pe Page 636 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Real Madrid Is In A Pit of Sadness Right Now
When the ghost of Santi Cazorla is out here scoring braces on you for a team in the relegation zone, maybe your season’s not going so hot. And so, while the rest of the soccer world was watching the Manchester City-Liverpool banger, Real Madrid were busy writing the newest chapter of their disappoin...
Derrick Rose’s Bullshit Redemption Story Might Make Him An All-Star
Every year, the NBA releases the first round of All-Star Game fan voting as a way to drum up excitement for its yearly showcase of the best players in the league. This season’s first batch of voting holds few surprises; among the top vote-getters are LeBron James, Kyrie Irving, Steph Curry, and... ...
Report: "Football Guys" Have Broken The Pelicans And May Scare Anthony Davis Away
NBC Sports’ NBA insider Tom Haberstroh makes the case that the Pelicans have failed Anthony Davis and seems to imply that the organization’s chances of bringing back the generational talent have grown rather slim. While he goes through a bunch of factors that show just how mediocre the franchise has...
Elias Pettersson Update: He's Still Awesome
It’s become a bit of a monthly tradition for me to update y’all on the ongoing heroics of Vancouver Canucks rookie Elias Pettersson, and thankfully, he’s already made his January worth talking about. In his very first showing of 2019, the 20-year-old Swede carried the Canucks to a 4-3 overtime victo...
It's Time For Some Bryce Harper Game Theory
When last we left the Bryce Harper Derby ... absolutely nothing was happening, or so we were led to believe. The 26-year-old superstar outfield has been taking his time, sitting on (as far as we know) a single formal offer, $300 million over 10 years, from the Washington Nationals. The offer was mad...
That Is Definitely Not How You Pronounce That Name
Louisville Metro Police Officer Deidre Mengedoht was killed during a traffic stop right before Christmas, when her cruiser was rammed by a truck driver, who was later charged with murder and operating a vehicle under the influence. On a Dec. 29 broadcast, WPSD’s Brianna Clark reported on her funeral...
Your Favorite Baseball Team Can Afford Any Free Agent It Wants
The days are no longer getting shorter and darker, and began to bounce back in the right direction a few days before Christmas. There is still a lot of winter left, though, and given the way that the MLB offseason just kind of never got around to happening last year, it’s hard to know when things w...
What Horrible Things Did We Do To Our Penises Last Year?<em></em>
Happy new year, one and all. This year, resolve to take better care of your dick and balls; last year you did a really bad job of it....
Week 17 Is A Great Week To Watch Quarterbacks Catch Touchdowns
The early games on Week 17 Sunday are not that interesting. Everything with some drama was flexed to 4 p.m., so fans are left watching a bunch of blowouts and meaningless games....
Anthony Davis Has Not Been Traded Yet, Is Still Amazing At Basketball
It sure was nice of Anthony Davis, who is not yet a member of the Los Angeles Lakers, to up his trade value on Friday night. The NBA’s only commodity worth talking about, apparently, threw up 48 points to go along with 17 rebounds, as the New Orleans Pelicans, his current team, beat the Dallas Mave...
Please Stop Using Baseball To Describe Football
A home run has never happened in a football game, and yet home runs can be found all over writing about the sport, mainly when it comes to transactions. A new coach is a “home-run hire.” Wow! A team “hit a home run” with its draft picks. Okay!...
How Stupid And Toothless Does The NBA Now Look Trying To Manage This Shit
The escalating non-story of LeBron James making moves on Anthony Davis finally ensnared the NBA league office on Friday, with league counsel reportedly reminding teams via a carefully worded memo that only great big meanies would ever honestly answer a question about whether it is good to have good ...
Jon Jones Throws A Hissy Fit After Reporter Asks About His Atypical Drug Test
Last night was the official pre-fight press conference for UFC 232, an event that was hastily moved from Las Vegas to Los Angeles after headliner Jon Jones was found to have a small trace of a banned substance in his blood. Jones, who has tested positive for performance enhancing drugs in the past, ...
Mamma Mia, That's A Spicy Own Goal!
Italian soccer found itself beset by the twin scourges of violence and racism yesterday, which is maybe fortunate for Ascoli goalkeeper Filippo Perucchini, since his humiliating own goal in a Serie B match against Palermo today would’ve definitely been front-page news in less violent and racist time...
Duke's Daniel Jones Gets Compared To Peyton Manning, Officially Enters The Pre-Draft Hype Cycle
Duke quarterback Daniel Jones lit up the Temple Owls in the Independence Bowl today, throwing for 423 yards and five touchdowns while leading the Blue Devils to a 56-27 victory. Jones, who is exactly the kind of quarterback—a very tall white one—who tends to get football analysts and commentators in...
ESPN Has Created Another Phony News Cycle Out Of Its Own Fart<em></em>
“Anthony Davis trade talk is the biggest story in the NBA,” screeches the headline on this Zach Lowe article on ESPN.com. In a blog making broadly the same argument over on the Ringer, Kevin O’Connor writes that a Davis trade could cause “a seismic shift in the league,” like trades involving Wilt C...
Manchester City Suddenly Have Their Backs Against The Wall
Halfway through the Premier League season, a stylish team from North West England has distinguished themselves as the sole front runner for the EPL title, holding a six-point gap over a flawed team from London. Also, Manchester City are in vague contention....
What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?<em></em>
It’s here! It’s finally here! Every year it seems like the big day will never come, but it’s here. It’s the day to gather with your family and friends ‘round the hearth, warm beverages and sweet treats at the ready, and have a hearty chortle over the things America stuck inside itself and couldn’t r...
Dwayne Harris Is A Special-Teams Genius
In the NFL, if a player on the punting team touches the ball first before it lands in the end zone, a player on the return team can scoop it up and advance it without worrying about a fumble; the turnover wouldn’t count against them. Raiders return man Dwayne Harris is quite familiar with this rule,...
The Texans Lost, But At Least We Got To See This Amazing Deshaun Watson Escape Play
Down six with just over four minutes left in regulation, the Texans were marching down the field with the intention of scoring a touchdown and taking the lead. On the fifth play of the drive, Deshaun Watson faced a third-and-11 on Houston’s 44-yard line and needed to convert to keep things going. Hi...