pe Page 703 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Former White Sox Pitches Effectively
Former Chicago White Sox ace Chris Sale pitched yet another great game today. With his four-seamer and slider in especially nasty form, he put the golden sombrero on José Bautista and struck out 13 Toronto Blue Jays in total over eight scoreless innings in a 4-1 win for the Boston Red Sox. Sale now ...
Mike Pence Is A Fucking Joke<em></em>
Say hello to our Elderly Lego Man Vice President, wearing his varsity Vice Presidenting jacket and standing, with an intensity reserved almost exclusively for constipation sufferers, near the Demilitarized Zone separating North and South Korea. Supposedly, Pence wasn’t meant to go outside during his...
Mike Gundy Remains Hilariously Attached To An Alternate History Of OSU's Season
Oklahoma State suffered one of the cruelest and most controversial losses of the college football season last September, when Central Michigan won on the final play with a wild hook-and-ladder lateral hail mary play....
Sex Noises Briefly Derail Tennis Match In Florida
A tennis match today between Frances Tiafoe and Mitchell Krueger at the Sarasota Open was temporarily interrupted by the sounds of some fucking....
Baylor Hires Linda Livingstone As Its President
Baylor University has hired Linda Livingstone as its first woman president, the school announced today. The move comes amid several lawsuits against the university over its mishandling of sexual assault cases on campus, which included downplaying women’s allegations, failing to properly report accus...
Starling Marte Suspended 80 Games After Positive PED Test
All-Star Pirates outfielder Starling Marte has tested positive for the banned steroid Nandrolone and will be suspended for 80 games. Jon Heyman first reported the news and MLB confirmed shortly after....
Clippers Owner Acquires Basic Grasp Of Political Economy For $10 Million
Clippers owner Steve Ballmer is one of the richest men in the United States, with an estimated net worth north of $27 billion. He was one of the very first Microsoft employees, and he worked as the company’s CEO for 14 years before stepping down and buying the Clippers in 2014. As an ultra-rich, rec...
Charles Barkley Was Always A Pundit
Originally published in the November, 1994 issue of GQ, this story appears here with the author’s permission....
Will The First Amendment Save The Kevin Johnson Pie Bandit?<em></em>
Can pie throwing be considered a protected form of speech? Will Kevin Johnson be asked, for the first time ever, to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth about his seamy side, so help him God? Will Michelle Rhee get cross-examined—or even examined?...
Pekka Rinne Scrambles For Incredible Desperation Save After Puck Takes Wild Bounce
The Predators nearly ceded the weirdest goal of the playoffs in the first period against the Blackhawks, after a power-play clearance banked off a stanchion and veered towards goal. Pekka Rinne leapt in the path of this one and pawed it just wide of danger....
English Soccer Fans Learn Their Club Will Be Promoted To Premier League, Lose Their Minds<em></em>
Twenty years ago, English soccer club Brighton and Hove Albion were languishing in the fourth and lowest tier of the English Football League pyramid, at risk of losing their place in the league altogether. On Monday, they sealed their spot in the Premier League, and next season they’ll play in the t...
Rape Charge Against Ray McDonald Dropped
The rape charge against former San Francisco 49er and Chicago Bear Ray McDonald was dismissed today after the woman told a judge that she just wanted to put the case behind her, according to the San Jose Mercury News. The woman also reached a financial settlement with McDonald, the Mercury News repo...
Gross Brøndby Fans Throw Dead Rats At Copenhagen Players
The Copenhagen Derby is too real. Here’s video:...
Philly Radio Station Asks If Bryce Harper Would Help The Phillies
Bryce Harper hit a pair of home runs yesterday, the second a walk-off shot lifting the Nationals to a 6-4 win over the Phillies. Harper has hit 18 of his 125 career homers against the Phillies—more than he’s hit against any team other than the Marlins....
Jake Guentzel Is The Ideal Finisher For Sidney Crosby
The Penguins must have a goddamned farm somewhere, where they just grow top-six forwards. Last year’s Cup run wouldn’t have happened without Conor Sheary and Bryan Rust, and now that those two have solidified their spots as unquestioned essentials to Pittsburgh’s offensive machine, here comes anothe...
Doc Rivers Goes Off On Reporter After Game 1 Loss: "That's The Dumbest Thing I've Ever Heard"
After the Clippers lost to the Jazz on a Joe Johnson buzzer-beater, a reporter tried asking Doc Rivers about his end-of-game strategy. When asked if he should have tried running the clock down to take the last shot, Rivers did not waste time letting the reporter know that he thought the question was...
Joe Johnson Buzzer-Beater Earns Jazz Game 1 Victory
Joe Johnson’s floater as time expired erased a heroic shot by Chris Paul to tie the game and gave the fifth-seeded Utah Jazz a 97-95 Game 1 win over the Clippers in Los Angeles....
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Matt Calvert Suspended One Game For Cross-Check On Tom Kuhnhackl<em></em>
Blue Jackets winger Matt Calvert will miss the next game of Columbus’s inevitable sweep at the hands of Pittsburgh after levying a stick-breaking cross-check on the Penguins’ Tom Kuhnhackl as last night’s 4-1 bruising came to a merciful end....
Tim Howard Suspended Three Games For Telling A Fan What Sounds Like "Fuck Your Mother"
Tim Howard has been suspended three games by MLS for what the league is calling an “inappropriate fan interaction”—in this case, telling a fan to “fuck your mother” or some variation thereof....