owns Page 60 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Dolphin Owned To Death By Octopus
Your continued existence in this world is in many ways determined by how fortunately things break for you in the aftermath of a mistake. Some people step into traffic while looking at their phone and escape with nothing more than the particular fright that results from an unseen car coming to a scre...
Sean Payton On Spectacular Self-Own: "It Was Good Playoff Fun"<em></em>
New Orleans Saints head coach Sean Payton seems to have a knack for getting cocky at precisely the wrong moments. In December, he threw the “Choke!” sign at Falcons running back Devonta Freeman while Atlanta in the middle of a scoring drive. It comes as no surprise, then, that Payton really played t...
Football Writer Cian Fahey Says He Left ESPN After Being "Ignorant" At A Bar
Football writer Cian Fahey said today that he resigned from ESPN after he “drank too much at a bar and treated American strangers like I would my Irish friends.” The Dan Le Batard Show executive producer Michael Ryan Ruiz mentioned Fahey leaving the Worldwide Leader during today’s broadcast, and Fah...
Bill Simmons Is A Fucking Embarrassment<em></em>
Look man, I know Ley already posted about it earlier but for real, get a fucking load of this Bill Simmons column that dropped today. It’s a fucking disgrace. There have been so many awful Bill Simmons takes throughout history, including this one, this one, and this one. You could make a Hall of Fa...
Get A Load Of This Fucking Bill Simmons Column
Bill Simmons has written a long and tortured criticism (rebuttal?) of Seth Wickersham’s meticulously reported story about the Patriots’ ongoing behind-the-scenes drama. If you want to spend the next 10-14 minutes making the Nick Young face, go ahead and read it. But if you just want to know how craz...
ESPN: It's Bad That We Keep Squeezing Juicy Quotes Out Of LaVar Ball<em></em><em></em>
“There’s always oxygen somewhere,” reads an article on ESPN.com this morning, criticizing the Los Angeles Lakers’ front-office muckety-mucks for their radio silence on the antics of hot-taking sports dad LaVar Ball, “and a firebrand like Ball will always find it.” This seems a bit rich, coming from ...
Jimmy Butler Did Not Enjoy That Football Game
The Wolves whomped the Cavs last night, 127-99, as LeBron James played one of the spottiest games of his career. But for Jimmy Butler—heard here hollering in the background—the night’s real emotional stakes only came afterwards, as he watched the final moments of the college football championship. K...
Wonderful, Miserable Browns Fans Throw "Perfect Season" Parade Through Cleveland
Browns fans, perhaps more adept at wringing enjoyment out of crushing hopelessness than any fanbase on our planet, threw a delightful parade through Cleveland to celebrate the team’s historic winless season. God bless these poor sons of bitches:...
Cultural References In This NFL.com Sean McVay Profile, Ranked
The longtime Sports Illustrated writer Michael Silver works for the NFL now, and it appears that his editors there are finally allowing him to live his dream of writing like a prestigious version of Bill Simmons circa 2002. His lengthy profile of Rams head coach Sean McVay is packed with more pop cu...
The Browns Had 16 Chances To Win A Game This Season And Just Could Not Do It<em></em>
This game really looked like it could be the one. Granted, the overtime loss to the Packers in Week 14 looked promising too, as did Week 7's extra time 12-9 defeat against the Titans. But going up against Pittsburgh’s B team, with all the Steelers’ best players resting, the 0-15 Cleveland Browns had...
Browns Owned From Beyond The Grave By Disgruntled Dead Fan
Well, you knew this was coming: the Cleveland Browns have been owned by another dead person....
C'mon, Nobody Deserves That
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Why Does Jon Gruden Think The Philadelphia Stadiums Are "Downtown"?
Philadelphia teams have been tanking incompetently since before Sam Hinkie was alive. The 1968 Eagles started out 0-11 and looked like a lock to draft O.J. Simpson No. 1 overall. Then they won two straight to ensure that the Bills would have the top pick. In their 14th and final game that year, a yo...
Jameis Winston Melts Down After Panthers Comeback
Cam Newton scored a touchdown with 35 seconds left to push the Panthers past the Buccaneers, 22-19. On the ensuing drive, Jameis Winston fumbled on the first play after a sack from Kawann Short. Carolina defensive end Julius Peppers recovered. That’s when things got messy....
Report: Josh Rosen Doesn't Really Want To Play For The Cleveland Browns
Mock 2018 NFL drafts—here, here, here, and here, for example—tend to favor UCLA quarterback Josh Rosen as the number one overall pick, headed to the Cleveland Browns, who have needed a franchise quarterback for, well, my entire life. Which makes this report, from Adam Schefter, another hilarious bum...
Report: Top MLB Exec Was Accused Of Abusing Colleagues, Hiring Escorts<em></em>
In November, news of longtime MLB executive Bob Bowman stepping down from his position came and went. Bowman, who headed up the league’s digital media arm for 17 years, was credited with making baseball “more accessible and enjoyable to millions of fans” by commissioner Rob Manfred in a statement an...
NFL Network Boss David Eaton Resigns
David Eaton, the vice president and executive editor for NFL Media, has resigned his position. ...
The Winless Browns Can't Get Anyone To Watch Them Because Of Liberalism
You won’t get these facts from the mainstream media!...
Ottawa Senators Radio Announcers Casually Discuss Grindr In Middle Of Game
I don’t have much to add to this. Tonight Ottawa shut out Montreal 3-0 in a centennial celebration game played outdoors in what looked to me like horrifically cold weather at Ottawa’s football stadium, but despite all the pomp and circumstance of the event Senators radio announcers Dean Brown and Go...