pe Page 624 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Hell Is Trying To Get Into A Ballpark On Opening Day
Opening Day is here again, and you know what that means: hot dogs, dingers, the smell of the freshly mowed grass, and also the experience of standing in a line for 45 minutes because overdramatic security measures and some pointless new technology means that fans are slowly being let into the ballpa...
Lost Tape Of Bret Hart's Finest Artistic Achievement In WWE Has Finally Been Found
There is just so much pro wrestling, spread over so many promotions and so many years. There is so much, in fact, that a great deal of it—not just forgettable Reagan-era bouts but legitimately legendary matches featuring iconic performers giving dazzling performances—is presumed lost. These matches ...
Tennis Wunderkind Félix Auger-Aliassime Is Ready To Face The Best
Ah, to be 18 again. A skeleton with no aches, the ability to deplete whole pantries of food without adverse effect, the optimism of seeing all your best years before you, and a lifetime 5-0 record against top-20 players in professional tennis. Fine, maybe that last trait is unique to Félix Auger-Ali...
Which Online Edgelord Mishaps Will Derail Trevor Bauer's Season?
It’s Opening Day, folks, and you know what that means: It’s time to speculate and make predictions about the upcoming major league baseball season. Which teams will win the divisions, wild cards, pennants, and World Series? Who’s gonna sock a ton of dingers? Which bizarre Internet Libertarian ailmen...
Report: Jordan Bell Suspended By Warriors For Charging Purchase At Team Hotel To Assistant Coach Mike Brown
When it was announced Wednesday afternoon that Warriors center Jordan Bell would be suspended by the team for one game for “conduct detrimental to the team,” the safe bet was a missed meeting or chronic tardiness, nothing very spicy or interesting. There’s a whole range of relatively mundane workpla...
Betsy DeVos "Corrects The Record" On Desire To Defund Special Olympics By Reiterating Desire To Defund Special Olympics
On Tuesday, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos went before a House appropriations subcommittee and, as she has in every previous year of the Trump presidency, requested a series of huge cuts to the Department of Education—$7 billion in total this time around, which is roughly 10 percent of the depar...
Australian Shopping Center Terrorized By A Pair Of Hellion Nine-Year-Olds
Two extremely, ah, feisty(?) nine-year-old girls went on an absolute fucking rampage at the Helensvale Shopping Centre in Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia yesterday. And by “absolute fucking rampage” I mean that they abused an old lady, spat on, punched, and kicked a security guard, and danced on a...
Trump Department Of Education Wants To Defund The Special Olympics
On Tuesday, Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos met with members of a House appropriations subcommittee to defend her department’s proposed budget for the next fiscal year. It was, like most of what happens in government, a ritualistic offering—the proposed budget is a proposal that reflects the admi...
Would You Rather Be Born Old Or Die Young?<em></em>
Today, we’re talking about Scott Van Pelt, rich assholes in space, flipping the bird, and more....
The Underarm Serve Trick Shouldn't Only Be Used By Nick Kyrgios<em></em>
The serve remains the biggest offensive weapon in the game of tennis. If a player can’t find a way to solve a dangerous server, they’ll struggle to find any traction in a match. So that returner has to find a counter of some kind....
Anthony Pettis's Superman Punch KO Was Flawless And Brutal
The main event of Saturday night’s UFC Fight Night card lasted two rounds, and Anthony Pettis spent the bulk of that time getting picked apart by Stephen “Wonderboy” Thompson. It was a suitably thorough performance from one of the UFC’s most accomplished kickboxers, right up until the moment Pettis ...
Angelique Kerber To Teenager Who Beat Her Twice In One Week: "You're The Biggest Drama Queen Ever"
Angelique Kerber, a 31-year-old three-time major champion, couldn’t stomach losing to Bianca Andreescu, a prodigious 18-year-old, twice in one week. The first encounter was a gutting three-set loss to the wild card in the Indian Wells final; on Saturday, it was another three-set loss in the third ...
Let's Remember Some March Madness Guys
It’s just simple arithmetic: There are going to be more Guys than there are actual Dudes in the NCAA Tournament. The Dudes will go on to make some money playing basketball, in the NBA or in Europe or in Asia or possibly in picaresque White Men Can’t Jump hoops-hustler scenarios. The Guys, who are go...
NFL Competition Committee Recommends Subjecting Another Several Parts Of The Game To Replay Review
The NFL Competition Committee, headed by Atlanta Falcons president Rich McKay and totally coincidentally including New Orleans head coach Sean Payton, recommended an expansion of replay review today, addressing among other things exactly the circumstance that recently screwed the Saints and sent the...
Does MLB Care If No One Cares?<em></em>
“The Rays have the right under the collective bargaining agreement to renew me at or near the league-minimum salary,” defending American League Cy Young Award winner Blake Snell said in a statement issued on the day the Rays re-upped his contract with a $15,500 raise. Some $10,000 of that raise was ...
America Vs. Adam Levine's Nipples: All The FCC Viewer Complaints About The Super Bowl Halftime Show
I’ve been FOIAing viewer complaints to the Federal Communications Commission about the Super Bowl every year since M.I.A. flipped off the world in 2012, and this edition was bountiful indeed, drawing the most complaints since that first year. The FCC received 94 complaints regarding last month’s CBS...
You're Not Supposed To Be Allowed To Do This
It’s not that points matter any more as the weather turns warmer—they count just as much in November as they do in March—but this is the part of the season where every blown, salvaged, earned, or gifted point comes with the attached hyperawareness. The Dallas Stars are in the thick of it, two points...
The Pelicans Gave The Suns A Masterclass On The Dumbest Possible Way To Lose A Basketball Game
With 7.6 seconds to go in overtime, down 136-133, Suns guard Devin Booker tried to hit a game-tying three but airballed the shot completely and gave possession back to his opponents. The Pelicans then used their final timeout—keep that in mind—to advance the ball for an inbounds play that would at l...
Bryce Harper Limps Off After Taking A 96-MPH Fastball To The Ankle, Shit Shit Shit
In the bottom of the sixth inning of a Friday spring training game, Toronto Blue Jays rookie pitcher Trent Thornton uncorked a 96-mile-per-hour fastball directly into the right ankle of one Bryce Harper, who was making just his eighth plate appearance in a Phillies uniform. The sound of the ball pop...