pe Page 1052 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Your MLB TRADE FUCKING DEADLINE Open Thread
We've covered Beltran-to-the-Giants, and the considerably more important Fister-for-Furbush trade....

Chris Kluwe Conditionally Surrenders No. 5 To New Vikings QB Donovan McNabb
Your morning roundup for July 30, the day we're provided with living proof that 32-year-old women are, in fact, into 83-year-old men. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Friday Afternoon Fun With Asian People, With Special Guest Stars Neymar And Chien-Ming Wang
Set to jolly CONMEBOL rhythms, this is a local TV spot on Brazilian team Santos' new ad hyping their Club World Cup trip to Japan. Yep, those are Santos players making the slant-eyed gesture. We'd expect this kind of thing from one half of the Treaty of Tordesillas, but not both....

Stories That Don't Suck: SportsFeat's Guide To Life, Death, And Sex On Skis
Every Friday, SportsFeat picks a few great weekend reads for Deadspin. With things sweltering outside, we went looking for stories that might remind us of what it feels like to be cold. We found these instead....

Tiger Woods's Backyard Practice Facility Is Nicer Than Most Golf Courses
We should not lose any sleep over Tiger's latest setbacks. He could be done for the 2011 season, and he's going through the second difficult break-up of his young life, but he is still terribly wealthy and preparing to move into a Jupiter Island, Fla. estate that is reportedly worth $54.5 million....

BREAKING: Hall Of Famer, Admitted T-Shirt Thief Roberto Alomar Will Return The T-Shirt He Stole
Perhaps you read our story earlier today, of Blue Jays fans Fiyaz Kanji and Owais Farooqui, who made the pilgrimage to Cooperstown this weekend to see Roberto Alomar enter the Hall. But during the parade, Alomar took the $50 t-shirt that belonged to Kanji....

Guess Who Arrived First For Broncos Practice Today?
At 8:01 this morning: "Tim Tebow. Of course." [@AdamSchefter]...

Spencer Hawes Honors The Seattle SuperSonics With A Terrible Haircut
The people of Seattle will go to great lengths to honor their former team. They will heckle billionaires. They will refuse free, courtside seats to the NBA playoffs. And they will shave an outline of the Seattle Space Needle into the backs of their heads....

My Frustrating Sexting Sessions With Ron Artest
At first, I thought Ron Artest, the man you may now know as Metta World Peace, and I could become friends. Blame my naivete, ego, or optimism, but I really thought this could be platonic....

This Is How Kris Draper Ends: Not With A Bang But A Premature Photo Caption
After being traded to the Red Wings for the princely sum of one American dollar, Kris Draper racked up quite the career over 17 years in Detroit. But this past season was a disappointing one for the 40-year-old Draper, in which he missed nearly half his team's games with injuries and (more tellingly...

The Heat Has Driven Michael Kay And Paul O'Neill Mad
Your morning roundup for July 24, the day our tears dried on their own. See anything worthwhile? Tip your editors. Image via @godzillatimmy2....

Watch A Cop Take A Baseball To The Head At Last Night's Indians/White Sox Game
Tipster Andrew D. was kind enough to share this video of a foul ball deflecting from the stands at Progressive Field in Cleveland onto the dome of a sideline cop. At first, he's on the edge of seething, but then he sees the whimsy of the moment and just goes back to his responsibilities to God, Co...

Peru And Venezuela Are About To Play For South American Soccer's Consolation Prize
So what if Irina Grandez and Daisy Araujo didn't quite measure up to Larissa Riquelme in the "world will watch my nation's soccer match to see whether I will have to strip naked for them" sweepstakes? Paraguay Cell Phone Girl's nudity will be decided tomorrow. But, Irina and Daisy's heroes on the ...

Everybody Feared The Worst When Old Man Brent Musburger Went Rogue In Vegas For A Spell
Your morning roundup for July 23, the day after we learned that high-school tennis coaches really might want to stay away from strip-club ownership....

Your Afternoon Downer
Here are two awful stories from the world of sports to depress yourselves with. [Star Tribune, Denver Post]...

Hope Solo Has Won Even More National Respect By Dunking George Lopez
Yeah, yeah, it's a late-night stunt, and yeah, yeah, Hope Solo doesn't dunk Lopez on the first try. But she sunk the unfunnyman, and that's the point. This feels almost as good as a World Cup....

Great, It's Gotten To The Point That Great White Sharks Are Jumping Into Our Boats
Off the coast of South Africa doing a shark count in Mossel Bay, members of an Ocean Research team were chumming the water in order to draw their numerical prey in. It wasn't long before an 1,100-pound, 10-foot great white took it upon itself to get airborne in a successful effort to go aboard the ...

An Appreciation Of Kevin Manning, DC's Resident Boozy, One-Armed Tennis Prankster
Our man at the Washington City Paper, Dave McKenna, has written an appreciation of Kevin Manning, a DC-area tennis character who passed away from cancer earlier this year....

Here's Ndamukong Suh Dancing To Katy Perry's "Hot N Cold"
When we last checked in on Ndamukong Suh, he was eating himself. Now he's tweeting himself dancing to "Hot n Cold." This is his first and likely last Katy-Perry-inspired video, as the lockout looks close to over and he'd have to get a permit to strap fireworks to his chest in Michigan. [Complex]...

Michael Jordan Can Still Dunk, Sort Of
At 48 years old, Michael Jordan can still dunk a basketball. That seems merited. Here's the Bobcats owner at the team's fantasy basketball camp yesterday, throwing down (to use the term lightly!) at the request of a camper. Still, as TBJ points out, we've seen worse from Mike — even when he was a ...