pe Page 637 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?<em></em>

It’s here! It’s finally here! Every year it seems like the big day will never come, but it’s here. It’s the day to gather with your family and friends ‘round the hearth, warm beverages and sweet treats at the ready, and have a hearty chortle over the things America stuck inside itself and couldn’t r...

Dwayne Harris Is A Special-Teams Genius

In the NFL, if a player on the punting team touches the ball first before it lands in the end zone, a player on the return team can scoop it up and advance it without worrying about a fumble; the turnover wouldn’t count against them. Raiders return man Dwayne Harris is quite familiar with this rule,...

The Texans Lost, But At Least We Got To See This Amazing Deshaun Watson Escape Play

Down six with just over four minutes left in regulation, the Texans were marching down the field with the intention of scoring a touchdown and taking the lead. On the fifth play of the drive, Deshaun Watson faced a third-and-11 on Houston’s 44-yard line and needed to convert to keep things going. Hi...

Jarvis Landry Unleashes Arm Cannon With 63-Yard Throw

Baker Mayfield has spent a majority of today’s game slicing the Bengals’ secondary into pieces. He’s been having so much fun, in fact, that he’s even passed off some of the Browns’ throwing responsibilities to non-quarterback teammates, like Jarvis Landry. On the first play of a drive starting at th...

Report: Patriots Created A Security Team To Prevent Josh Gordon From Relapsing

When the New England Patriots traded for wide receiver Josh Gordon back in September, they obviously were aware of the potential risks—that much was clear with how little the team gave up for him. The understanding of Gordon’s addiction and mental health concerns didn’t stop there, however. A repor...

Jon Gruden Hopes Nathan Peterman Is A Raider For A Long, Long Time

Allow me to throw cold water on your hopes and dreams of seeing Nathan Peterman throw (and complete? to his own team, even?) passes in silver and black in the final two weeks of this season. He is merely on the Raiders’ practice squad, leading the scout team as regular backup A.J. McCarron is back h...

Novak Djokovic Is Yammering About Telepathy 

In July, after ending a mysterious slump and winning his first grand slam title in two years, Novak Djokovic split up with his hug-loving spiritual guru, Pepe Imaz. However, Djokovic seems to have retained a lot of Imaz’s teachings, like those about the power of telepathy and telekinesis and the lim...

Capitals-Penguins Will Never Get Old

Familiarity breeds contempt in sports rivalries, but in some cases it can also breed repetitive dullness. For the Pittsburgh Penguins and the Washington Capitals, who have met in the playoffs each of the past three seasons with the victor going on to win the Stanley Cup, there was a looming possibil...

Duquesne Coach Keith Dambrot Lost His Mind Over A Late Blocking Foul

Duquesne, a 5.5-point underdog, played a back-and-forth game with Penn State last night. The Dukes led by seven at halftime, and they tied it on a pair of free throws with 10 seconds left....

Unbeaten Buffalo May Not Be Big-Time, But They're No Fluke<em></em>

The Buffalo Bulls continued their undefeated season on Tuesday night, moving to 11-0 on the year with perhaps their most impressive win to date. After a rough start that saw them down nine early on, the Bulls rode a late charge and defeated Syracuse at the Carrier Dome 71-59. Along with an overtime ...

Report: Prophecy Fulfilled As Raiders Sign Nathan Peterman

Reggie McKenzie is no longer there to prevent this from happening. The gods have foretold this. It is written....

Skateboarding Gave Double-Amputee Felipe Nunes His Life Back

Brazilian skater Felipe Nunes lost both of his legs at the knee in a train accident when he was six years old. At age 13, he picked up skateboarding—at first, simply a way to get around without a wheelchair. Now, at 19, he’s one of the world’s most intriguing skateboarders, having basically reinvent...

Report: Oh God Yes, Jon Gruden Is "Very High" On Nathan Peterman

Former Bills quarterback Nathan Peterman is reportedly doing the rounds this week, hoping to catch on at the bottom end of some poor team’s depth chart and begin rebuilding his football career. He worked out with the Buccaneers on Tuesday, and his tour will reportedly soon take him out west, where a...

Penny Hardaway Tells Rick Barnes "Get The Fuck Out Of Here" After Feisty Press Conference

Tennessee’s 102-92 victory over Memphis on Saturday featured a very chill imitation of a scuffle between the two teams in the final minute. A few days after the game, however, this once-lean beef is starting to look pretty appetizing. At his Tuesday press conference, Memphis first-year coach Penny H...

Bucs Consider The Strategy Of Throwing Even More Picks

How On God's Green Earth Did This Ball Not Go In?

AZ Alkmaar plastered PEC Zwolle in the Dutch Cup today by a score of 5-0. However, due to some wicked backspin and an insanely precise smack off the crossbar and the possible imposition of dark magic, AZ forward Mats Seuntjins’s 15th-minute strike somehow was not one of those five goals:...

Former Marlins President David Samson Taunts Fleeced Taxpayers: "$1.2 Billion. Fuck You!"

Miami has arguably been hit harder by the pro sports stadium scam than any other city in America. When former Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria managed to get a publicly financed stadium built in 2012, he stuck Miami-Dade County with a stupefying bill that will eventually cost taxpayers $2.4 billion. Give...

Spencer Dinwiddie Is A Refreshing Change Of Pace From The Standard Brandbot Athlete<em></em>

Nets guard Spencer Dinwiddie—who after a patchy early career just inked a three-year, $34 million extension with Brooklyn, and seems to be a generally hilarious dude—has a refreshing worldview on the brands. Mike Vorkunov of The Athletic wrote about the population of NBA players who navigate the le...

Kerfuffle Erupts Between Thunder And Bitter, Tightly-Wound Bulls

The sad, demoralized Bulls are having their asses handed to them in Oklahoma City tonight. Perhaps the familiarity of another grim drubbing was more than they could bear—in the third quarter, down 21 points, they picked several fights all at once:...

Marcus Peters Goes Into The Stands To Shut Down Heckler [Update]

During the Rams’ loss to the Eagles last night, a heckler behind the Rams bench kept pestering cornerback Marcus Peters. Instead of chilling on the bench and ignoring him, Peters walked over and confronted the heckler, repeatedly asking him where he was from....