pe Page 1172 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Mellon Arena: The Final Frontier
The NHL Closer is written by the five Star Trek: The Next Generation enthusiasts from Melt Your Face Off. When not attending conventions, they can be found in their makeshift Holodeck, where they practice putting the moves on a virtual Counselor Troi. Set your phasers to stun, Deadspinners, because ...
Which Speller Will Have The Best Chance At Bagging Erin Andrews?
In commemoration of the Scripps National Spelling Bee, A.J. Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker makes a brief return. Email him to let him know what you think....
The Stanley Cup Finals Mule Variations
The NHL Closer is written by five octopi from Melt Your Face Off. When Al Sobotka isn't twirling us over his head, we're served with pickled ginger, green onion and mayonnaise in takoyaki. Raskolnikov emptied his ink sacs to write a recap of last night's action....
Careful, It's Slippery
This angle, for which I am ever thankful the morning after, is not the greatest; CBC's camera had a better view, combined with two men sitting on the ice a couple feet away wearing Red Wings apparel, laughing their octopi-molesting asses off. At first I thought those two seedy Michiganders had somet...
Who Wants A Trophy-Shaped Cup? (Cup-Shaped Trophy?)
There once was a man by the name of Stanley, who decided that average trophies were not good enough for hockey teams, so he went and sculpted a cup based on a napkin drawing by Nigel Tufnel. The trophy was supposed to be 35 feet tall, but he got his inches and feet mixed up....
A Strictly Business-Like Examination Of The Women's French Open Contenders And Their Respective Tawdry Photos
For those of you out there who are fans of yellow fuzzy balls bouncing off of clay courts, the French Open at Roland Garros begins this weekend. This is the favorite surface of Rafael Nadal and his exposed biceps, but those types of examinations can be found elsewhere online....
There's No Reason That Random Urinalysis Can't Be Fun
Barry Bonds may be gone, but as penance for profiting over his steroid-soaked home run record chase, I think the Giants should have to dump Lou Seal and adopt a new mascot. Meet Petey P. Cup, who not only charms young and old with his playful urine-related antics, but serves as a sober reminder of b...
Those Houston Astros Are Quietly Having A Pretty Good Season
And let's just start to set the bar incredily low early to kick off the Memorial Day Weekend by linking to Astros' centerfielder Hunter Pence's lady friend. According to BumpShack (that's where it's at), the woman's name is Terri B, who appears to be eligible for her inclusion on this site because...
Breaking: Russia Years Ahead Of Us In Remote Control Flying Penis Technology
Garry Kasparov’s love-hate relationship with technology continued on Saturday, as the former World Chess Champion was buzzed by a remote controlled flying penis during a political speech in Moscow. As reported by Gizmodo yesterday, Kasparov seemed bemused by the brief encounter, which ended when an ...
Could This Be The End For Our Pedro?
First off, all of you Mets fans who are saying "Pedro who?", just stop it. Pedro Martinez, who is on the verge of returning to New York's starting rotation, says that this season might well be his last. And you don't know it now, but you'll miss him when he's gone. Yes, you will....
Yeah, Peyton Doesn't Believe Favre Either
Count Peyton Manning among those who don't buy this whole Brett Favre Is Retiring balderdash. Manning is onto Mr. Favre and his oh, I'm done with the game claptrap....
Use Your Urine To Kill Space Aliens
If you're like us, the art of urinating in a public restroom has become a rote, empty, stale ritual. We mean, come on: You just stand there. Where's the sport in that? Alas, we must now thank the fine people of Belgium for turning the act of urination into the competitive event we've all been beggin...
Could This Guy Be The NBA's Rally Monkey?
We can't thank The Sports Hernia enough for this beautiful photo of a Celtics fan drawing unnecessary attention to his own toupee. We've always taken a lot of pride in our ability to spot toupees ... but this one required no specific expertise....
Penguins Return Home For Game Five, Get Back In The Habit
The NHL Closer is written by the five pillars of piety from Melt Your Face Off. When not serving the needy, sick, poor and uneducated, they can be found sneaking sips from the Baptismal Font. Weed Against Speed somehow got his hands on the keys to the Popemobile, so let's take this sucker out for a ...
Super Blogdome Returns
• Breaking out some offseason footbLOL, because it's what all the cool kids are doing. [Everyday Should Be Saturday] • Woody Paige's insecurity is showing. [Awful Announcing] • John McCain might be getting down with the sports blogosphere. [SportsByBrooks]...
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
Ah, The Cultural Rewards Of Major League Baseball
The life of a Japanese player, when assimilated into a Major League Baseball clubhouse, can be difficult. You have to learn parts of other languages, deal with cultural differences you hadn't anticipated and, mostly, deal with the odd duck that is Jonathan Papelbon....
Soccer. Balls.
For those lukewarm soccer enthusiasts who contend that more public nudity would greatly improve Europe's favorite foot-oriented sporting event, this is somewhat fantastic news. Recently, "more than 1,800 men and women have posed nude for US photographer Spencer Tunick in Vienna's Ernst Happel stadi...
Challis' Message Continues To Inspire
Those who have been following the story of John Challis in the Pittsburgh-Post Gazette shouldn't be surprised that he's taking the country by storm. The Freedom High School (Pa.) senior, who has terminal cancer, was invited to attend Game 2 of the NHL playoff series between Philadelphia and Pittsbu...
Baseball Taking Much-Needed Milestone Break
One of our favorite early-season baseball rituals is the old "on-pace-for" game. Unfortunately, it's slim pickings this year; no one's hitting a ton of homers, and there aren't many individuals completely tearing up the league. (It's almost as if they're missing some sort of value-added supplements ...