pe Page 733 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Did An MLB Star Pay A Teammate $2.5 Million To Take The Fall On A Drug Test?
Dozens of Major League Baseball players have been suspended for testing positive for performance enhancing drugs, but relatively few stars have been caught. Could it be that there should be one more star on this list, but he instead paid his less heralded teammate millions of dollars to take the fal...
Clinton's Speech Denouncing Meme-Toting Racists Interrupted By Meme
The alt-right is a fringe political movement, primarily concerned (as far as we can tell) with disseminating Trumpism via memes. Their favorite is Pepe the frog. In her speech denouncing these internet users this afternoon in Reno, Nevada, Hillary Clinton sadly did not say the words “meme” or “Pepe....
Cristiano Ronaldo Named Best Player In Europe, Wins Creepy-Ass Trophy
Cristiano Ronaldo, the greatest soccer-playing cyborg ever made/animated, had a year to remember. First, he dragged Real Madrid to Champions League glory (pulling them through the least daunting field maybe ever, but hey, winning’s winning) in May. For his next feat, he stood on the sidelines with w...
Katie Ledecky Turned Bryce Harper Into A Medal Rack
Strong-as-hell swimming champion Katie Ledecky is from Washington D.C., and the Nationals invited her to come throw the first pitch tonight before their game against the Orioles. She arrived, as well she should, decked out in all five of her recently-acquired Olympic medals. Thankfully, Bryce Harper...
U.S. Soccer Is Done With Hope Solo Now That It Doesn't Need Her<em></em>
After the USWNT got bounced from the Olympics by lowly Sweden, Hope Solo was not happy. She voiced her acute displeasure with the loss shortly after the game was over, calling the Swedes “a bunch of cowards” and saying “the better team did not win today.” USWNT veteran Megan Rapinoe recently said sh...
Live Sports: Mike Pence Getting A Hair Cut
Make America clean-shaven again....
The Jets Have Too Many Quarterbacks
The New York Jets were relieved when they finally agreed to a contract with quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick at the end of July, reuniting with their starter last season and ending the Cold War of our times. Now, the team has to figure out what to do with the other three guys....
Welcome To Mike Pence's Living Hell
Mike Pence, who will be spending the next three months paying for the grievous sins of a past life and also probably this one, forced his mother to hold a piece of chicken on a plane yesterday evening....
High School Athlete Charged With Sexually Assaulting Two Unconscious Women Gets Probation<em></em>
In April, East Longmeadow High School senior David Becker was charged with sexually assaulting two of his classmates at a party while they were unconscious. Prosecutors recommended that the three-sport athlete be found guilty, MassLive.com reported, on two counts of indecent assault and battery. The...
Peter King Drives In Bike Lane, Suffers Wrath Of The Internet
Friday afternoon, football-enjoying capybara Peter King sent a tweet:...
Japanese Prime Minister Becomes Mario For Tokyo 2020 Segment
Japanese prime minister Shinzo Abe became Super Mario tonight in the traditional portion of the closing ceremony that previews the next Olympiad. Mario was joined by Pac-Man and famous anime figures, as well:...
Ryan Lochte On Why He Lied To NBC About Being Robbed: "I Was Still Intoxicated"
Ryan Lochte appeared on Brazil’s Jornal Nacional news program tonight and attempted to explain his claims of having been “robbed,” stating that his description of the events to NBC on Sunday morning was provided under the influence of some incredible drunkenness....
Ryan Lochte Admits "Over-Exaggerating" Robbery Story: "It Was My Immature Behavior"
Ryan Lochte tried to come clean about the “robbery” that left three of his U.S. swimming teammates dealing with Brazilian police after what turned out to be an episode of public urination and vandalism, stating that the episode and his subsequent fabrication of details about it were the product of “...
Horse: "Fuck This"
Modern pentathlon competitors use unfamiliar horses for the show jumping event. Here’s the result of that rule....
Jack Conger Releases Statement, Blames Lochte's Vandalism For International Incident
The second of three U.S. swimmers who were with Ryan Lochte the night he claims they were pulled over by fake cops in Rio and “robbed” has released a statement and it, like the one issued previously by Gunnar Bentz, blames the four-time Olympian for getting them all into trouble in the first place....
Gunnar Bentz Is Back In The U.S. And Says Ryan Lochte Is Full Of Shit<em></em>
U.S. swimmer Gunnar Bentz, who along with Jack Conger was taken off his flight home from the Olympics and forced to answer questions about the alleged robbery that victimized them, now says the holdup story was made up by Ryan Lochte—whose vandalism allegedly got them into trouble in the first place...
Three Of Four NFL Players Named In Al Jazeera Doping Report Will Meet With League
James Harrison, Clay Matthews, and Julius Peppers, who were named in the Al Jazeera report on doping, will meet with the league after the NFL threatened to suspend them for a lack of cooperation, according to a letter sent by the NFLPA today.ESPN’s Chris Mortensen reports that the three players will...
Serial Rapist Darren Sharper Sentenced To 18 Years In Prison
Serial rapist and former NFL star Darren Sharper was sentenced today to 18 years in prison for raping, drugging, and/or attempting to rape 16 women in four different states. Sharper was sentenced in federal court by Judge Jane Triche Milazzo, who previously rejected a global plea deal that would hav...
Which Olympic Sport Would Be Most Likely To Literally Kill You?
I’m watching water polo right now, and it was maybe 20 minutes into the match, as the players yet again swam from one end of the pool to another on a change of possession, that I realized I would just give up then and there. I’m a fine enough swimmer, but it’s exhausting just to toss around a frisbe...
NFL Threatens To Punish Players Named In Al Jazeera Report If They Don't Submit To Interviews
The NFL is threatening to suspend players named in Al Jazeera’s December report about doping in sports unless they agree to interviews with the league by Aug. 25....