own Page 297 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
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The Mark Cuban Gay Joke ESPN Doesn't Want You To Hear [UPDATE]
For two days, Cuban vs. Simmons was billed as the marquee event at last weekend's MIT Sloan Sports Analytic Conference, sponsored by ESPN. It certainly didn't disappoint as the two took the stage late Saturday and engaged in an hour-long discussion ranging from the NBA lockout to how teams can eng...

"It Ain't Midnight Yet, Y'all!" High School Hoops Announcer Loses His Mind Yet Again
Bravo, Brian Snow. We didn't think there was any way you could top last Friday night's trachea-shredding performance, as the Marist RedHawks hit a late three to win the 4A regional final over Curie, 63-62. No, there was no way you could top that one. ...

Hockey Dad Says He Wasn't Being Malicious When He Shined That Laser Pointer In A Little Girl's Eye
Joe Cordes, 42, admitted he shined a laser pointer onto the ice during last week's high school girls hockey game between Winthrop (Mass.) and Medway-Ashland (Mass.). The parents of the freshman goalie for Medway-Ashland had said their daughter complained of headaches afterward. Cordes, whose daughte...

Hines Ward Signs With Ravens, Reports Pittsburgh TV Station That Fell For Obvious Parody
It’s not clear how this exclusive BroCouncil “report” could have fooled anyone, let alone that intrepid crew of news readers at WPXI-TV, who lamented Ward’s departure for the Steelers’ biggest rival at the top of their 6 a.m. newscast this morning....

Gregg Easterbrook Has Dubbed The Bounty Scandal "Sinnersgate," Because He's A Haughty Dipshit
Now that Terra Nova has been canceled, noted Brookings Institutionarian and surveyor of the cosmos Gregg Easterbrook was finally free today to chime in on the NFL bounty scandal. And oh, dear readers. Oh, the man never fails to disappoint. Right off the bat, this is what you get ......

ESPN's Keith Law Is A Fan Of Bad Spring Training Twitpics, Unless It Involves One Of His Bad Spring Training Twitpics
We told you two weeks ago about the hilarity that is Bad Spring Training Twitpics, the site that's collecting all the bad art being snapped by the cameraphones of the many baseball writers now roaming around spring training. That same day, Keith Law let his many Twitter followers know he was also a ...

High School Basketball Announcer Shreds Vocal Cords To Pieces In Bonkers Championship Game Call
Please enjoy this gentleman (?) calling a high school game in Chicago absolutely losing his shit in the final seconds. From what we can gather in all the madness, "Hot Rod" Williams drilled a three with 2.4 seconds left to take the lead. Then all hell broke loose in the announcer's booth. We truly...

Major League Soccer's Facebook Account Likes Strippers
Several tipsters have sent in what appears to be an example of the dreaded "logged in to the wrong account" snafus that must keep social media interns awake at night....

Hockey Dad Kicked Out Of High School Tournament For Shining Laser Pointer In Opposing Goalie's Eyes
Some people are just straight up crazy. Take this father of the year candidate who was removed from a girls high school hockey game between Winthrop and Medway-Ashland after he was discovered shining a laser pointer in a teenage girl's eyes....

A Chain Reaction Takes Out Every Horse In This Race But One
That would be Miss Fifty, the favorite, who barely snuck inside the carnage as all the other horses went down. Sharp Beauty, in the lead, broke down on a muddy track at Charles Town in West Virginia, causing a seven-horse pileup....

Mike Milbury And Jeremy Roenick Nearly Came To Blows On NBC Sports Tonight
A discussion of rough play in the NHL appeared to approach violence itself as hockey dad Mike Milbury and analyst Jeremy Roenick engaged in a heated argument live on NBC Sports Network. ...

Tiger Woods Does Not Want To Discuss Whether He Wanted To Be A Navy SEAL
Golf Digest published some excerpts yesterday from Hank Haney's upcoming book about his time as Tiger Woods's coach, and the part everybody's talking about is the portion that alleges Tiger "seriously considered" leaving golf to be a Navy SEAL....

Sportscaster Wants A Do-Over: "Son Of A Bitch. One More Time. Start It Over. Ready?"
But Craig Smylie of JET 24 in Erie, Pa., was on live done in by an editor who queued up the wrong footage from the night before at that moment when this aired early Thursday morning....

"Twitter Is Not Your Personal Playground," ESPN Reminds Its Employees
A mole sends along the following email, which was spammed out to ESPN talent on Monday:...

Some Dude Won The Fort Worth Marathon By Six Minutes, But Was DQed Because He Didn't Register
Oklahoman Scott Downard easily won the Cowtown Marathon, in Fort Worth, with a time of 2:31:40. He outran the rest of the field by more than six minutes, so there was plenty of time to disqualify him before the actual winner even finished....

Terrell Owens's First Indoor Football League Catch Was For A Touchdown
T.O. made his mostly ignored debut in the Indoor Football League tonight, and while he was mostly invisible in the first quarter, his grab early in the second period put his Allen (Tex.) Wranglers up by a touchdown on Wichita. This is happening, folks. [Time Warner Cable]...

ESPN Had Another Headline Issue Today, And This One Included The Word "Gook"
Here's how the headline to this story looked early Saturday morning on ESPN's Soccernet site. We actually got a tip about it from Andy W, but dismissed it because we'd never heard of Lee Dong-Gook and figured ESPN had Westernized the order of his name (in other words, that his given name was Lee an...

Here's The Ludicrous Blown Call In Today's AC Milan-Juventus Match
In a call that reminded many viewers of England-Germany in the 2010 World Cup, AC Milan's Sulley Muntari was deprived of a goal and Milan of a wider lead over Juventus when this clear goal was declared to be, by officials.. no goal....

Fox San Diego Sports Anchor Implies Danica Patrick Is A Bitch
Ross Shimabuku, Fox 5 San Diego's current sports anchor could teach a master class in subtlety. Of course, no one would know a thing about what "subtlety" means, but the arts are a dying skill anyway....

Pirates Owner's Response To Team President's DUI Gives Us The Best Headline Of The Day: "Nutting Right On Coonelly"
I'm pretty sure the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette intends to tell us that columnist Ron Cook thinks Pirates owner Bob Nutting is correct for continuing to support team president Frank Coonelly, whose DUI arrest in December just became public knowledge yesterday. The headline was no doubt written that way ...