owl Page 166 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Germany Beat Italy After Miserable, Awful PK Shootout
A mostly-uninspired Germany-Italy quarterfinal devolved to a terrible penalty shootout, one finally and mercifully won by Germany after Matteo Darmian became the last of many Italians to choke. He only ever approached the ball thanks to fuckups by Müller, Özil, and Schweinsteiger that forced PK over...
Duron Carter Scores Touchdown, Starts Brawl, Gets Ejected
Duron Carter aimed for the football version of a Gordie Howe hat trick after the former Ohio State Buckeye (and, briefly, Indianapolis Colt) caught a touchdown pass for the Alouettes before knocking down an Ottawa coach and starting a brawl that resulted in a very Canadian string of penalties....
Miguel Sano Assists Putout With His Noggin
Minnesota Twins star Miguel Sano is finishing up a rehab assignment with the team’s Triple A affiliate in Rochester, N.Y. It’s a good thing he’s getting plays like this one out of his system before he returns to the big club:...
Harry Kane's Futile Free Kick Against Iceland Gets The Roasting It Deserves
Straight up sports and pop culture mashups are usually bad. But occasionally, they are silly enough to work, like this one, in which Harry Kane’s wayward free kick in England’s pantsing by Iceland gets the Titanic-themed dramatization it deserves....
God Fucking Dammit, Gonzalo Higuaín
At this point, it’s pretty hard to dismiss out of hand the notion that Gonzalo Higuaín—unquestionably one of the best forwards in the sport, fresh off a historically great season—might be a sleeper agent embedded in the Argentine national team for the express purpose of bringing the team, the countr...
Justin Verlander Had A Very Bad Fifth Inning
Tigers hurler Justin Verlander added another achievement to his list of career accolades today as he allowed four Cleveland home runs in the same inning. We congratulate him on this stunning accomplishment....
Alejandro De Aza Redefines Boneheaded Play
Mets outfielder Alejandro de Aza did nearly everything wrong tonight in the tenth inning of New York’s scoreless tie against the Braves: he botched the bunt, didn’t run it out, and then slid into first base—headfirst, even. Good job, good effort!...
The Mariners Lost In The Dumbest Way
The Seattle Mariners lost their sixth straight game this afternoon to move below .500 and cap off a long slide in which they’ve gone 8-19 and have been swept three times. Today’s loss was the dumbest. Starter Adrian Sampson injured his elbow warming up for the game but the Mariners managed to dinger...
Man Attempts To Dunk Over Seven Children, Dunks Over Six
Here we have Tyrell Clary, a freshman forward who plays for Wallace State in the Alabama Community College Conference, putting on a little dunk show for some school children. Some of the children enjoyed the show more than others:...
Ángel Pagán Is Fuming Mad At His Dumb Baseball Glove
Look at this photo of Ángel Pagán doing a cool jump to rob Erik Kratz of a dinger. You think he got it? He did not....
Cristiano Ronaldo Botches Penalty Kick, Takes Selfie With Idiot On The Field
Portugal only managed a draw against Austria today in Paris after Cristiano Ronaldo missed a late penalty kick; the Real Madrid superstar then was confronted after the game by an Idiot On The Field who demanded—and apparently got—a selfie with the three-time world player of the year:...
Wade Phillips Finally Gets His Actual Super Bowl Ring
When the Denver Broncos received their Super Bowl rings Sunday, defensive coordinator Wade Phillips’s jewelry had the wrong name. (It was engraved with the name “Peters.”) He showed a photo of the correct ring Thursday, along with the erroneous one....
You Sure That's The Third Out?
Odubel Herrera made a routine fly ball catch to end the eighth inning and flipped the ball to a fan in the outfield stands, which was a kind thing to do, except, yeah, no, that’s not the third out....
Trevor Story Kneecaps Gerardo Parra
The Colorado Rockies are known purveyors of the “Two Guys, One Base” strategy and tonight, they took it too far when Trevor Story ran into Gerardo Parra like an enthused golden retriever going for a ball. He did not get the ball, but he did take out Parra....
Series Of Cascading Errors Gifts Panama A Nice Lil' Goal
Panama have a chance to knock Chile out of the Copa America and join their CONCACAF friends (USA and Mexico) in the quarterfinals if they beat Chile this evening. Thanks to a terrible pass by a center back and some fumbling goalkeeping work, they got an early lead against the Chileans....
Just How In The Hell Did This Guy Not Crash?
For some reason, the Tour de Suisse decided that a good place to stick a finish line was 100 meters after a 90-degree corner. When Danny van Poppel tried to squeeze past Peter Sagan on the inside corner, he clipped wheels and was on course to eat shit into the barrier until he made a miraculous save...
Zack Greinke, Chill Out, My Friend
Zack Greinke left the Dodgers for the huge pile of cash that the Arizona Diamondbacks offered him this offseason, and he tried to show out a bit when he hit what he probably believed to be a donger against his former team. He flipped a itty bitty bat flip to commemorate the occasion. Except, yeah, n...
What Are Your Favorite Official Team Anthems?
Spain released their official Euro 2016 song, and it’s everything you could possibly hope for. It’s catchy as all hell—I’ve been singing España ey ey, cantamos gol gol to myself all day—features a verse sung by the heavily Andalusian-accented Sergio Ramos, and as a bonus both Pique and Juanfran look...
Jeff Van Gundy Tells Incredible O.J. Simpson Chase Story
After seeing a promo for ESPN’s upcoming O.J. Simpson documentary, Jeff Van Gundy decided the time was right to tell an incredible story about the O.J. Simpson white Bronco chase, one that he and Pat Riley apparently held onto for two decades. I don’t know that I believe it, but I desperately want t...
This Gyasi Zardes Lowlight Reel Is Very Rude And Very Funny
United States forward Gyasi Zardes has quickly established himself as one of Jürgen Klinsmann’s favorite attackers, racking up five goals and 26 caps in his first two years with the national team. He’s a perfectly fine runner and finisher, but good lord, his first touch looks like he’s playing socce...