astros today when Houston’s Evan Gattis made a Little League-level mistake and forgot how many outs there were, gifting Seattle a triple play....
Goalkeeper Gives Up Very Dumb Goal After Forgetting Where He Kicked The Ball
League One side Shrewsbury Town dropped a 2-0 match to Charlton Athletic this afternoon, with the clincher coming right at the end of the second half. Shrewsbury keeper Dean Henderson tried to clear the rock out of his half, but instead he punted it into the air, lost track of it, and served up a ta...
Killjoy Rule Turns Mighty Dinger Into Lousy Single
In the top of the fourth inning of Saturday’s 9-1 win over the Dodgers, with men on first and second, Diamondbacks third baseman Deven Marrero smoked a ball to deep left center, where it cleared the wall and became a dinger. But the box score will not remember it as a three-run dinger; instead it wi...
Let Us Cringe Together At A Truly Butchered Pre-Game National Anthem
Rachel Platten is a well-known pop singer. I am a crusty old shitbag, and so I have heard of roughly no one, but I understand she’s had some chart-topping hits and may have performed on, like, Good Morning America or something. At any rate, here she is performing, well, some of the national anthem a...
The Lowest Lowlight From A Slapstick Pirates Loss Was This Three-Run Sacrifice Fly
Though there were almost no fans in attendance to see it, something extremely dumb and good happened in last night’s silly Pirates-Marlins game: with one out in the bottom of the 5th inning, with the bases loaded, Marlins second baseman Starlin Castro skied a fly ball to right field for what would n...
Bubba Watson Sends Eagle Putt Directly Into The Bunker
Owing to the insane three-day brilliance of leader Patrick Reed, Bubba Watson’s perfectly respectable six-under headed into Sunday at the Masters put him nowhere close to contending for the lead in the final round. An early eagle certainly wouldn’t have hurt the cause! I bring that up because Watson...
Hoo Boy, The Padres Lost In The Dumbest Way Imaginable
You really will not believe this one. The Astros had a man on second with two outs in the bottom of the 10th inning last night, against the Padres, in a scoreless game. Batter Alex Bregman popped a rising 3-2 fastball from Padres pitcher Phil Maton straight up in the air. Easy out! Guaranteed out. R...
Edinson Cavani Misses Can't-Miss Goal, Proving That He's Still Edinson Cavani
If you missed the old Cavani, miss easy goals Cavani, “he always chokes” Cavani, “he should be sold” Cavani, then you’re in for a treat: In today’s Ligue 1 match between PSG and Saint-Étienne, Cavani reminded us all that somewhere deep down inside him, behind the steady stream of goals and renewed c...
Sergio Garcia Does The Thing From That Golf Movie, Hits Five Straight Shots Into The Water On One Hole
This is almost as excruciating to watch as Tony Finau’s ankle popping out. Defending Masters champ Sergio Garcia handled the opening round’s par-5 15th hole by putting five consecutive balls into the damn water. He finished with a 13, which ties him with Tommy Nakajima and Tom Weiskopf for the highe...
I Will Do A Good Blog. I Will Do A Good Blog. <em></em>I Will Do A Good Blog.<em></em>
Positive thinking is a powerful thing. Or at least regression to the mean is....