pe Page 1060 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

At Least One Bounce Went Right For Kim Clijsters In Her Second-Round Exit
Kim Clijsters, seeded No. 2 in the French Open, lost to Arantxa Rus (real name) in the second round yesterday. She fell 3-6, 7-5, 6-1 to the 114th-ranked player in the world. But it wasn't all bad! Clijsters also had one of the most fantastical bounces we've ever seen in tennis. This is the kind o...

Pete Rose Doesn't Want To Be Dead Before He Gets Into The Hall Of Fame
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Pete sounds a little desperate....

Horse Herpes Outbreak Forces Rodeo Queens To Ride Stick Ponies
Oh wait, I'm sorry, that's the actual headline that a Utah TV station went with for this story....

Scottie Pippen Doesn't Care About Titles
Why else would he tell Mike and Mike this morning that "Jordan is the best scorer ever but I may go as far as to say LeBron James may be the greatest player to ever play the game?" [via Broussard]...

And Here's A Brutal Hurdle Fall To End The Workday
Before you click play, know that she goes down on the final hurdle. The anticipation will be dreadful....

This Gaming Geek Shall Inherit <em>MLB 2K11</em>'s Million-Dollar Prize
Before setting off to claim a million-dollar bounty offered by MLB 2K11, Brian Kingrey did an analysis. He pored over batting averages, compared pitcher strengths and tendencies, examined the probable starters for the contest's opening day and the batting orders… [Kotaku] ...

We Are All Dave McKenna CXI
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Dan Snyder's dumbass libel suit runs out of ways to die in this space....

47 Of Maria Sharapova's Grunts In Her Second-Round French Open Win
Maria Sharapova faced Caroline Garcia, a 17-year-old French up-and-comer, in the second round of the French Open today. Garcia took the first set and led 4-1 until midway through the second, when Sharapova took 11 straight games to win, 3-6, 6-4, 6-0. Sharapova's known for her grunting, of course;...

LeBron James Is Friends With Drake. Of Course He Is.
Drake, the child star-turned-hashtag-rapper who would have you believe that his last name is Ever and his first name is Greatest, has been sitting courtside at a lot of Miami Heat games this postseason. This is partly because he is rich and lives in Miami, and thus needs to be photographed doing ric...

Satirical, Non-Libelous Dan Snyder Group Fiction, Part IV: Cooke And Bligle Jim Escape To The Potomac
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Dan Snyder's dumbass libel suit chokes on a crab puff at a cocktail party. (For those of you keeping track, this is "We Are All Dave McKenna CX.")...

Barry Bonds Will Pay To Send Beaten Giants Fan's Kids To College
This is actually great: Barry Bonds, the star of Bob Costas's nightmares, will provide scholarships for Bryan Stow's two grade-school-age children. Stow was brutally beaten at Dodger Stadium in March for wearing a Giants jersey. His condition is slowly improving, and police recently arrested a suspe...

Your Sharks/Canucks Game Five Open Thread
The Vancouver media loves the Sedins again. We'll see how venomous the rancor can get should San Jose win tonight, to make the series 3-2 and send it back Sharkward....

Your Bulls/Heat Game Four Open Thread
Tom Thibodeau is coaching about as well in this series as Craig Sager is dressing. So much Bogans. So much Korver. So little stopping of LeBron, Wade, and even Bosh. Accordingly, the Bulls lost two consecutive games for the first time since February....

We Are All Dave McKenna CIX
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit finds its way into the wood chipper....

Admiring Novak Djokovic's Last 40 Match Points
Novak Djokovic has won 38 straight tennis matches in the 2011 season, and he hasn't lost in 40 outings, dating back to November's Davis Cup. His dominance has been nearly absolute; in seven months, he's dropped just eight sets, and that includes seven wins against either Rafael Nadal or Roger Fede...

We Are All Dave McKenna CVIII
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit self-immolates in shame....

The Ryan Giggs Affair Reaches An Apotheosis Of Stupidity
Remember how everybody knows Ryan Giggs had an affair with Imogen Thomas, but they couldn't say it because of the dreaded Super Injunction? So, yeah, that Super Injunction is still in place today, but that isn't stopping every single English newspaper from sticking his name and mug all over their ...

Jose Canseco Tweets Obsession With Lady Gaga, But He Spurned Madonna, So...
Okay, I suppose there are a lot of things a little wrong with Jose Canseco's latest Twitter freakout, but there's a whole plane full of parallels we can't miss. And those parallels make this much more than the ramblings dribbling out of a disgraced slugger's Dorito-dusted fingers....

Listen To Unreliable Apocalyptist Harold Camping Talk About Sports
May 21st has passed without the Rapture, much to the chagrin of Harold Camping and his followers. But Camping is not just a one-trick Horseman: he talks about all kinds of non-apocalyptic stuff on his Family Radio station. Play the above clip to hear what he has to say about how sports interfere w...

There Was A Poignant, Action Figure-Only Funeral For The Macho Man In A Backyard This Weekend
Your morning roundup for May 23, the day Beyoncé ran the world. Staged Macho Man funeral via HuggingHaroldReynolds.com....